Today's Funny

Submitted by Hammy
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There was this couple sitting on the porch in Westmoreland, Jamaica watching the sun go down. All of a sudden this shooting light went across the sunset.

Wife: "A wha dat?"

Husband: "A mus' one space ship."

Wife: "Spaceship???? You damn Eeediat!!"

A little while later the couple went back into the house. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and the husband opened it. There was an alien couple on the doorstep.

Alien Male: "Good evening, we come in peace. May we rest in your dwelling while our space ship is fixed?"

The husband's eyes almost popped out of his head because the female alien had a WICKED body.

Husband: "Come een, come een. Of course you can come an' res' yuhself."

So the husband and wife fed and watered their guests and showed them to their room for the night.

Male Alien: "Where we come from it is our tradition to swop partners when we have guests."

Well, the husband was up to it, because the female alien was seriously turning him on with her looks.

Husband: "Well, dats alright with me."

Wife: "Oh, I don't know, because I don't really believe in dat kind of t'ing."

Husband: "Come on honey, is only a lickle bit of fun, an nobody nuh gwine know."

Wife: "Well, OK then."

The male alien takes the wife into his room, and, knowing that she wasn't 100% comfortable with the idea, he was very gentle and gave her plenty foreplay. When they got into the swing of things the male alien asked, "would you like a bit more length?"

Wife: "Likkle more length,? hee! hee!, a wha yuh mean? How you gwine do dat?" So the alien twists his right ear, and presto!, his willy gets longer. Well the wife was having a whale of a time when the Alien asked, "would you like a bit more width?"

Wife: "Width! Well, OK then." So the alien twists his left ear, and presto!, his willy gets fatter.

The following morning the wife wakes up with the biggest smile you can imagine on her face and walks into the living room to find her husband looking vex sitting on the sofa.

Wife: "Hello darling, did you have a good night last night?"

Husband: "Stuups ..... No! All night long di damn woman just deh deh a twis up, twis up mi rass ears dem".