Today's funnies

Submitted by BT from MTL
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Last May, Boudreaux married an attractive woman, Lola, half his age. After several months, Lola complained that she had never climaxed during sex; and according to her Grand Momma, all Cajun women are entitled to a climax once in a while. So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the large-animal Vet since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in Carencro. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his Momma and Daddy would fan a cow that was having any difficulty breeding with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax. So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile, young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.

So the couple hired a strong young man from the big city of Baton Rouge to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested. After many efforts, Lola still had not climaxed! They went back to the Vet. The Vet said for Lola to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Boudreaux waved the big towel. They tried it that night and Lola went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours. When it was over, Boudreaux looked down at the exhausted young man and in a cocky manner said . . . . .

"And DAT, my friend, is how you wave a towel!"

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THE BIRDS AND THE BEES

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech. If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for!"

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SUMBICH

A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a party and
invited all of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters
and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10 ft man-eating gator
in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to
jump in."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and
everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its butt!

Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs,
throwing punches, head butts and choke holds,
biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator
through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere.

Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish.

Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool.

Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars,"

"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.

The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something.

You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks, I don't want it," answered Leroy.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing.

How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"

Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!"