Today's Funny

Submitted by BT from MTL
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Ever wonder how a fight gets started? ......read these.....

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....


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My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"

I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....


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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And that's how the fight started.....

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.....

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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....


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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

" No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....



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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept

staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear

she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And that's when the fight started.....

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