Today's Funnies

Submitted by BT from MTL
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Top Ten Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After That Damned Gay Cowboy Movie.

1. "I'm gonna pump you fulla lead!"

2. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"

3. "Don't fret---I've been in tight spots before."

4. "You stay here while I sneak around from behind."

5. Two words: "Saddle Sore."

6. "Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like."

7. "Let's mount up!"

8. "Nice spread ya got there!"

9. "Ride'em cowboy!"

10. "I reckon this might hurt a little."
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Submitted by 'lil Ed
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Subject: Life Cycle


I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first. Just start out dead and get it out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home and you are feeling better every
day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then,
when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get
ready for High School.

You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no
responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last 9 months
floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room
service on tap, larger quarter's everyday,
and finally . . . . you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case!
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Submitted by DoubleD
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(NOTE:It's all true.)

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."