Males

I try to be knowledgeable and thoughtful (and controversial and thought provoking) about life, the universe, and everything whenever I can. Sometimes though, other thoughts enter my head that just scream for their day in the light. These are examples of such thoughts.

WTF is wrong with either the physical make-up and balance or the general stability of the male creature's construction? What praytell am I warbling abonut, you ponder? I went into the men's toilet as one does when one needs to tinkle or, you know, other. Everytime I go in there, it's like Bits N' Bites; you never know what you are going to end up with this time.

I've gone into the men's room at work and have been horrified at the state in can be left in by grown adults. Once, I could swear someone was grooming themselves at the urinal because if not for the sheer force of the flush, the pipe would have backed up. Another time, it's like the person (or manimal) decided to behave like a cat and spray his territory by hitting everything but the little set of holes where pee-pee is supposed to go down. I realize that germs are everywhere but since you've just been holding your own sweaty genitalia, you think that you will get more germs by touching the handle to flush? It got so bad that the buidling had to have automatic flushers and sinks installed. Too bad they do not have automatic deodorizers (when letters are posted, it could peel paint) or tracking urinals so that one is not slipping into the urinal as you slide through someone else's bad aim.

As a quick aside, just what the hell was the joke when the Almighty made such an instrument of pleasure have the seeing-eye strength of a blind bat? I swear if you don't hold on tight (without playing with it) you are liable to pee in your own eye. It is the absolute worst for aiming ability no matter how perfect it is. Go running in with a hot stream during a night of drink guzzling and see how well behaved your perfect little aimer is. And let's not mention playing hide and go seek when the temperature drops; it's all fun and games until you pee on that linebacker's foot in the stall two over from you.

Ladies, you have it made in having a natural sprinkler-type layout where you aim with gravity and dispersal is properly contained. I cannot imagine that the women's lavatory could ever be allowed to be such a horror-fest like the guy's area. I mean, every movie I have seen, there is a fresh garden to pick flowers from as you exit, buttons to wash, fluff, wipe and pluck, lilacs and incense in the air; a veritable paradise. Not in men's land.

I think I need to stop on the way home and get a new case of Purel. It is going to be a long fall and winter it seems. And I don't need to be catching nothing from no one that I didn't sleep with personally.

Peace.