Women.
A long time ago, I gave my brother the best piece of advice I could give as a fellow married guy: Make her choose! Whether it be the movies, when to eat, what to buy, or the outfit she should wear. Make her choose. Why is this important? Let me illustrate.
I have had enough experience with women in my life; not all of it good but better than most. The one most singularly frustrating common element in every encounter is the annoyingly inability of the female species to make a simple choice. Oh, it is very easy for them to make choices when it comes to the male, with an overwhelmingly majority of those being negative. NO, you cannot buy that TV. NO, you cannot have that sports car. NO, she and her friend cannot join us. NO, you cannot have a third piece of pie. NO, I will NOT do that. NO, you will not be getting a Cray supercomputer for Christmas. You get the idea.
However, when it comes to other things, things that usually involve them or are for them, there is always a see-saw, a fence-sitting, a wishy-washy ambiguity to life. Do I look fat in this? Do I look good in this? Do you like my hair? What do you feel like for dinner? What movie should we see? And on and on. Now, I know you are thinking that those questions seem simple enough but you are only lying to yourself and her. She does not want an answer from you on any of those. She simply wants to frustrate your life in asking the unanswerable. She already has the answers in her head but she wants you to play "blind concentration" to try and match your card to hers. Let me illustrate.
Do I look fat in this? Unanswerable because yes means you think she is fat and no means you are willing to lie to her and cannot be trusted. Do I look good in this? She has already decided that she does not and will either buy the other one she picked out or, in the case of her closet, put on the first outfit she chose. Either way, you are wrong and since she thought she did not look good, you are lying and therefore cannot be trusted. Do you like my hair? If she had it done recently and hated it, you are lying. If she wants it done, then you are either lying, are not paying close attention to her or you don't care how she looks. What do you feel like for dinner? She already nixed 90% of what you might wish to eat so you are an unhealthy boar and don't care what you try to push into her body. What movie shoudl we see? DANGER. If she was in a good mood, then evil and death filled movies will bring her down. If she was in a bad mood, then evil and death filled movies means you don't want to try and cheer her up. Just pick the chick flick and learn to sleep silently with popcorn in your cheeks.
We may be complicated at time but when it comes to questions, almost any man will tell you it is a black and white world to them: Yes or No. Left or Right. A or B. Introduce all the fluffy minutae, complicate things unnecessarily, don't answer the bloody question we asked in the first place and you risk the question not being asked again. So ladies, no matter how miffed I just made you, take my advice when a question of choice formulates in your brain: Just Choose. We'll both be much happier for it.
BTW, my brother was shocked to see it in action and implemented the methodology to great effect and personal stress reducing satisfaction. You can do it too.
Ciao.
NOTE: I had written this a couple of days ago but it ended up in draft for some reason.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
You knew this would piss me off, didn't you?
Buddy, I think you're hanging out with the wrong women. It is the *rare* occasion when I ask Mossy a question and do not want his honest answer. I will not ask him "Does this make me look fat?" because I know that if I need to ask, then I'm not happy with it and shouldn't be wearing it. As for asking what he would like to eat or watch or participate in... I ask because we are in a partnership and his opinion counts. If I want to go see a particular movie, I will tell him. If he doesn't want to come with me, he doesn't and that's perfectly fine. A relationship is a partnership - give and take on both sides with openess and communication being paramount.
You spend too much time thinking it's all headgames, my friend.
'nuff said. *wink*
I'm not sure I can improve on my DW's comments.
Yes, you will definitely piss some people off with this post, brother.
All I know is that if I really wanted a doormat type (and I don't) who would leave all the decision-making to me, I would have chosen differently.
Penny - while no opinion should be taken as a whitewash over the directed subject of focus, I can tell you from much experience that my words hold true. And no one said anything about headgames. It is simply the inability to work in a black and white manner. There almost always has to be fluffy minutae and side junctures on the path to the destination. As Nike says, Just Do It.
Mossy - when have you know me to care if I piss people off? ;) Seriously though, I never wanted a doormat and I do not think I am married to one now (if people only knew). What I do want with my wife, my sister, ny niece, my sister-in-law, my mother, my cousin and my colleagues, is a sped-up decision making process. Shit or get off the pot. Not everything requires a royal court to be confined or the Senate to be in session. Black or White. Choose.
Oh God, I would never imply that you were married to a doormat! Are you kidding? I LOVE your wife because she's not a doormat. *grin*
You adn I will never see eye to eye on this one and that's okay. That's what makes it fun.
Post a Comment