A Trifecta of Idiots!

Today I am cheating a bit as one of the three idiots I am talking about is actually from yesterday. In any case, enjoy the stories culled from the remnants of my fragmented mind.

Contender #1: When you think of the three movies, Old Yellar, Bambi, and Finding Nemo, what is the common thread? Yep, some animal bites the dust; in order, that would be a dog (golden retriever?), a doe (mmmmm, deer) and a clown fish. Well yesterday, I nearly added to that list thanks to a careless owner. As everyone knows, we had a nice dumping of snow around the T-dot. Some call it skiing weather, but I call it Roo weather. The Roo and I were out, headed to Crappy Tire to replenish salt supplies. Up the side street we go, watching carefully for goofs on snow when all of a sudden, a small brown thing darts from a driveway that is obscured by two large mounds of snow. It is an untethered dog that the idiot yute owner allowed to run free. I have to slam on the brakes, engaging the ABS, and steer away from the dog to save it from becoming another chalk mark on steel. The dumbass yute stands there waving as I continue on my way once he called back Old Lucky-As-Hell-It-Is-Not-A-Snow-Cone onto the driveway. Goof.

Contender #2: The second idiot of today's post is one of those people that are ALWAYS in a greater hurry to get where they are going than anyone else on the road. Too bad for him that he met up with someone that manufactures ignorance as a hobby. So dumbdumb is weaving back and forth and zig-zagging behind us as he tries to determine when a hole opens up in the TSC (Time Space Continuum, for you uninformed) that is big enough for his vehicle to pass through. However, since he had me up front, that opportunity kept disappearing faster than a Ferengi wormhole as I sped up or slowed down just enough to screw him up. I did this from Sheppard to Steeles just for fun. Goof.

Contender #3: This one, had the conclusion been different, could have ended very badly; not for me but for whatever was left when I rolled over it. I was on the way to the Compound this morning when this East Indian buttmunch and his wife decided that the little red octagon had no meaning and it was okay to roll right through it into the path of the Roo on a winter day with damp roads. Now, since they recently completed some road tests and the speed traps have returned, yours truly was being good and traveling the speed limit of 60km/h (like I always do). Had I not been doing so, this blog would have a very different tone as I would have been super pissed that cutting through their plasticised POS Honda would probably have left marks on the old Roo bar. And just where was super twit headed to that he had to perform this suicidal maneuver that caused me to slam on my brakes and lean so hard on the horn I think I may have dented it? To a street or driveway not fifty feet from where him and his wife nearly met their end. What the hell is wrong with people today?!?!? I swear there must be a Darwin bug floating around that keeps putting this defective gene pool in the line of fire. I say fine, I'll take that job. Just give me the time and means (read lottery winnings) to perform the task properly.

To properly perform this task, I will of course need a better purpose and bigger ride. I think when the wife and I go to the Auto Show on Saturday, I will look into getting one in either RED or Yellow/Black/Silver. :)

Peace

EDITOR's NOTE: OK, the Trifecta turned into a, er, uhm, quintefecta; whatever. Anyhow, first we have the bright blonde that decided the thing to do was to make one of those illegal right turns against the red that I wail about all the time, while a much large vehicle than her POS Acura rolled down a hill with the right of way, towards her. She is VERY lucky that a vehicle was not to my left at the time.

The second two bright children are typical of what you see everywhere; TTC riders trying to get home. The problem with that is that in order to do so, they have to cross traffic. No issues there right? Well, since vehicles take longer to stop, especially in the winter, it is not very wise to try to race, perpendicular to the moving hunk of metal, in the dark, wearing long dark clothing that restrict the movement of your already stubby legs! There outta be a law! Oh wait, there are several!!