A Good Friday, indeed. :)

So, unless you are one of those "other" religions (like my dear, sweet DW), you will be observing the rituals and traditions of the Easter weekend, which is one of the most important dates in the Christian calendar. This is the weekend where we reaffirm our belief in the death and resurrection of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. No, this is not going to be a religious sermon I am merely setting the tone. So, let's move on, shall we?

Yesterday was the day I agreed to go with my LB to see my mother for the first time in almost a decade. Much had passed between us over that time and absolutely none of it was good. More than I wish to admit at times, I am definitely the product of my mother and father. I am determined, stubborn, giving, reserved, volatile, a pack rat, loving, spiteful, vengeful, forgiving and non-forgiving. And, oh, so much more. Psychoanalysis another day.

Nothing brings out the emotion in me like family, and no one does that more than my mother does. Part of it stems from being a little lost in the family tree. See, my oldest brother (the twit in Barrie) is the first born so he has a special spot. My sister is the only girl so she owns that category. I was next and had a good run for five years until the LB rolled along. Not only was he, and still is, the baby of the bunch, there is a special connection between them as they both nearly died the day he was born. So, as such, I naturally strived for my fifteen minutes as it were where my mother was concerned. I didn't always get it.

Enter my adulthood years and now what I was striving for was acceptance as the adult that I had become: Responsible partner, responsible parent, responsible adult. I still did not always get that recognition but now I could make my own way, my own rules; and I did just that. I railed against the machine that caused me pain and grief and kept me down in many ways. The collateral damage did not matter to me as long as my family was okay. Sometimes the end does not justify the means. Sometimes, there can be a middle ground. Does that apply in this case? Honestly, I don't think yesterday would have happened if I had done things differently. However, we will never know and I am left with a lot of "what ifs" and some regret.

Good Friday. I almost backed out of it when I heard that there were going to be people there that should not be. Pat of me wanted something to get screwed up so I did not have to do this. Part of me was tired of the fighting and wanted it to be finally over. It takes a lot of energy to keep up these intense feelings; energy that LB rightfully pointed out could be spent and directed to things that benefit our immediate families. Yes, he too had something holding him back and it needed to be purged. He is a family man now, a father, and my nephew needs ALL of his dad and his uncle to ensure that he does not experience some of the bad things we did and he gets to experience some of the great things that we did.

LB, that skillful little UN secretary-general of ours, ensured that the platform was clear for my arrival. Mum had not been told that I would be there. For many reasons this was necessary but in the grand scheme of things, the reaction would be real, the emotion would be raw and all that would add up to is the true way she was feeling when she saw me. It was more than I expected or imagined and though part of me knew that my "mother" could react this way, the woman I had been fighting for the last decade was no where near the woman I knew as my mother. LB sad she had changed a lot (with tinges of her old self intact), but he knew I had to play Thomas; I had to poke my finger myself. But here she was, crying, hugging, kissing, thanking, happy, excited, with a touch of sorrow that it had been so long. Mum.

I started to tear up not just because this reunion was finally happening but at the thought we were about to change how she was feeling. I felt bad that we were about to rob her of all this good feeling but it had to be done. THIS had to end today. It is why we settled on today, symbolic in the end becoming the beginning. This was a chance for me to get my mother back and I was not shying away from that. I missed her. A lot. I realized that more in the ten minutes I had been in the door than in the last ten bitter years.

So, we had our talk, we had our cry (she was heartbroken, angry, but surprisingly understanding) and then we did what our family is famous for; we joked, we ribbed each other, we shared memories, we ate some food. Mum was worried about my weight (who isn't these days?), was worried about TC (who isn't these days) and wanted to see DW (comfortably slaving away at home as AL was coming for dinner and I wanted her to meet mum when everything was settled). The rest of the crew was filtering in now, and thankfully I was heading back home. My nephew, his girlfriend, my father (oh yeah, we are a movie waiting to happen), my sister, my SIL, my other nephew (who was sleeping on her shoulder and she would not let me wake) came in and that was fine. Then the cousins came strolling in while one I can tolerate and handle, the other one makes my skin crawl and boil and is effectively dead to me. So, off to join my wife at home. I left with way more than I expected: a foundation to start rebuilding my relationship with my mother, a respect for my LB's perserverance in his Kofi role, a good feeling where almost none existed prior to yesterday and a sampling of mother-cooked food to help DW attain the next level in Trini cooking. You know there will be some visits/lessons coming as soon as I can arrange them.

Thanks LB. I love you.

So, back at home, DW was almost finished cooking for our dinner with AL and his "friend". I brought in the sampler and we were talking and tasting when AL showed up a few minutes early. For those who don't know, AL and I have been best friends since grade seven (1979 as we have figure out, so thirty years as of 2009). He knows my mother's cooking and he has missed it as well. He knew the moment he tasted it that it was hers. So, the four of us stood in the kitchen, DW still finishing up, having the dinner sampler as our appetizer plate. This will probably not mean anything to the lot of you but it included the following: paratha/roti (bought though as mum's back could not allow her to cook her own), fried rice, curry chicken with chick peas, fish in broth, fried fish, green banana, plantain, sweet yam, regular yam, dasheen (I think), and a half of a small sweetbread (flour not pancreas).

For dinner, DW made a fish broth with many dumplings but nixed it because she did not like how it turned out. Still, we got full on macaroni pie, fried shark and some bake (I'll explain that one another time). We watched Snatch as dinner was completing and then watched Jarhead after dinner. I cut some of LB's kaiso discs for AL and then they went off home. DW and I tried to watch Sportsdesk but it ended up watching us as we both fell asleep.

Yep, a Good Friday, indeed.

Peace.