some old some new... enjoy (NOTE: Submitted by LB and posted here in case he really knows Jack Bauer)
6.2 billion
Chinese vs. Jack Bauer... sounds like a fair fight."
Jack Bauer could get
off the Lost island in 24 hours.
After running out of ammo, Jack stood in
the line of fire, took 3 shots
to the chest, and used them to
reload.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on
Mars.
Jack Bauer is the reason Waldo is hiding.
When a
convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed
to have the
sentence reduced to death.
When bad things happen to good people, its
probably fate. When bad
things happen to bad people, it's probably Jack
Bauer.
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer
in
gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename
it
after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No
one
crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
The 2007 budget for the US
Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and
four billion rounds of
ammunition.
Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and
handcuffed to a
table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have
them right
where I want them."
Once, someone tried to tell Jack
Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer
found out who was there, who they
worked for, and where the goddamned
bomb was.
If everyone on "24"
followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be
called "12".
Jack
Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his
organs are
afraid of making him angry.
Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March
31st to April 2nd, no one fools
Jack Bauer.
....and on the seventh
day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."
When Jack Bauer plays
dodge ball, the ball dodges Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer sleeps with a
pillow under his gun.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them
to kill terrorists. Jack
Bauer friggin' hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer
is the only human in the world with the ability to make
Chloe O'Brien drop
the personality disorder and patch him through.
If it tastes like
chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken,
but Jack Bauer says its
beef. Then it's friggin' beef.
If Jack Bauer gives you his word,
return it immediately and run.
Teri Bauer had her tubes tied years
ago. That still didn't stop Jack.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to
heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack
Bauer.
When someone asks him
how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously,
on 24..."
Jack
Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't
ask how he
did it, he's friggin' Jack Bauer
6.2 billion
Chinese vs. Jack Bauer... sounds like a fair fight."
Jack Bauer could get
off the Lost island in 24 hours.
After running out of ammo, Jack stood in
the line of fire, took 3 shots
to the chest, and used them to
reload.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on
Mars.
Jack Bauer is the reason Waldo is hiding.
When a
convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed
to have the
sentence reduced to death.
When bad things happen to good people, its
probably fate. When bad
things happen to bad people, it's probably Jack
Bauer.
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer
in
gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename
it
after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No
one
crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
The 2007 budget for the US
Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and
four billion rounds of
ammunition.
Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and
handcuffed to a
table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have
them right
where I want them."
Once, someone tried to tell Jack
Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer
found out who was there, who they
worked for, and where the goddamned
bomb was.
If everyone on "24"
followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be
called "12".
Jack
Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his
organs are
afraid of making him angry.
Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March
31st to April 2nd, no one fools
Jack Bauer.
....and on the seventh
day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."
When Jack Bauer plays
dodge ball, the ball dodges Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer sleeps with a
pillow under his gun.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them
to kill terrorists. Jack
Bauer friggin' hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer
is the only human in the world with the ability to make
Chloe O'Brien drop
the personality disorder and patch him through.
If it tastes like
chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken,
but Jack Bauer says its
beef. Then it's friggin' beef.
If Jack Bauer gives you his word,
return it immediately and run.
Teri Bauer had her tubes tied years
ago. That still didn't stop Jack.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to
heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack
Bauer.
When someone asks him
how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously,
on 24..."
Jack
Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't
ask how he
did it, he's friggin' Jack Bauer
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