Just when you though four posts were enough for one day...

Something big enough comes along to make a fifth necessary. My sister, who apparently reads my blog now (scary thought) is caught between a rock and a hard place that many a parent finds themselves in from time to time. The rock and the hard place can also be labeled "sink" and "swim". In between rock/sink and hard place/swim floats lazily oblivious her daughter, my niece. I am pretty sure I posted about her before but if not, let me give you the Coles Notes version.

My niece is always competing with her brother for attention. This has gone on forever and is normal in siblings. The problem lies in that at 24 and 27 respectively, it still carries on. She just refuses to get the fact that her brother does things without pretense, he visits for the sake of seeing family, he emails, he MSNs to check in, he shows interest. She, on the other hand, is a little more than a bit self-absorbed, needy and operates under an air of entitlement. She complains how everyone, especially her mother, treats her brother better and prefers him and on and on. Uhm, could it be the incessant whining? Could it be the laziness? Could it be the selfish outlook? Or how about the delusional rose-coloured glasses?

While we are on the topic of delusional, instead of establishing herself on her own and then working up, she wants everything right now. She wants to change jobs to, quote, "have enough funds to support the lifestyle I want to live", end quote. Hmm, I see. I think they have medicine and a medical procedure to correct this. She had a sweet deal at my sister's house. She was to pay $350/mth which gave her the ENTIRE basement to herself. This include bedroom, bathroom, living room, parking and storage. Her only other expense to the house was to pay for TV (in this case StarChoice); everything else my sister took care of. She kept on on neither. How in the world does she expect to go out in the world where rent (2 to 4 times what she was asked to pay) may include heat and water but phone, cable, hydro are all extra?

A while back, my sister and her had a falling out and my niece called me to ask for help to have her move out of the house. We were on our way back from Montreal at the time and tired and had things to do but we veered off into Ajax, loaded everything up and welcomed her into our home. And as you all know, it was a Trini home so there were rules and there were restrictions. Don't like them, don't let the doorknob hurt you too much along the way out. We tolerated her eating whatever was in sight without asking about certain items or replacing those items. We tolerated the late in and out at all hours. We tried to be protective because the big bad city is just that; big and bad. So, walk down dark streets after work is not safe, staying out after work till 4AM without letting us know you are safe is not safe. We called her up on these things and she started rebelling.

Well, after a heated discussion involving my mother as the central topic, we had little to say to each other for a while. I just could not get it into her head that I was capable of independent thought and though she may not agree with it, it was my preogative to have those thoughts. It went downhill from there with food being delivered (you know a McD's that delivers at midnight) by strange people in the middle of the night. Food being eaten upstairs which broke our rules (as we did not even do it). And, though we have no proff, we are pretty sure a man was in her room when we explicitly said for her to do her business outside and not where our impressionable daughter was nearby.

Everything hit the fan when DW and I were fast asleep in the basement and my nephew came downstairs and woke my wife. She in turn woke me to hear what he had to say. My niece apparently better with her mother now and fed up with our Draconian ways, called him to help her move out and back home to Ajax. She never discussed anything with us, she did not even inform us that it was happening. She knew we often were in the basement and figured that she could just sneak out without us hearing. And there would be the reason she should look at why ner brother is looked upon more favourably.

He came down because he was tired of fighting with her about it not being right the way she was leaving and that she should have at least come down and said some thing because we would have not said anything to her and that was the right thing to do. Her answer? To go sit in the vehicle and refuse to come out. I thanked him and sent a clear message to her, "Tell her that this is her choice and we are shocked that she would do this to us and treat us this way after we gave her the refuge she sought. Understand that she is not to step foot in our doorway ever again and don't try contacting us because we are done. All communication is severed." And so it stayed for quite some time until my nephew appealed to me to go see his mum for Christmas a couple of Christmases back. I knew my niece would be there but it was my sister that mattered.

Fast forward to now and not much has changed. On my sister's birthday, while we were all off from work and trying to clear out the house, my niece was nowhere to be found. She knew we were there, she knew what we were doing, she had a TV still sitting on the floor to be dealt with. Still, she had better things to do that day. She has not actively looked for a place to stay. She moved in with a so-called friend that would not even give her a key. How do you call someone a friend that does not trust you to have a key to the place they said you can stay at?? And now, whatever happened there and she is being told to leave which brings us to now (well, without a lot of details but maybe another day).

Yes, this IS the Coles Notes version.

My sister calls this morning and says to me, "I need a favour and bigger than helping me move from the house." OK, no problem. She continued, "I need to ask if you would allow A. to stay with you guys for a little while as she got kicked out of the other place (insert more here that I did not truly hear)." Silence. She continued, "I know. I know what I am asking and I know you have to talk it over with DW first." Nervous laugh, uhm, yeah! She continued with what I know and her lack of sleep and she is worrying me because I need not having recently reconnected with my only sister to lose her to stress or her running off the road due to lack of sleep or anything else that can be fixed or avoided. She assures me that this should not be for a long time but we all know things happen and a house guest is there for months not days. This will be the biggest fear of my wife.

I am speaking to her via Crackberry as she has a wonderful time in Florida at a local Flea Market; not the big one she tells me, so not as wide a variety or as good a selection. Nevertheless, she gets some items for herself and something nice for TC; I'm a keychain collector so I told her just look for a nice one for me and I will be happy. She also had to look around to find places that sold those little drink packs you pour into water. I had brought a whole set back from Las Vegas but she is not keen on green tea so the child and I will drink those. Anyhow, I cannot messenger this one. I need to speak to her directly. I know she will get worried when I say that so I need to handle it right.

What do I think? I think we should leave my niece to live in her car for a few days and let her get a real taste of life and hardship. I think my sister should stop bailing her out of jams and let her feel a little pain now and then. Once I moved out of my father's home, I never went back, I never sought his help financially, I never relied on him to be there for me; actually, I started being there for him. AND, I did so on less money that she is making now when I started out. I happily had my own two-bedroom basement apartment in Markham (remember that one Famine?) with no tub, just a shower, and my own steep entrance. It was just me at the time and it was perfect. I did not want or need to jump right into owning a condo or even owning a vehicle at the time because it was beyond my means. She needs to learn these lessons.

That said, my sister has been there for me many times (except when she dropped me on the concrete on my head as a baby, when she threw out all my now very valuable comics, when she baby-powdered my face, or when she beat me out of my sleep for not doing the dishes, but I digress). She knows the enormity of asking this of us and she would not ask it if she had other options. I understand as a parent that even when you know they should take the licks and the heat, you still try to protect and save them. It is for that reason I am going to bring up a topic with my wife that is one of few things that I am afraid of doing. Wish me luck. Results will be posted later.

Ciao.

EDITOR'S NOTE: After speaking with DW earlier, we have decided to agree to let my niece stay for a finite period of time. There will be specific rules and restrictions in place that I will draft up with my wife and she will agree to and sign, or leave. Her choice.