A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down...

Unfortunately, I am all out of sugar so I delivered a Buckley's(tm) dosage of reality at full strength to my niece last night. The sheer expression on her face and the tone in her voice made it clear that she was not happy with the contract I wrote up that she would have to sign, and adhere to, as a condition of staying at the Casa de Dtrini. While DW had apprehensions based on our previous experiences in the old house (see previous post on the subject), she agreed to because it was family but more because we agreed that this was more for my sister than my niece. So, after reading the contract which had details about what was expected of her while staying with us, it was not a surprise that her only question concerned the provision under the heading "CHARGES".

We are not charging my niece to stay with us. Instead, due to her picky and, at times, voracious appetite, we insisted that she buy and supply herself with her own day to day food, drinks and snacks. When we cook a family meal, she is naturally included in that if she wants what we prepared; other than that, she is left to her own devices. The kicker is that since we have drawn a hard line, layered with adamantium, in the calendar that says she will be out of the house no later than April 30th, we wanted to make sure that no matter the plan, she would have the ability (i.e. funds) to make that happen. We are demanding she hand over money from each of her cheques up to April 30th. This will be a equal fraction of her expected required first and last payment for an apartment or condo (i.e. $1800 total). The money will be held in trust with DW and I and returned when she is either securing her new place or at the end of the contract.

She looked at me in a bit of shock and disbelief that I was doing this. She expected just a simple discussion where I did my usual hot-air posturing as old uncle and that would be it. We were determined to make her understand that she damaged our relationship greatly with her previous disrespect. We also wanted her to start getting used to the real world and how things work in life. No one just gives you anything anymore without expecting something in return. And no one goes into an arrangement anymore without something down in writing; it is foolish to do otherwise. I forced my co-worker to write up a receipt of payment when I took her car telling her, "there is friends, there is family, and there is money; don't mix them".

So, in the discussion as it continued, I lectured my niece on hedging her bets that certain arrangements with her mother would come through. I asked her what her plan was if they did not happen. She did not know. What if things are not finalized or guaranteed? She did not know. I lectured her that her primary goal right now should be to secure a roof under which to lie her head; all other goals are secondary until she does that. She said she was looking for another job and/or a second one because her current job does not cover all her expenses. I deadpanned that her "expenses need to change then". I repeated it because she was obviously upset and stunned at hearing this and I wanted to make sure that she got it. She cannot continue to live in the style she wants to because she bloody well cannot afford to right now.

I then slipped in the question about how much she had saved towards getting a place. NOTHING. I sipped my tea, shook my head and explained that it was exactly what I was trying to teach her. She is SOL if she continues the way she is going so we were going to force her to be ready for life, at least in what little way we can. I told her that come the end of April either she will have the money saved with us that was necessary for her first and last, or if things works out with her mother's plans, then she will have $1800 to clear up some bills with; it's a win-win situation for her. Still a fairly blank look of stunned disbelief.

I got up as my herbal tea was nearly finished and I was done talking. I told her to think about it and figure out what she wants to do; sign it or not it is up to her. However, I made it clear that her staying till the end of April was only possible with her agreeing to the terms in the contract and signing it; any other decision gives her a week. I then set my cup down and went back to my office. She passed by and asked if she could give it to me in the morning, to which I answered that it was fine by me. I saw her this morning when she asked about what to do with the door (as she had not yet gotten the spare key from my sister) and I told her to just pull it closed when she left.

She did not mention nor produce the contract. It will be dealt with this evening because she signs it today or finds someplace to live by the weekend. Life is rough, get used to it kiddo and start taking care of your own shit! And sis, I know you are reading this, it is time to allow her or make her do so. When she feels the pinch, she will recall everything we all tried to tell her, teach her, show her and make her understand. As the old saying goes, children who do not hear, does feel. If she still fails to hear after this, we all need to let her feel it a bit.

Ciao.