Well, I have to say it was an interesting exercise doing these two things that Cricket was kind enough to point me to on her blog. In the process of filling it out, I actually found that I easily wanted to do more than 43 things or wanted to go to more than 43 places. I guess there is still much left to do on this little planet. Sigh, more work. :)
My 43 Places
My 43 Things
Monday, July 25, 2005
Monday Funnies submitted by DW
A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the hub-cap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer drain.
A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station.
The motorist thanked his profusely and said, "I don't know why you are in that place."
The patient said, "I'm here for being crazy, not for being stupid."
<><><><>
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis."
<><><><>
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the US of arrogance and Germany doesn't want to go to war."
<><><><>
BATHTUB TEST
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time. This little test should get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director which is the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. We offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."
OK, here's your test: (Those with an abnormal tendency will scroll to the bottom to get the answer before taking the test.)
1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?
( D O N' T C H E A T )
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon."
"No," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."
So how did you do?
A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station.
The motorist thanked his profusely and said, "I don't know why you are in that place."
The patient said, "I'm here for being crazy, not for being stupid."
<><><><>
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis."
<><><><>
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the US of arrogance and Germany doesn't want to go to war."
<><><><>
BATHTUB TEST
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time. This little test should get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director which is the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. We offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."
OK, here's your test: (Those with an abnormal tendency will scroll to the bottom to get the answer before taking the test.)
1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?
( D O N' T C H E A T )
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon."
"No," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."
So how did you do?
American diver taken to hospital after hitting face on board - Yahoo! News
DW and I watched this replay on TV and let me tell you, the picture does not do the action justice. I felt the tingling go through my body as they showed her face hitting that board. Anyone that has ever watched diving in the Olympics know how fast they are spinning and the speed and force to which they are descending to the water, trying to make a clean entry. This poor girl was concentrating on the technical aspects of the dive when her sping brought her too far into the board and she face-planted right into it.
The best thing to see when this happened was the near split second reaction of the German coach as he dove in, full clothed, to lend her assistance. In these modern times when so much caution is paid to open wounds and the presence of blood, it was a rare sight to see such an immediate reaction to care for someone else's well being before one's own. Major Kudos to the coach.
American diver taken to hospital after hitting face on board - Yahoo! News
The best thing to see when this happened was the near split second reaction of the German coach as he dove in, full clothed, to lend her assistance. In these modern times when so much caution is paid to open wounds and the presence of blood, it was a rare sight to see such an immediate reaction to care for someone else's well being before one's own. Major Kudos to the coach.
American diver taken to hospital after hitting face on board - Yahoo! News
Hmmm, what other contests are they having?
Let me be emphatically clear, when I go to the local KFC, I am most interested in the legs, thighs and breats contained in my bucket. So as I do in the Colonel's chicken, so do I do in life. I am not particularly interested in the other parts, especially if they are simulated. I have had a couple of occasions for comparison observations and what I observed is lopsidedness, pulling, asymetrical shaping or unnatural and unholy perkiness (to the point, excuse the pun, of being possibly dangerous to get too close too during vigorous activity).
That said, when the right doctor takes the time to do the job right, the improvement on nature's most visible assets can be astounding and breathtaking. So, while I never have and never will encourage my DW to do such a procedure (mainly because the twins are fully grown up folks on their own), I would not necessarily frown upon someone getting them for various reasons of their own.
Let's be realistic people. If Pamela Anderson did not need extra material sewn into the average shirt or lycra with tensile steel thread reinforcement for her Baywatch bathing suits, no one would know her name. Does it make it right that as a society, the breast still holds such power? Not really, except to those with the breasts and the power. We have to deal with reality and that includes the fact that larger breasts are a boon when dealing with the entertainment industry or when fishing for the position of "trophy wife". It is this unattainable goddess that gets men buying the video, sticking around at halftime, attending this week's feature attraction or seeking their companionship in later years of affluence.
We would not have Extreme Makeover doing breast augmentation of over 90% of the participants if this were not true. I think we have only ever seen two reductions and one lady who simply reshaped what she had, choosing not to add anything that would last longer than she did. In almost every case, when they did not lose their mind and try to triple up the taa taas, it made a huge difference in the clothes they could wear and the confidence they exuded in doing so.
Again, doe sit make it right that these women have to definite themselves in this way? Of course not. But, let's not be so quick to condemn them when we have all manner of devices and cover ups to try to augment who we are on a daily basis. If you think I am way off base, then by all means, fess up that you wear no makeup, no control top panties, no girdles, no pushup bras, no anything that enhances, hides or changes your natural self. It does not matter the degree of change, it simply matters that you do it because you feel you cannot do without it or that you need it somehow. So, how are you any better?
As for the fake boobies, well, I'll have to take a closer look to judge them for myself. :)
Peace.
Women spin wheel for free breast implants at B.C. nightclub, ignore protesters - Yahoo! News
That said, when the right doctor takes the time to do the job right, the improvement on nature's most visible assets can be astounding and breathtaking. So, while I never have and never will encourage my DW to do such a procedure (mainly because the twins are fully grown up folks on their own), I would not necessarily frown upon someone getting them for various reasons of their own.
Let's be realistic people. If Pamela Anderson did not need extra material sewn into the average shirt or lycra with tensile steel thread reinforcement for her Baywatch bathing suits, no one would know her name. Does it make it right that as a society, the breast still holds such power? Not really, except to those with the breasts and the power. We have to deal with reality and that includes the fact that larger breasts are a boon when dealing with the entertainment industry or when fishing for the position of "trophy wife". It is this unattainable goddess that gets men buying the video, sticking around at halftime, attending this week's feature attraction or seeking their companionship in later years of affluence.
We would not have Extreme Makeover doing breast augmentation of over 90% of the participants if this were not true. I think we have only ever seen two reductions and one lady who simply reshaped what she had, choosing not to add anything that would last longer than she did. In almost every case, when they did not lose their mind and try to triple up the taa taas, it made a huge difference in the clothes they could wear and the confidence they exuded in doing so.
Again, doe sit make it right that these women have to definite themselves in this way? Of course not. But, let's not be so quick to condemn them when we have all manner of devices and cover ups to try to augment who we are on a daily basis. If you think I am way off base, then by all means, fess up that you wear no makeup, no control top panties, no girdles, no pushup bras, no anything that enhances, hides or changes your natural self. It does not matter the degree of change, it simply matters that you do it because you feel you cannot do without it or that you need it somehow. So, how are you any better?
As for the fake boobies, well, I'll have to take a closer look to judge them for myself. :)
Peace.
Women spin wheel for free breast implants at B.C. nightclub, ignore protesters - Yahoo! News
Friday, July 22, 2005
USATODAY.com - Sharp develops 'two-way viewing' LCD
Hmmm, this good be a good thing. If you get the screen, but do not tell the wife about it, you could have porn being viewed on the right side of the thing, but she sees love notes when she attempts to peer from the stairs to see what has you so quiet in the basement. Hmm, I know a certain someone that may enjoy this technology. :)
USATODAY.com - Sharp develops 'two-way viewing' LCD
USATODAY.com - Sharp develops 'two-way viewing' LCD
SnapStream Blog » Blog Archive » Longhorn graduates to a real name
Snapstream is the company who makes the great PVR (personal video recorder) software BeyondTV. Anyone who currently uses a VCR should seriously consider changing that habit and moving into the new millennium. With this software, we can digitally record tv programs to the computer's hard drive and either watch them there, or stream them to a machine that is connected to the TV on the main floor. We can even pull it across the wireless network and watch it on the laptop anywhere in or around the house. It also has the ability to stream LiveTV in the same manner.
Another very cool feature is the ability to connect top to the application remotely. Say you are at work, and you have a change of plans which would make you late for your favourite prime time show (are there any left?), you can simply program it remotely and watch it whenever you get home or on the weekend or that night you cannot sleep. You can burn it to a re-recordable disk and share it with a friend who missed a particular episode or save a bundle on the DVD collection and just tape the entire season.
DW and I like the reality shows as you know. I like Tyra Banks and she happens to have created "America's Next Top Model". So, we had the entire season taped and were feeling particularly couch-potatoish one Saturday, so we watched the entire season back-to-back. Being able to skip the commericals (which the application marks out for you) is an added bonus. Also, the program is able to compress the show into different formats so you can write it out to a DVD, or SVCD or even drop it onto a memory card to watch it on your PDA, portable viewer or even the new PSP (which my pissant LB has and lords over me with now).
SnapStream Blog » Blog Archive » Longhorn graduates to a real name
Another very cool feature is the ability to connect top to the application remotely. Say you are at work, and you have a change of plans which would make you late for your favourite prime time show (are there any left?), you can simply program it remotely and watch it whenever you get home or on the weekend or that night you cannot sleep. You can burn it to a re-recordable disk and share it with a friend who missed a particular episode or save a bundle on the DVD collection and just tape the entire season.
DW and I like the reality shows as you know. I like Tyra Banks and she happens to have created "America's Next Top Model". So, we had the entire season taped and were feeling particularly couch-potatoish one Saturday, so we watched the entire season back-to-back. Being able to skip the commericals (which the application marks out for you) is an added bonus. Also, the program is able to compress the show into different formats so you can write it out to a DVD, or SVCD or even drop it onto a memory card to watch it on your PDA, portable viewer or even the new PSP (which my pissant LB has and lords over me with now).
SnapStream Blog » Blog Archive » Longhorn graduates to a real name
Overheard in New York
I warn you now that this post and the link it points to is not politically correct. You have been warned.
My thanks to Mossy for showing me this gem of a website. Posted below are a couple of fine examples of things overheard in New York.
-----------------------------
Tip of the Day: A Virus is Not Bacteria
Hipster girl: Baby what's that smell? Is that your feet?
Hipster boy: What? I don't know, probably.
Hipster girl: Oh my god. The smell, I can't take it.
Hipster boy: It doesn't smell as bad as the old cooter did the other night when we were screwing. You didn't hear me say anything when you shoved my face into that crockpot of bacteria.
--F Train
------------------------------
Scenes from the Free Concerts
Man: Of course you have to pick the row with the cripple. I can't get up now because I'll feel bad that she has to use her cane every time!
Woman: Frankly, I didn't even notice.
Man: Yeah, till you kicked her cane!
--Prospect Park Bandshell
Girl: Excuse me!...Would you guys keep it down? I am trying to listen to the band!
Guy: Oh, I am sorry...Would you mind crossing your legs? I am trying to enjoy the outdoors.
--Prospect Park Bandshell
------------------------------
If You Pee Yourself on the Train, Al-Qaeda Has Won
Brit husband: I can't believe this isn't air conditioned.
Brit wife: Well, this isn't London...just pretend it is a sauna.
Brit husband: I can't. It smells like piss and sweat, not cedar.
--1 train
------------------------------
He Acts Like He Doesn't Enjoy the Sex with the Men
Woman: Your brother's an actor? That's so nice.
Man: Yeah, he's really good. It's a great play.
Woman: What's the role?
Man: He plays this gay man who faces his own death.
Woman: Awww...
Man: But, I mean, he's no faggot or anything. My brother's just a really good actor.
--St. Mark's & 3rd Avenue
------------------------------
Still More Insightful than Ann Coulter
Teenage girl #1: Yo I heard they have, like, a...circle, and they think it's art.
Teenage girl #2: Shit's retarded.
--in front of MoMA, W. 53rd Street
Overheard by: David Last
------------------------------
Or What Some Call "Clinton Democrats"
Petition guy: Hi, are you a registered Democrat?
Dude: No, sex offender.
--20th & 1st
My thanks to Mossy for showing me this gem of a website. Posted below are a couple of fine examples of things overheard in New York.
-----------------------------
Tip of the Day: A Virus is Not Bacteria
Hipster girl: Baby what's that smell? Is that your feet?
Hipster boy: What? I don't know, probably.
Hipster girl: Oh my god. The smell, I can't take it.
Hipster boy: It doesn't smell as bad as the old cooter did the other night when we were screwing. You didn't hear me say anything when you shoved my face into that crockpot of bacteria.
--F Train
------------------------------
Scenes from the Free Concerts
Man: Of course you have to pick the row with the cripple. I can't get up now because I'll feel bad that she has to use her cane every time!
Woman: Frankly, I didn't even notice.
Man: Yeah, till you kicked her cane!
--Prospect Park Bandshell
Girl: Excuse me!...Would you guys keep it down? I am trying to listen to the band!
Guy: Oh, I am sorry...Would you mind crossing your legs? I am trying to enjoy the outdoors.
--Prospect Park Bandshell
------------------------------
If You Pee Yourself on the Train, Al-Qaeda Has Won
Brit husband: I can't believe this isn't air conditioned.
Brit wife: Well, this isn't London...just pretend it is a sauna.
Brit husband: I can't. It smells like piss and sweat, not cedar.
--1 train
------------------------------
He Acts Like He Doesn't Enjoy the Sex with the Men
Woman: Your brother's an actor? That's so nice.
Man: Yeah, he's really good. It's a great play.
Woman: What's the role?
Man: He plays this gay man who faces his own death.
Woman: Awww...
Man: But, I mean, he's no faggot or anything. My brother's just a really good actor.
--St. Mark's & 3rd Avenue
------------------------------
Still More Insightful than Ann Coulter
Teenage girl #1: Yo I heard they have, like, a...circle, and they think it's art.
Teenage girl #2: Shit's retarded.
--in front of MoMA, W. 53rd Street
Overheard by: David Last
------------------------------
Or What Some Call "Clinton Democrats"
Petition guy: Hi, are you a registered Democrat?
Dude: No, sex offender.
--20th & 1st
They got the bastard.
Toronto Police Service
News Release
Man faces Sexual Assault charges
Friday, July 22, 2005 - 10:12 AM
Sex Crimes Unit
416-808-7474
The Toronto Police Service Sex Crimes Unit has been investigating a sexual assault reported against a 22-year-old woman. It is alleged that on Sunday, July 3, 2005, a man sexually assaulted a woman after arranging to meet him for a job interview.
See original release.
As a direct result of the above news release, the Sex Crimes Unit received information from members of the public and from police officers in regards to this case. Two other incidents have now been alleged to have occurred in May and June of 2005.
On Thursday, July 21, 2005 the Sexual Assault Squad arrested Joseph Thayakaran Joseph, 32. He is charged with: Assault, Sexual Assault, Forcible Confinement, Sexual Assault with a Weapon and Forcible Confinement.
Joseph is scheduled to appear in court on Friday, July 22, 2005, 1911 Eglinton Avenue East, room 412, at 10 a.m.
Investigators allege that Joseph advises women that:
he is a senior employee with a large multi-national corporation with interests in Toronto
he is attempting to hire an executive assistant and that this position would include extensive training and travel
he dupes women and gains enough trust to isolate them in a vehicle and then commits a sexual assault
Investigators believe that more women may have had similar contact with the accused and are asking that they contact police. Anyone with information should call the Sex Crimes Unit at 416-808-7474, or Crime Stoppers at 416-222-TIPS (8477) or online at www.222tips.com.
Constable Wendy Drummond, Corporate Communications, for Detective Sergeant Liz Byrnes, Sex Crimes Unit
News Release
Man faces Sexual Assault charges
Friday, July 22, 2005 - 10:12 AM
Sex Crimes Unit
416-808-7474
The Toronto Police Service Sex Crimes Unit has been investigating a sexual assault reported against a 22-year-old woman. It is alleged that on Sunday, July 3, 2005, a man sexually assaulted a woman after arranging to meet him for a job interview.
See original release.
As a direct result of the above news release, the Sex Crimes Unit received information from members of the public and from police officers in regards to this case. Two other incidents have now been alleged to have occurred in May and June of 2005.
On Thursday, July 21, 2005 the Sexual Assault Squad arrested Joseph Thayakaran Joseph, 32. He is charged with: Assault, Sexual Assault, Forcible Confinement, Sexual Assault with a Weapon and Forcible Confinement.
Joseph is scheduled to appear in court on Friday, July 22, 2005, 1911 Eglinton Avenue East, room 412, at 10 a.m.
Investigators allege that Joseph advises women that:
he is a senior employee with a large multi-national corporation with interests in Toronto
he is attempting to hire an executive assistant and that this position would include extensive training and travel
he dupes women and gains enough trust to isolate them in a vehicle and then commits a sexual assault
Investigators believe that more women may have had similar contact with the accused and are asking that they contact police. Anyone with information should call the Sex Crimes Unit at 416-808-7474, or Crime Stoppers at 416-222-TIPS (8477) or online at www.222tips.com.
Constable Wendy Drummond, Corporate Communications, for Detective Sergeant Liz Byrnes, Sex Crimes Unit
That's a lot of effort for a doobie!
As usual, the US is one-sided in its thinking. And they wonder were some of the animosity comes from. In the article it states that the tunnel could have been used to bring people and/or equipment into the US to harm the US and its citizens. While the compulsion to do so is admittedly much higher, it is not without merit that as the US' continued closest ally, that Canada could be the target of an operation of terror and materials would be moved from the US using that tunnel to harm Canada and/or ITS citizens.
This singular, one-way thinking is what gets so many Americans into trouble when dealing with people. Wake up folks, in 2005, we should not have to continue to remind you that you are not alone on this dustball of a planet. I am not painting all Americans with the same brush, as we have family down there that do not have this tunnel-vision issue, but there are enough of you that you keep getting hurt and it seems to continue to bolster some idiots to repaint the target on their chest.
It really does not have to be that way.
Peace.
CANOE -- CNEWS - Law - Marijuana: 3 charged over B.C. drug tunnel
This singular, one-way thinking is what gets so many Americans into trouble when dealing with people. Wake up folks, in 2005, we should not have to continue to remind you that you are not alone on this dustball of a planet. I am not painting all Americans with the same brush, as we have family down there that do not have this tunnel-vision issue, but there are enough of you that you keep getting hurt and it seems to continue to bolster some idiots to repaint the target on their chest.
It really does not have to be that way.
Peace.
CANOE -- CNEWS - Law - Marijuana: 3 charged over B.C. drug tunnel
Oh Bill, why art thou so stupid?
With thanks to Famine for his link submission below, one has to ponder whether there is a leak of hazardous chemicals in the ventilation systems at Redmond Headquarters. Or maybe they were the prime customers of the tunnel guys (see pervious post). Either way, someone is smoking a particularly strong brand of something for this to happen.
The this I refer to is the reported plan of Microsoft with regards to adware and spyware companies. On the low end, if there is one, they plan to desist from blocking select spyware/adware companies because they have entered into agreemments with them for one thing or another. W-T-F!?!??! So, you want your customers to use your anti-spyware tool, BUT you don't want to block certain companies because you are doing business with them? Does anyone see the conflict of interest (read bullshit) here?
Well, sorry for Billy boy and the boys, lots of people see the problem and it is going to be a relations nightmare for them. Steve Jobs and the Apple crew are going to laugh their ass off if Microsoft goes thorugh with this. Nothing could be a better platform for the Apple switch campaign than such a major faux pas as this.
Microsoft needs to stop with the aspirations of world domination. They just are not bright enough to pull it off and they are going to pay for it one day. We can only hope.
Ciao.
Edbott
Eweek
The Register 1
The Register 2
Make You Go Hmm
The this I refer to is the reported plan of Microsoft with regards to adware and spyware companies. On the low end, if there is one, they plan to desist from blocking select spyware/adware companies because they have entered into agreemments with them for one thing or another. W-T-F!?!??! So, you want your customers to use your anti-spyware tool, BUT you don't want to block certain companies because you are doing business with them? Does anyone see the conflict of interest (read bullshit) here?
Well, sorry for Billy boy and the boys, lots of people see the problem and it is going to be a relations nightmare for them. Steve Jobs and the Apple crew are going to laugh their ass off if Microsoft goes thorugh with this. Nothing could be a better platform for the Apple switch campaign than such a major faux pas as this.
Microsoft needs to stop with the aspirations of world domination. They just are not bright enough to pull it off and they are going to pay for it one day. We can only hope.
Ciao.
Edbott
Eweek
The Register 1
The Register 2
Make You Go Hmm
Your Quick and Dirty IQ score
That's right, it is NOT a typo. What you are seeing below is the downright truth. You may think otherwise but just consider that I hide a lot of things well. :)
So, DARE to take the test AND post your results here or on your blog?
Blogthings - Your Quick and Dirty IQ score
So, DARE to take the test AND post your results here or on your blog?
| Your IQ Is 115 |
 Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional Your General Knowledge is Above Average |
Blogthings - Your Quick and Dirty IQ score
Your Inner European is Italian!
Thanks to Penny, I decided to try this quiz. Whadda know, the ole family ancestry cannot be hidden. If you ever doubted it, the test cannot be wrong. :)
Peace
Peace
Your Inner European is Italian! |
 Passionate and colorful. You show the world what culture really is. |
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Kids Today
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning, uphill both ways, through year 'round blizzards, carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But...
Now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet, when we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves!
There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and f@#* it all up!
You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options!
We didn't have fancy sh*t like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! No cordless phones meant you had to sit in the kitchen on a stool and gossip to your friends with your whole family sitting around and listening.
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
And we didn't have cell phones or text messaging either!! If you wanted to talk to your friends, you had to get off your ass and run down the block.
We didn't have any fancy Sony Play station videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids".and the graphics sucked ass!
Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!
And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theatre there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in front of you and you couldn't see you were just f*cked!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
You were screwed when it came to channel surfing you had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning...d'ya hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!
We didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove imagine that! If we wanted popcorn we had to use that stupid jiffy pop and shake it over the stove like an idiot forever.
That's exactly what I'm talking about!
You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.
You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
----------------
Submitted by Wizdom
Now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet, when we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves!
There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and f@#* it all up!
You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options!
We didn't have fancy sh*t like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! No cordless phones meant you had to sit in the kitchen on a stool and gossip to your friends with your whole family sitting around and listening.
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
And we didn't have cell phones or text messaging either!! If you wanted to talk to your friends, you had to get off your ass and run down the block.
We didn't have any fancy Sony Play station videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids".and the graphics sucked ass!
Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!
And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theatre there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in front of you and you couldn't see you were just f*cked!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
You were screwed when it came to channel surfing you had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning...d'ya hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!
We didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove imagine that! If we wanted popcorn we had to use that stupid jiffy pop and shake it over the stove like an idiot forever.
That's exactly what I'm talking about!
You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.
You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!
----------------
Submitted by Wizdom
CANOE -- CNEWS - Tech News: US accuses Ontario company of illegal e-mail operation
Nuff Said. About time these people stop tempting me with extra large penile hopes, extended romp sessions and overall good health. Die Spam Die!!!!
CANOE -- CNEWS - Tech News: US accuses Ontario company of illegal e-mail operation
CANOE -- CNEWS - Tech News: US accuses Ontario company of illegal e-mail operation
CANOE -- JAM! - New dance TV series taps into craze
Yes, yes, DW and I are reality show johns; we just cannot seem to get enough. So, last night we sat down and watched the American Idol version of dancing, "So, you think you can dance?" I think the judge, Nigel (a producer on AI) hit the nail on the head with his comment that so many people go to the competition with the attitude that "you owe me". Once again we are exposed to people that truly think that they are the next "one" and bitch and moan when they are cut, not acknowledging that I could out dance them when I was sleeping off a good drunk. They had no hope of moving on but believed that someone was blind to their, er, moves.
Well, keep on moving right out the door because you suck, you knew you sucked and now all of America knows you suck. Have a nice life.
Ciao.
CANOE -- JAM! - New dance TV series taps into craze
Well, keep on moving right out the door because you suck, you knew you sucked and now all of America knows you suck. Have a nice life.
Ciao.
CANOE -- JAM! - New dance TV series taps into craze
The Final Frontier
If you do not know who Montgomery Scott was, then you may as well skip this post. Scotty died yesterday. He himself was beamed up. He made his last voyage and mission. Ok, enough.
James Doohan played Scotty, one of the original characters on Star Trek, the original series. He was the Chief Engineer and often times was the reason that the Enterprise did not end up like some Regaelian trash belt orbiting a distant star.
Mr. Doohan's Scotty was one of the most loved members of the crew due to his penchant for the scotch, his ability to think quickly on his feet, his saving of Kirk and others in a timely beam up and his general disposition to having to constantly do everything the ship was not designed and spec'd to do.
No episode will be remembered more than the Trouble With Tribbles. While relaxing with some drink and two other crew members, including Chekov, Scotty kept his and the other's tempers cool while a Klingon taunted them with all sorts of insults including one hurled about Captain James Tiberius Kirk. It is when the Enterprise was defamated with being told it should be towed away "as garbage" that Scotty lost it and started a huge brawl between the Enterprise crew, security and the Klingons. Such is this episode ingrained in the Star Trek verse than on the occasion of an anniversary episode on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, they went back in time to stop a disaster during this episode. It was amazing how they were able to blend the new characters in to the old footage. The best new line was Worf shurgging off the comparison of the old non-ridged Klingons and his promounced ridged forehead by saying, "It's not something we talk about."
Mr. Doohan had occasion to return to the new Enterprise in an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation as he was trapped in a transporter buffer for approximately fifty years. He comes back and helps Geordi save her one more time.
Scotty, you will be missed. It is yet another reminder that we are all getting a little older. We can only hope to leave this planet as loved as you have been all these years. Peace and love.
CANOE -- JAM! Television: Star Trek's James Doohan dies
James Doohan played Scotty, one of the original characters on Star Trek, the original series. He was the Chief Engineer and often times was the reason that the Enterprise did not end up like some Regaelian trash belt orbiting a distant star.
Mr. Doohan's Scotty was one of the most loved members of the crew due to his penchant for the scotch, his ability to think quickly on his feet, his saving of Kirk and others in a timely beam up and his general disposition to having to constantly do everything the ship was not designed and spec'd to do.
No episode will be remembered more than the Trouble With Tribbles. While relaxing with some drink and two other crew members, including Chekov, Scotty kept his and the other's tempers cool while a Klingon taunted them with all sorts of insults including one hurled about Captain James Tiberius Kirk. It is when the Enterprise was defamated with being told it should be towed away "as garbage" that Scotty lost it and started a huge brawl between the Enterprise crew, security and the Klingons. Such is this episode ingrained in the Star Trek verse than on the occasion of an anniversary episode on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, they went back in time to stop a disaster during this episode. It was amazing how they were able to blend the new characters in to the old footage. The best new line was Worf shurgging off the comparison of the old non-ridged Klingons and his promounced ridged forehead by saying, "It's not something we talk about."
Mr. Doohan had occasion to return to the new Enterprise in an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation as he was trapped in a transporter buffer for approximately fifty years. He comes back and helps Geordi save her one more time.
Scotty, you will be missed. It is yet another reminder that we are all getting a little older. We can only hope to leave this planet as loved as you have been all these years. Peace and love.
CANOE -- JAM! Television: Star Trek's James Doohan dies
WEAR YOUR SEATBELTS!!!!
This morning, an unidentified man rolled his truck on an on-ramp from the 400 southbound to the 407 west and was ejected from his vehicle because he was not wearing his seatbelts. OPP reconstructionists are saying after early investigation results that the driver would have lived had he been wearing his seatbelt.
People, does it have to happen to a neighbour, a friend or a direct family member before you get it into your thick skulls that seatbelts save lives? Too many innocent lives are being lost simply for the ignorance or absentmindedness associated with not wearing the safety devices. Don't let it happen to you or anyone you know.
In a separate incident, an OPP cruiser was on its way to a domestic dispute call when, in the fog near Bala, ON, they hit a moose. The driver was killed and the passenger was injured and taken to the hospital. No word on the moose but the picture of the vehicle shows damage that is consistent with someone slamming into a brick wall.
Seatbelts Save Lives - Sample story one
Seatbelts Save Lives - Sample story two
Seatbelts Save Lives - Sample story three
Seatbelts Save Lives - Sample story four
People, does it have to happen to a neighbour, a friend or a direct family member before you get it into your thick skulls that seatbelts save lives? Too many innocent lives are being lost simply for the ignorance or absentmindedness associated with not wearing the safety devices. Don't let it happen to you or anyone you know.
In a separate incident, an OPP cruiser was on its way to a domestic dispute call when, in the fog near Bala, ON, they hit a moose. The driver was killed and the passenger was injured and taken to the hospital. No word on the moose but the picture of the vehicle shows damage that is consistent with someone slamming into a brick wall.
Seatbelts Save Lives - Sample story one
Seatbelts Save Lives - Sample story two
Seatbelts Save Lives - Sample story three
Seatbelts Save Lives - Sample story four
Weekend Update!
Yeah yeah, sue me for being late. No? Good, then let's get on with it.
So, it had been a busy and hard week for both DW and I. For her, it was more of the same at work. For me, the frickin' storms were causing much havoc with the network so sleep was fleeting for the week.
Friday:
Been a long week and we could use a bit of a break so DW and I decide to use up a couple of our coupons to go see a movie. Originally we were going to go see Wedding Crashers but we saw a commercial on TV for The Docks' drive-in theatre and DW checked it out. It seems that they were showing the movie along with The Perfect Man. So, we revised our plans and I dragged her off to see The Fantastic Four with the promise that we would go see the other movies the following day. F4 was not a terrific adaptation of a well-known comic, but it was a decent time-waster with reasonable special effects and the proper set-up for a sequel. Of course Some George's chicken and another movie on DVD when we got home (yeah, I know you know this already but form dictates).
Saturday:
While we would have loved to have just slept in for a change with no one else in the house. Sigh. As usual, we had a full slate of things to do. We had to go to Acme locksmith to get a proper key cut for the POS. Then the POS went to Fine Details to get detailed and smelling better. We took a short nap when we got home, went back out to pick up the car and then, we went off to the drive-in. I must say, I cannot believe it took me over twenty one years after I got my license to go to one. All I can say is, find a way to hide food and drink to take in because the sons of bitches gouge your ass at the concession stands. We got back in fairly late
Sunday:
We had a little stop at Canada Computers to pick up a USB to IDE adapter, Chapters for Harry Potter and my geek mags, Factory Direct to return hubs that had lead content with a warning from California, and then to return a wireless mouse to Future Shop. Afterwards, we headed downtown to have dinner with my BIL and MIL. My MIL had recently returned from a tour in Italy so we went through a slideshow on her iMac of over 400 pictures; digital cameras really are the best travel tools nowadays. A phone call with some bittersweet news to end the night and the weekend came to an end.
So, it had been a busy and hard week for both DW and I. For her, it was more of the same at work. For me, the frickin' storms were causing much havoc with the network so sleep was fleeting for the week.
Friday:
Been a long week and we could use a bit of a break so DW and I decide to use up a couple of our coupons to go see a movie. Originally we were going to go see Wedding Crashers but we saw a commercial on TV for The Docks' drive-in theatre and DW checked it out. It seems that they were showing the movie along with The Perfect Man. So, we revised our plans and I dragged her off to see The Fantastic Four with the promise that we would go see the other movies the following day. F4 was not a terrific adaptation of a well-known comic, but it was a decent time-waster with reasonable special effects and the proper set-up for a sequel. Of course Some George's chicken and another movie on DVD when we got home (yeah, I know you know this already but form dictates).
Saturday:
While we would have loved to have just slept in for a change with no one else in the house. Sigh. As usual, we had a full slate of things to do. We had to go to Acme locksmith to get a proper key cut for the POS. Then the POS went to Fine Details to get detailed and smelling better. We took a short nap when we got home, went back out to pick up the car and then, we went off to the drive-in. I must say, I cannot believe it took me over twenty one years after I got my license to go to one. All I can say is, find a way to hide food and drink to take in because the sons of bitches gouge your ass at the concession stands. We got back in fairly late
Sunday:
We had a little stop at Canada Computers to pick up a USB to IDE adapter, Chapters for Harry Potter and my geek mags, Factory Direct to return hubs that had lead content with a warning from California, and then to return a wireless mouse to Future Shop. Afterwards, we headed downtown to have dinner with my BIL and MIL. My MIL had recently returned from a tour in Italy so we went through a slideshow on her iMac of over 400 pictures; digital cameras really are the best travel tools nowadays. A phone call with some bittersweet news to end the night and the weekend came to an end.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Not In Use
Wife comes home early from work one day only to find her husband in bed with a strange woman.
She says, "That's it, I'm leaving and never coming back."
He says, "Don't you at least want to hear my explanation?"
She shrugs and says, "Fine, let's hear your story. And this had better be good!"
He says, "Well, I'm driving along the street, when I see this young lady in torn clothes, no shoes, all muddy and crying. I took pity on her and asked if she would like to get cleaned up in my house. She climbed into my truck and I brought her home.
She took a shower, I gave her the underwear that doesn't fit you anymore, the silk blouse and slacks that I bought you two years ago that you wore once, the $150 Nike running shoes you bought and wore only twice. I even gave her some of the roast beef you had in the fridge, that you never served me. I showed her to the door . She was so grateful, for all these things, and she thanked me profusely. But then, as she was about to leave she turned around and asked me........'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?'"
-------------
Submitted by Famine
She says, "That's it, I'm leaving and never coming back."
He says, "Don't you at least want to hear my explanation?"
She shrugs and says, "Fine, let's hear your story. And this had better be good!"
He says, "Well, I'm driving along the street, when I see this young lady in torn clothes, no shoes, all muddy and crying. I took pity on her and asked if she would like to get cleaned up in my house. She climbed into my truck and I brought her home.
She took a shower, I gave her the underwear that doesn't fit you anymore, the silk blouse and slacks that I bought you two years ago that you wore once, the $150 Nike running shoes you bought and wore only twice. I even gave her some of the roast beef you had in the fridge, that you never served me. I showed her to the door . She was so grateful, for all these things, and she thanked me profusely. But then, as she was about to leave she turned around and asked me........'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?'"
-------------
Submitted by Famine
Uhm, er, huh?
Thanks to Famine for submitting this article on Toronto embarrassing itself again.
------------------------
Those of us old enough to care will remember a misguided then Mayor Barbara Hall shunning the now famous music group by disallowing their participation in some New Year's festivities a while back. I suspect, though I'd have to do some research, it was due to this same well-intentioned but obviously ignorantly followed bylaw. Which group was banned you ask?
The Barenaked Ladies. The freaking BNL folks! (Note: They snubbed her back after totally blowing up worldwide when they chose a smaller festival in Scarborough over some key to the city thing that Hall suggested.)
So, if we are to understand that the Miss Universe denigrates women, why allow any sort of beauty pageant to be held within the city limits, much less in Canada at all? Why allow CHIN's annual swimsuit competition? Why allow music acts with scantily clad dancers to perform on stage in Toronto? Why allow the Man Show, BET and Much videos? Where does it end?
this is just plain stupid and I am starting to think I am sorry I ever voted for David Miller because he seems to be a very disconnected mayor unless it is a big ticket issue. Well Mr. Miller, if you intend to allow this type of censorship, it will become a big ticket issue as your people embarrass the city on a global scale.
WTF indeed!!
(Note: The editor thinks Ms. Universe is superhot and is a bonus being from Toronto. Superhot in an intelligence sort of fashion, of course.)
CANOE -- CNEWS - Canada: Queen meets Dukes of Duh!
------------------------
Those of us old enough to care will remember a misguided then Mayor Barbara Hall shunning the now famous music group by disallowing their participation in some New Year's festivities a while back. I suspect, though I'd have to do some research, it was due to this same well-intentioned but obviously ignorantly followed bylaw. Which group was banned you ask?
The Barenaked Ladies. The freaking BNL folks! (Note: They snubbed her back after totally blowing up worldwide when they chose a smaller festival in Scarborough over some key to the city thing that Hall suggested.)
So, if we are to understand that the Miss Universe denigrates women, why allow any sort of beauty pageant to be held within the city limits, much less in Canada at all? Why allow CHIN's annual swimsuit competition? Why allow music acts with scantily clad dancers to perform on stage in Toronto? Why allow the Man Show, BET and Much videos? Where does it end?
this is just plain stupid and I am starting to think I am sorry I ever voted for David Miller because he seems to be a very disconnected mayor unless it is a big ticket issue. Well Mr. Miller, if you intend to allow this type of censorship, it will become a big ticket issue as your people embarrass the city on a global scale.
WTF indeed!!
(Note: The editor thinks Ms. Universe is superhot and is a bonus being from Toronto. Superhot in an intelligence sort of fashion, of course.)
CANOE -- CNEWS - Canada: Queen meets Dukes of Duh!
Uni.ca -- 135 reasons why it's great to be Canadian
The list just looked cool. So I am patriotic once in a while. Sue me.
Uni.ca -- 135 reasons why it's great to be Canadian
Uni.ca -- 135 reasons why it's great to be Canadian
Mine Asseth is too Oldeth and Fatteth
Major Kudos to MsMittens. I am in awe of her ability to venture out into the unknown alone and to physically handle all the associated stresses. It will be some time before I can join you on one of those.
Let's face the facts, shall we? I am a curry, flour and ice cream-loving carnivore. I am also a lethargic, arm chair critic, sloth-like coach potato. At an admittedly overweight 300+ pounds (but you would be surprised at how flexible, spry and mobile I am), 37 years old and counting, and bad circulation plus arthritic joints (gotta stop cracking knuckles), I am not going to challenge Lance Armstrong for his sixth consecutive Tour de France trophy. I am also, not having trained, going to keep up with MsMittens and WonderBoy (or Toy, or Rod or whatever she calls him) on their massive bike tours of Canada. So what do I hope to do? Well, I love riding, I always have (it was to freedom in my youth what a vehicle is in adulthood). So, I want to get back to doing some regular riding. The way to do that was to NOT start the way I did today.
I had occasion to ride back home as I had, well the truck had, an appointment at 8:30AM at Fine Details in Scarborough. We have no time or inclination this time out to clean the nastiness that we call our vehicles so we decided to pay someone else to have that pleasure. While they missed a couple of things (hey, no one is perfect) overall they did a decent job on DW's POS. So, today is TR's turn and I thought why not take this opportunity to save some money and get some exercise. I packed the old POS Crappy Tire Supercycle into the back after emptying TR of anything useful and drove on up to Sheppard. I saw Nazeer and took the bike out and headed home.
Ouch, what the heck was that? Oh *&^%(*&^% a muscle. That's where you got to eh? Well welcome back to daylight friend, now help me push my fat ass down the sidewalk. I totally forgot to take my helmet so I was riding illegally today; what a nice way to start off. Okay, so downhill is okay. I still tried to peddle slowly so that my body got used to the motions again without me winding up in the hospital or as roadkill in front of some truck or alternate ROO). My first challenge was the slight incline going south on McCowan. No problemo, as I powered up the sidewalk until I crested the small hill and headed down to the driveway of the CTV. Continued down McCowan, over the westbound onramp, up another incline, across the eastbound onramp and down a slight incline. Uhm, where's the sidewalk? Frickin' bus station driveway.
Ok, to save my hide from the nutters on the road, of which I have seen a couple for the morning already, I decide to stay on the sidewalk, up the incline into the STC (Scarborough Towne Centre), past the YMCA, buddy reversing in the passing lane beside the park and ride area, and remembering that nasty hill near the hospital, I continued on City Centre Drive towards Brimley. So, continuing along Brimley, it has a few shallow inclines that were a small challenge but not enough to make me pass out. And I only went up to the sidewalk when a lot of fast traffic was bearing down on me, otherwise I kept on the road. Heck, I even remembered the hand signals. I was fine until I reached the CN/Via Rail bridge just south of Danforth, I was halfway up the incline when my knees and legs, poor things, started to give out on me, so for about 50 meters (do I really have to translate for the US folks?) I used the curb to get me along while I rested, then I continued to my street and home.
I have to say it was exhilarating to do the ride. It took about 35 mins total. According to MS Streets, the route is approximately 8.7 kilometres (though any cyclist can tell you a bike tends to travel more than a vehicle due to hapenstances) and would take a car at the speed limit about 14 mins to accomplish. So, in my out of shape existence, I am quite proud of my efforts. The only really pain was felt early when my right calf decided to say hello rather loudly; other than that it was pure fatigue over time. The one sore spot on the journey, literally, was my ass.
It would seem that a fat ass does not have the fat spread evenly across the entire ass surface. This leads to a gather of ass fat in all places but the area needed when sitting on the standard issue POS seat that comes with the POS Crappy Tire Supercycle. So, the first order of business will be to either replace seat entirely or to buy a gel seat covering so that my tender bones that the hard seat was able to easily fine and grind into fine powder will be protected on the next run.
When will that be? Well unless you want me to blog you from said hospital on McCowan, we won't be doing the return trip today. I will be heading out by TTC (our wonderfully inept transit system) to go and get my baby (TR not DW or TC). We will be together again and we will both be cool and clean (had to shower when I got home, phewwww).
I will say one more thing about cycling. It leaves you with a lot of time for you and your thoughts. Alone. I must say I am surprised some of you still deal with me. I am one very strange thinking dude.
Ciao.
Let's face the facts, shall we? I am a curry, flour and ice cream-loving carnivore. I am also a lethargic, arm chair critic, sloth-like coach potato. At an admittedly overweight 300+ pounds (but you would be surprised at how flexible, spry and mobile I am), 37 years old and counting, and bad circulation plus arthritic joints (gotta stop cracking knuckles), I am not going to challenge Lance Armstrong for his sixth consecutive Tour de France trophy. I am also, not having trained, going to keep up with MsMittens and WonderBoy (or Toy, or Rod or whatever she calls him) on their massive bike tours of Canada. So what do I hope to do? Well, I love riding, I always have (it was to freedom in my youth what a vehicle is in adulthood). So, I want to get back to doing some regular riding. The way to do that was to NOT start the way I did today.
I had occasion to ride back home as I had, well the truck had, an appointment at 8:30AM at Fine Details in Scarborough. We have no time or inclination this time out to clean the nastiness that we call our vehicles so we decided to pay someone else to have that pleasure. While they missed a couple of things (hey, no one is perfect) overall they did a decent job on DW's POS. So, today is TR's turn and I thought why not take this opportunity to save some money and get some exercise. I packed the old POS Crappy Tire Supercycle into the back after emptying TR of anything useful and drove on up to Sheppard. I saw Nazeer and took the bike out and headed home.
Ouch, what the heck was that? Oh *&^%(*&^% a muscle. That's where you got to eh? Well welcome back to daylight friend, now help me push my fat ass down the sidewalk. I totally forgot to take my helmet so I was riding illegally today; what a nice way to start off. Okay, so downhill is okay. I still tried to peddle slowly so that my body got used to the motions again without me winding up in the hospital or as roadkill in front of some truck or alternate ROO). My first challenge was the slight incline going south on McCowan. No problemo, as I powered up the sidewalk until I crested the small hill and headed down to the driveway of the CTV. Continued down McCowan, over the westbound onramp, up another incline, across the eastbound onramp and down a slight incline. Uhm, where's the sidewalk? Frickin' bus station driveway.
Ok, to save my hide from the nutters on the road, of which I have seen a couple for the morning already, I decide to stay on the sidewalk, up the incline into the STC (Scarborough Towne Centre), past the YMCA, buddy reversing in the passing lane beside the park and ride area, and remembering that nasty hill near the hospital, I continued on City Centre Drive towards Brimley. So, continuing along Brimley, it has a few shallow inclines that were a small challenge but not enough to make me pass out. And I only went up to the sidewalk when a lot of fast traffic was bearing down on me, otherwise I kept on the road. Heck, I even remembered the hand signals. I was fine until I reached the CN/Via Rail bridge just south of Danforth, I was halfway up the incline when my knees and legs, poor things, started to give out on me, so for about 50 meters (do I really have to translate for the US folks?) I used the curb to get me along while I rested, then I continued to my street and home.
I have to say it was exhilarating to do the ride. It took about 35 mins total. According to MS Streets, the route is approximately 8.7 kilometres (though any cyclist can tell you a bike tends to travel more than a vehicle due to hapenstances) and would take a car at the speed limit about 14 mins to accomplish. So, in my out of shape existence, I am quite proud of my efforts. The only really pain was felt early when my right calf decided to say hello rather loudly; other than that it was pure fatigue over time. The one sore spot on the journey, literally, was my ass.
It would seem that a fat ass does not have the fat spread evenly across the entire ass surface. This leads to a gather of ass fat in all places but the area needed when sitting on the standard issue POS seat that comes with the POS Crappy Tire Supercycle. So, the first order of business will be to either replace seat entirely or to buy a gel seat covering so that my tender bones that the hard seat was able to easily fine and grind into fine powder will be protected on the next run.
When will that be? Well unless you want me to blog you from said hospital on McCowan, we won't be doing the return trip today. I will be heading out by TTC (our wonderfully inept transit system) to go and get my baby (TR not DW or TC). We will be together again and we will both be cool and clean (had to shower when I got home, phewwww).
I will say one more thing about cycling. It leaves you with a lot of time for you and your thoughts. Alone. I must say I am surprised some of you still deal with me. I am one very strange thinking dude.
Ciao.
Fry his ass
Toronto Police Service
News Release
Man facing 11 charges in sexual assault investigation
Tuesday, July 19, 2005 - 11:27 AM
Sex Crimes Unit
416-808-7267
On Monday, July 18, 2005, members of the Child Exploitation Section of the Sex Crimes Unit, with the assistance of the South Simcoe Police Service, arrested a man for alleged sexual offences dating back over ten years.
During the period between 1983 and 1993, it is alleged that Ralph Webster Dodge committed sexual offences on two children. The alleged offences were committed on one child when she was between the ages of seven and 16 years and the second child when she was 15 years old.
Dodge is a former resident of Miami, Florida and Quebec. He was also a one-time member of the National Ballet School.
Ralph Webster (Web) Dodge, 35, is charged with six counts of Sexual Assault, two counts of Sexual Interference, Sexual Assault with a Weapon, Aggravated Sexual Assault, Intercourse with a Female Under Fourteen
Dodge was scheduled to appear in court on Tuesday, July 19, 2005, at 10 a.m., room 412, 1911 Eglinton Avenue East.
Anyone with information regarding Dodge or his activities is asked to contact Detective Constable Lori Haggett of the Child Exploitation Section at 416-808-7267 or Detective Constable Sheryl Steley of the South Simcoe Police Service at 705-436-2141 extension 2035 or Crime Stoppers at 416-222-TIPS (8477) or online at www.222tips.com.
Constable Wendy Drummond, Corporate Communications, for Acting Staff Inspector Elizabeth Byrnes, Sex Crimes Unit
News Release
Man facing 11 charges in sexual assault investigation
Tuesday, July 19, 2005 - 11:27 AM
Sex Crimes Unit
416-808-7267
On Monday, July 18, 2005, members of the Child Exploitation Section of the Sex Crimes Unit, with the assistance of the South Simcoe Police Service, arrested a man for alleged sexual offences dating back over ten years.
During the period between 1983 and 1993, it is alleged that Ralph Webster Dodge committed sexual offences on two children. The alleged offences were committed on one child when she was between the ages of seven and 16 years and the second child when she was 15 years old.
Dodge is a former resident of Miami, Florida and Quebec. He was also a one-time member of the National Ballet School.
Ralph Webster (Web) Dodge, 35, is charged with six counts of Sexual Assault, two counts of Sexual Interference, Sexual Assault with a Weapon, Aggravated Sexual Assault, Intercourse with a Female Under Fourteen
Dodge was scheduled to appear in court on Tuesday, July 19, 2005, at 10 a.m., room 412, 1911 Eglinton Avenue East.
Anyone with information regarding Dodge or his activities is asked to contact Detective Constable Lori Haggett of the Child Exploitation Section at 416-808-7267 or Detective Constable Sheryl Steley of the South Simcoe Police Service at 705-436-2141 extension 2035 or Crime Stoppers at 416-222-TIPS (8477) or online at www.222tips.com.
Constable Wendy Drummond, Corporate Communications, for Acting Staff Inspector Elizabeth Byrnes, Sex Crimes Unit
Monday, July 18, 2005
Which house do you belong to?
OK, maybe the third attempt will be the charm. I am starting to feel that writing a post about young Mr. Potter is tempting the fates or something. First I had the IE issue that wiped the original out, now I had Firefox crash and burn my second attempt. Nothing will stop me from finishing this time though.
So, DW and I purchased the sixth installment in the Harry Potter series (of which she is about a quarter of the way through already, bloody woman). Unless you have been under a rock for the last several years, the only following for a series as large as for Potter had either orcs or droids in the films. Yes, it is that big a phenomenon. And if you thought there were losers in line for Revenge of the Sith, you should peruse the papers and news shows for glimpses of a really sad corner of society where grown people lined up past midnight, in costumes, to buy a book DW and I walked into Kennedy Commons Chapters on Saturday afternoon and picked up off a huge pile of copies.
Anyhow, the series of books follows a young, inexperienced but powerful wizard as he grows and mature and battles the forces that left him an orphan and are still trying to kill him off. The books are well written and have translated well into the three films so far. The fourth film should be out in November of this year and should prove to be the darkest of the movies yet, following the progression of the series as told in the books.
Speaking of darkness, there are some strange fronts backlashing against the series as they say it is promoting dark arts, cults, the occult arts, and straying kids away from organized religion. These, er, concerned groups are calling for a boycott against everything Harry Potter. Of course, they are not the only ones trying to boycott the boy wizard as it seems some fans are pissed off at WB for sending legal letters to kids who have fan sites set up". Tsk tsk corporate dweebs.
Now, the only bad thing I have to say about the Potter series, and its author Ms. J. K. Rowling, is that it has a penchant to truly pick on one thing: fat people. As it is 2005, I truly hope that she has gotten a clue and laid off of the cruel comments and snide remarks made against overweight characters; it is unnecessary and diminishes the series overall.
Anyhow, below you should see a link to see which of the four houses you would belong too. Let's just say that you don't want to be in the house of Slytherin. :)
CIAO!
I'm a Ravenclaw!
So, DW and I purchased the sixth installment in the Harry Potter series (of which she is about a quarter of the way through already, bloody woman). Unless you have been under a rock for the last several years, the only following for a series as large as for Potter had either orcs or droids in the films. Yes, it is that big a phenomenon. And if you thought there were losers in line for Revenge of the Sith, you should peruse the papers and news shows for glimpses of a really sad corner of society where grown people lined up past midnight, in costumes, to buy a book DW and I walked into Kennedy Commons Chapters on Saturday afternoon and picked up off a huge pile of copies.
Anyhow, the series of books follows a young, inexperienced but powerful wizard as he grows and mature and battles the forces that left him an orphan and are still trying to kill him off. The books are well written and have translated well into the three films so far. The fourth film should be out in November of this year and should prove to be the darkest of the movies yet, following the progression of the series as told in the books.
Speaking of darkness, there are some strange fronts backlashing against the series as they say it is promoting dark arts, cults, the occult arts, and straying kids away from organized religion. These, er, concerned groups are calling for a boycott against everything Harry Potter. Of course, they are not the only ones trying to boycott the boy wizard as it seems some fans are pissed off at WB for sending legal letters to kids who have fan sites set up". Tsk tsk corporate dweebs.
Now, the only bad thing I have to say about the Potter series, and its author Ms. J. K. Rowling, is that it has a penchant to truly pick on one thing: fat people. As it is 2005, I truly hope that she has gotten a clue and laid off of the cruel comments and snide remarks made against overweight characters; it is unnecessary and diminishes the series overall.
Anyhow, below you should see a link to see which of the four houses you would belong too. Let's just say that you don't want to be in the house of Slytherin. :)
CIAO!
I'm a Ravenclaw!
More (&^%(*&^ Domestic Violence. When will it end?
Homicide #32/2005, Hafiza Chowdhury, 41
Monday, July 18, 2005 - 3:56 PM
Homicide Squad
416-808-7400
On Sunday, July 17, 2005, at approximately 11:40 p.m., officers responded to a 9-1-1 call in the Danforth Road and Warden Avenue area.
At the residence, officers located the body of a 41-year-old woman suffering from obvious trauma. She was taken to St.Michael's Hospital where she succumbed to her injuries.
She has been identified as Hafiza Chowdhury, 41.
A post-mortem examination is scheduled for Tuesday, July 19, 2005.
Arrested and charged with Second Degree Murder is Rafat Chowdhury, 46, of Toronto.
He is scheduled to appear in court at 1911 Eglinton Avenue East, room 412, at 10 a.m. on Tuesday, July 19, 2005.
Monday, July 18, 2005 - 3:56 PM
Homicide Squad
416-808-7400
On Sunday, July 17, 2005, at approximately 11:40 p.m., officers responded to a 9-1-1 call in the Danforth Road and Warden Avenue area.
At the residence, officers located the body of a 41-year-old woman suffering from obvious trauma. She was taken to St.Michael's Hospital where she succumbed to her injuries.
She has been identified as Hafiza Chowdhury, 41.
A post-mortem examination is scheduled for Tuesday, July 19, 2005.
Arrested and charged with Second Degree Murder is Rafat Chowdhury, 46, of Toronto.
He is scheduled to appear in court at 1911 Eglinton Avenue East, room 412, at 10 a.m. on Tuesday, July 19, 2005.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Bloody hell...
Haste makes waste! Remember that phrase? If you do not, then I suggest you do now. This post was supposed to be about Harry Potter and such but in my haste to get out with DW to see a movie (F4, review later), I forgot the golden rule of blogging: Select and Copy entire post BEFORE doing anything that switches screens!
Well, in my haste, and using that nasty Gates product called IE (since DW stubbornly refuses to join the rest of us knowledgeable people to get off the MS teat), I attempted to spell-check my work. Of course, IE never having seen Blogger before, refused to popup an additional window and then cleared my post from ^%(&^%(& view!
OK, no real issue right? I can just hit the ole recover post link and I should have most of my wonderful dissertation on wizards and witches. Nope. It bloody took me back to the original three lines I started with. F-@-@-K!!!!
Now, back to your original programming...
So, we head over to the Eglinton Town Centre to see The Fantastic Four. We have a bunch of movie coupons due to expire in September so we are determined to not lose any. We were going to wait to see it but I was playing around in QuickTime on my, er, work's new Mac mini that I have in my possession (possession is nine tenths of the law, right?) and watched the F4 trailer in high definition. Suhweeet. So it got me and I decided that we should go see this since our original choice (The Wedding Crashers) was part of a double bill at The Docks' drive-in, which we would be attending tonight. OK, I invite comment that I am at 37 a drive-in virgin. DW has kindly volunteered to pop that particular cherry.
I used to collect (or is that horde under my bed like a pack rat) thousands of comics. That is until one day my mother and her evil twin (my sister) decided that MY room was too messy and proceeded to gather up all my precious comics and throw them away in big green garbage bags. I was not even allowed to save them from the curb. Now, I know you are thinking, "So what?" Well, for one, all the money to buy those comics came from my parents so they just trashed over a thousand bucks in investment. Number two, those comics today would be worth at least ten times that amount. If you know anything about comics, I used to regularly buy a number of series: Fantastic Four, Spiderman - Amazing, Tales and Team-up, ALL the X-men versions, Batman, Superman, Justice League, some Flash, Johnny Cage and Ghost Rider, and a lot of the special editions and crossovers (like Secret Wars). ALL GONE! I still hold a nice grudge about that if you have not noticed. I left another 1100+ with a friend when I moved some years ago and lost track of him. Either it is still in his possession, he smartly sold it, or another box bit the dust. Did I mention that most were in very good to mint (as in just store bought) condition? Sigh.
Anyhow, since I collected comics, I am a big critic of any changes that divert from the original story so that they can craft it into the movie line. Spiderman did not spin webs from his own fluids (ewwwww), he made various web formulas to fight the different criminals' powers and circumstances as they presented themselves. The Fantastic Four did not live within eyesight of Dr. Doom's lair (why are all the powerful, evil dudes named Victor?), and Daredevil was not such a putz. So, I do my best to allow some leeway if the storyline makes up for it and the special effects are dazzling. Granted, trying to explain to the average movie go-er in 2 hours what has culminated in a couple of decades of issues is a very difficult task. The director both hit and miss on this note in F4.
I will say that it is a decent afternoon matinee (read cheap) time-waster as anything that blows shit up good deserves theatre sound. I just would not recommend paying full pop for it as with any starting movie in a franchise has too take way too long to establish the how, where and why of the super powers before getting to the ass-kicking. Maybe in F4-2 there will be a whole lot more death and destruction on a grander scale to live up to one of the best comic book series of all time.
Now, before I sign off on this, I would be remiss if I did not tell the latest movie tale of the DW. There we are in the theatre, yapping through the insidious commercial crap. We decide that a refill of my iced tea is in order as well as our Reel Deal should have come with a candy bar, so my dear DW volunteers to do the honours. When she gets back, they have started into the main (louder) commercials and previews. So, on comes this movie and the guy is kicking serious ass everywhere. Everything on my face and in my posture says that I am really interested in this preview and I am concentrating on the screen. Yet, my spider sense is picking up a buzzing in my ear. What is that? Oh. Yes dear? The Reel Deal no longer comes with? The other deal is better? They should have told us? Yes, please do the math for me ....right...now! So, my face is that which i have when I am watching sports and she insanely believes that my attention will be diverted as she is talking. BING! DW realizes that I am watching this preview, which is almost done and I missed the good parts, and stops her story of the cheating movie house (playing all over at a spot near you). After the preview for Transporter 2 completes, i intently listen to her story. After all, she got me iced tea. :)
To end this little post, I must say that we did not have dinner prior, so like bad little people, we went down into the seedy bowels of the T-dot, well, halfway between Regent Park and Yonge Street on Dundas, to George's Chicken. Everyone who has every partied late into the morning knows that there are four places you can count on at 3AM when you have the munchies and need to sober up" Fran's, The Griddle on Front, Mr. Submarine off of Dufferin and George's. I'll talk a bit more about George's another time. So we got dinner to go, drove back past the hookers, drunks and dealers, and headed home. Having seen the preview for Transporter2, which means it must be coming out soon, I had a serious itch to finally watch the first one; if I could find it in the DVD library. It took a while to locate it as I had it in my mind that the case was dark with light lettering not the other way around. Duh. So, we watched, well I did mainly, and it is not a bad time waster. It looks like more ass gets kicked in the second one so I cannot wait.
Ciao.
Well, in my haste, and using that nasty Gates product called IE (since DW stubbornly refuses to join the rest of us knowledgeable people to get off the MS teat), I attempted to spell-check my work. Of course, IE never having seen Blogger before, refused to popup an additional window and then cleared my post from ^%(&^%(& view!
OK, no real issue right? I can just hit the ole recover post link and I should have most of my wonderful dissertation on wizards and witches. Nope. It bloody took me back to the original three lines I started with. F-@-@-K!!!!
Now, back to your original programming...
So, we head over to the Eglinton Town Centre to see The Fantastic Four. We have a bunch of movie coupons due to expire in September so we are determined to not lose any. We were going to wait to see it but I was playing around in QuickTime on my, er, work's new Mac mini that I have in my possession (possession is nine tenths of the law, right?) and watched the F4 trailer in high definition. Suhweeet. So it got me and I decided that we should go see this since our original choice (The Wedding Crashers) was part of a double bill at The Docks' drive-in, which we would be attending tonight. OK, I invite comment that I am at 37 a drive-in virgin. DW has kindly volunteered to pop that particular cherry.
I used to collect (or is that horde under my bed like a pack rat) thousands of comics. That is until one day my mother and her evil twin (my sister) decided that MY room was too messy and proceeded to gather up all my precious comics and throw them away in big green garbage bags. I was not even allowed to save them from the curb. Now, I know you are thinking, "So what?" Well, for one, all the money to buy those comics came from my parents so they just trashed over a thousand bucks in investment. Number two, those comics today would be worth at least ten times that amount. If you know anything about comics, I used to regularly buy a number of series: Fantastic Four, Spiderman - Amazing, Tales and Team-up, ALL the X-men versions, Batman, Superman, Justice League, some Flash, Johnny Cage and Ghost Rider, and a lot of the special editions and crossovers (like Secret Wars). ALL GONE! I still hold a nice grudge about that if you have not noticed. I left another 1100+ with a friend when I moved some years ago and lost track of him. Either it is still in his possession, he smartly sold it, or another box bit the dust. Did I mention that most were in very good to mint (as in just store bought) condition? Sigh.
Anyhow, since I collected comics, I am a big critic of any changes that divert from the original story so that they can craft it into the movie line. Spiderman did not spin webs from his own fluids (ewwwww), he made various web formulas to fight the different criminals' powers and circumstances as they presented themselves. The Fantastic Four did not live within eyesight of Dr. Doom's lair (why are all the powerful, evil dudes named Victor?), and Daredevil was not such a putz. So, I do my best to allow some leeway if the storyline makes up for it and the special effects are dazzling. Granted, trying to explain to the average movie go-er in 2 hours what has culminated in a couple of decades of issues is a very difficult task. The director both hit and miss on this note in F4.
I will say that it is a decent afternoon matinee (read cheap) time-waster as anything that blows shit up good deserves theatre sound. I just would not recommend paying full pop for it as with any starting movie in a franchise has too take way too long to establish the how, where and why of the super powers before getting to the ass-kicking. Maybe in F4-2 there will be a whole lot more death and destruction on a grander scale to live up to one of the best comic book series of all time.
Now, before I sign off on this, I would be remiss if I did not tell the latest movie tale of the DW. There we are in the theatre, yapping through the insidious commercial crap. We decide that a refill of my iced tea is in order as well as our Reel Deal should have come with a candy bar, so my dear DW volunteers to do the honours. When she gets back, they have started into the main (louder) commercials and previews. So, on comes this movie and the guy is kicking serious ass everywhere. Everything on my face and in my posture says that I am really interested in this preview and I am concentrating on the screen. Yet, my spider sense is picking up a buzzing in my ear. What is that? Oh. Yes dear? The Reel Deal no longer comes with? The other deal is better? They should have told us? Yes, please do the math for me ....right...now! So, my face is that which i have when I am watching sports and she insanely believes that my attention will be diverted as she is talking. BING! DW realizes that I am watching this preview, which is almost done and I missed the good parts, and stops her story of the cheating movie house (playing all over at a spot near you). After the preview for Transporter 2 completes, i intently listen to her story. After all, she got me iced tea. :)
To end this little post, I must say that we did not have dinner prior, so like bad little people, we went down into the seedy bowels of the T-dot, well, halfway between Regent Park and Yonge Street on Dundas, to George's Chicken. Everyone who has every partied late into the morning knows that there are four places you can count on at 3AM when you have the munchies and need to sober up" Fran's, The Griddle on Front, Mr. Submarine off of Dufferin and George's. I'll talk a bit more about George's another time. So we got dinner to go, drove back past the hookers, drunks and dealers, and headed home. Having seen the preview for Transporter2, which means it must be coming out soon, I had a serious itch to finally watch the first one; if I could find it in the DVD library. It took a while to locate it as I had it in my mind that the case was dark with light lettering not the other way around. Duh. So, we watched, well I did mainly, and it is not a bad time waster. It looks like more ass gets kicked in the second one so I cannot wait.
Ciao.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Friday Funnies
A joke from my MIL.
--------------------
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Rabbi are discussing what they would like people to say after they die and their bodies are on display in open caskets.
Priest: I would like someone to say "He was a righteous man, an honest man, and very generous."
Minister: I would like someone to say "He was very kind and fair, and he was very good to his parishioners."
Rabbi: I would want someone to say "Look - - - he's moving.! ! "
--------------------
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Rabbi are discussing what they would like people to say after they die and their bodies are on display in open caskets.
Priest: I would like someone to say "He was a righteous man, an honest man, and very generous."
Minister: I would like someone to say "He was very kind and fair, and he was very good to his parishioners."
Rabbi: I would want someone to say "Look - - - he's moving.! ! "
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Continuing my quest to enlighten safety concerns.
Traffic Fatality #24/2005
Thursday, July 14, 2005 - 1:15 PM
Traffic Services
416-808-1900
On Thursday, July 14, 2005 at 8:28 a.m., a 73-year-old man was attempting to cross Christie Street north of Yarmouth Road when he was struck by a motor vehicle that was travelling southbound on Christie Street. As a result of the collision, the man was knocked to the ground Emergency services were notified and attended the scene.
He was taken to St. Michael’s Hospital where he succumbed to his injuries.
The collision occurred near a clearly visible pedestrian crossover.
People are reminded the safest way to cross the street is at signalized intersections or clearly marked pedestrian crossovers.
Thursday, July 14, 2005 - 1:15 PM
Traffic Services
416-808-1900
On Thursday, July 14, 2005 at 8:28 a.m., a 73-year-old man was attempting to cross Christie Street north of Yarmouth Road when he was struck by a motor vehicle that was travelling southbound on Christie Street. As a result of the collision, the man was knocked to the ground Emergency services were notified and attended the scene.
He was taken to St. Michael’s Hospital where he succumbed to his injuries.
The collision occurred near a clearly visible pedestrian crossover.
People are reminded the safest way to cross the street is at signalized intersections or clearly marked pedestrian crossovers.
Get yourself a Virgin of your own!
So, everyone (especially her family) thinks that DW is this sweet, pristine person that I have somehow corrupted and taken over into the dark side. Let's be truthful here for a moment shall we? She's taken me to some places I did not know even existed. So, enough with the charade!
This little gem is hilarious and twisted AND, most importantly, submitted by DW. Enjoy.
Billy and the Catch
This little gem is hilarious and twisted AND, most importantly, submitted by DW. Enjoy.
Billy and the Catch
CRANBERRY CHUTNEY
Courtesy of: Summer's Best
Episode: Dock to Dock Party
Host: Julie Zwillich
CRANBERRY CHUTNEY
Yield:0
* 2 lb. fresh cranberries
* 1 x shallot, finely chopped
* 1 tbsp fresh ginger, minced
* 1 cup sugar
* 1 tsp orange zest
* Fresh juice of an orange
Directions:
1. Place cranberries, shallot, orange zest and juice in a pot, add water, just enough to cover. Bring to a boil and simmer until a jam like consistency is achieved. Remove from heat and cool.
Episode: Dock to Dock Party
Host: Julie Zwillich
CRANBERRY CHUTNEY
Yield:0
* 2 lb. fresh cranberries
* 1 x shallot, finely chopped
* 1 tbsp fresh ginger, minced
* 1 cup sugar
* 1 tsp orange zest
* Fresh juice of an orange
Directions:
1. Place cranberries, shallot, orange zest and juice in a pot, add water, just enough to cover. Bring to a boil and simmer until a jam like consistency is achieved. Remove from heat and cool.
MUSSELS ALLA ‘MY WAY’
Courtesy of: David Rocco's Dolce Vita
Episode: Eddy Hits Town
Host: David Rocco
MUSSELS ALLA ‘MY WAY’
Yield:4
* 3 lb. mussels, rinsed, beards removed(1.36kg)
* 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil (60ml)
* 2 cloves garlic, crushed
* dry chili peppers, crushed (optional)
* 1 cup white wine (240ml)
* 1/2 cup red wine vinegar (120ml)
* bunch of Italian parsley, finely chopped
* Salt to season
Directions:
1. Discard any mussels that are open and remain open when you pinch the shells together.
2. Heat up extra virgin olive oil in a pot. Add dry chili peppers and garlic.
3. Add mussels and wine to the pot and cover with lid. Cook for a couple of minutes then add red wine vinegar, parsley and salt. Stir well and cover. Steam until mussel shells are fully opened.
4. Remove any mussels that have not opened as well as the garlic cloves.
5. Place mussels with in a bowl and drench it with broth. Serve with a spoon, as the broth is to die for.
Episode: Eddy Hits Town
Host: David Rocco
MUSSELS ALLA ‘MY WAY’
Yield:4
* 3 lb. mussels, rinsed, beards removed(1.36kg)
* 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil (60ml)
* 2 cloves garlic, crushed
* dry chili peppers, crushed (optional)
* 1 cup white wine (240ml)
* 1/2 cup red wine vinegar (120ml)
* bunch of Italian parsley, finely chopped
* Salt to season
Directions:
1. Discard any mussels that are open and remain open when you pinch the shells together.
2. Heat up extra virgin olive oil in a pot. Add dry chili peppers and garlic.
3. Add mussels and wine to the pot and cover with lid. Cook for a couple of minutes then add red wine vinegar, parsley and salt. Stir well and cover. Steam until mussel shells are fully opened.
4. Remove any mussels that have not opened as well as the garlic cloves.
5. Place mussels with in a bowl and drench it with broth. Serve with a spoon, as the broth is to die for.
STUFFED TOMATOES
Courtesy of: Summer's Best
Episode: Tastes of the County
Host: Julie Zwillich
STUFFED TOMATOES 2
Yield:4
* 2 tbsp olive oil
* 2 tbsp each fresh basil, oregano, parsley, chives; chopped
* 1 cup goat’s cheese
* 4 x tomatoes
* salt to taste
Directions:
1. Using a sharp knife remove the stems from the tomatoes, approx. 2” wide by 1” deep.
2. Roughly chop the fresh herbs and mix with goat’s cheese. Divide the cheese mixture equally among the tomatoes and stuff.
3. Prepare the BBQ to medium high heat. Place the tomatoes on the grill; cover BBQ with lid. Cook until soft, about 7-10 minutes.
Episode: Tastes of the County
Host: Julie Zwillich
STUFFED TOMATOES 2
Yield:4
* 2 tbsp olive oil
* 2 tbsp each fresh basil, oregano, parsley, chives; chopped
* 1 cup goat’s cheese
* 4 x tomatoes
* salt to taste
Directions:
1. Using a sharp knife remove the stems from the tomatoes, approx. 2” wide by 1” deep.
2. Roughly chop the fresh herbs and mix with goat’s cheese. Divide the cheese mixture equally among the tomatoes and stuff.
3. Prepare the BBQ to medium high heat. Place the tomatoes on the grill; cover BBQ with lid. Cook until soft, about 7-10 minutes.
MEXICAN TAMALES
Courtesy of: Summer's Best
Episode: Boys and Grills
Host: Julie Zwillich
MEXICAN TAMALES
Yield:10
* 2 tbsp canola oil
* 2 x cloves garlic, finely chopped
* 1 x red onion, sliced
* 2 cup corn kernels, fresh off the cob
* -1 x green onions, chopped
* 1 x red hot pepper, chopped
* 1 x yellow hot pepper, chopped
* 1 1/2 masa harina
* 3/4 tsp baking powder
* 1 tsp chili powder
* 3/4 tsp salt
* 3 tbsp softened butter
* 1/3 cup shortening
* 3/4 cup vegetable broth
* 10 x dried corn husks, soaked in water
Directions:
1. In a pan sauté the onion and garlic in oil. When cooled, mix with corn, green onion and peppers.
2. Mix the masa, baking powder, chili powder and salt together.
3. In another bowl, beat the butter and shortening together until very light and creamy, about 5 minutes. Gradually beat in 3 tablespoons of masa mixture, then 3 tablespoons of broth until light and fluffy, about 1 minute. Continue beating in the masa and broth, alternately, until the dough is very smooth and of spreading consistency, about 5 minutes.
4. Place 1 husk on a flat surface and put about 1 tablespoon of dough in the center. Put 1 tablespoon of corn, onion and pepper mixture on top of the dough, and then a second tablespoon of the dough. Form it into a cylinder, leaving 1-inch on each end. Fold the sides of the husk to the center to overlap. Tie ends or fold the pointed end over the center of the tamale. Repeat with remaining filling.
5. Place in a bamboo steamer and steam for 15 minutes.
Episode: Boys and Grills
Host: Julie Zwillich
MEXICAN TAMALES
Yield:10
* 2 tbsp canola oil
* 2 x cloves garlic, finely chopped
* 1 x red onion, sliced
* 2 cup corn kernels, fresh off the cob
* -1 x green onions, chopped
* 1 x red hot pepper, chopped
* 1 x yellow hot pepper, chopped
* 1 1/2 masa harina
* 3/4 tsp baking powder
* 1 tsp chili powder
* 3/4 tsp salt
* 3 tbsp softened butter
* 1/3 cup shortening
* 3/4 cup vegetable broth
* 10 x dried corn husks, soaked in water
Directions:
1. In a pan sauté the onion and garlic in oil. When cooled, mix with corn, green onion and peppers.
2. Mix the masa, baking powder, chili powder and salt together.
3. In another bowl, beat the butter and shortening together until very light and creamy, about 5 minutes. Gradually beat in 3 tablespoons of masa mixture, then 3 tablespoons of broth until light and fluffy, about 1 minute. Continue beating in the masa and broth, alternately, until the dough is very smooth and of spreading consistency, about 5 minutes.
4. Place 1 husk on a flat surface and put about 1 tablespoon of dough in the center. Put 1 tablespoon of corn, onion and pepper mixture on top of the dough, and then a second tablespoon of the dough. Form it into a cylinder, leaving 1-inch on each end. Fold the sides of the husk to the center to overlap. Tie ends or fold the pointed end over the center of the tamale. Repeat with remaining filling.
5. Place in a bamboo steamer and steam for 15 minutes.
RAINBOW KABOBS AND CLOUD DIP
An interesting recipe from FoodTV Canada.
Courtesy of: Summer's Best
Episode: Playgroup Lunch
Host: Julie Zwillich
RAINBOW KABOBS AND CLOUD DIP
Yield:N/A
* 1 1/2 cups pineapple
* 1 1/2 cups watermelon
* 1 1/2 cups grapes
* 1 1/2 cups strawberries
* 1 1/2 cups banana
* 1 1/2 cups blackberries
* 1 1/2 cups honeydew melon
* 1 1/2 cups canteloupe
Cloud Dip
* 2 cups vanilla yogurt
* 2 tbsp maple syrup
Directions:
1. Cut all the fruit into bite size pieces, about 1”. Set up a work station with skewers and cut fruit in bowls. Allow the children to assemble their own skewers.
2. In a bowl, combine the yogurt and maple syrup. Serve as a dip for the rainbow kabobs.
Visit foodtv.ca often for great new recipes from the world's top chefs.
Sign up for the foodtv.ca newsletter for recipes, menu planning, show info, contests and more!
Courtesy of: Summer's Best
Episode: Playgroup Lunch
Host: Julie Zwillich
RAINBOW KABOBS AND CLOUD DIP
Yield:N/A
* 1 1/2 cups pineapple
* 1 1/2 cups watermelon
* 1 1/2 cups grapes
* 1 1/2 cups strawberries
* 1 1/2 cups banana
* 1 1/2 cups blackberries
* 1 1/2 cups honeydew melon
* 1 1/2 cups canteloupe
Cloud Dip
* 2 cups vanilla yogurt
* 2 tbsp maple syrup
Directions:
1. Cut all the fruit into bite size pieces, about 1”. Set up a work station with skewers and cut fruit in bowls. Allow the children to assemble their own skewers.
2. In a bowl, combine the yogurt and maple syrup. Serve as a dip for the rainbow kabobs.
Visit foodtv.ca often for great new recipes from the world's top chefs.
Sign up for the foodtv.ca newsletter for recipes, menu planning, show info, contests and more!
A little remiss...
I must apologize fot his late post (well, early if you consider it is 3:22AM, but I digress).
Yesterday was my brother and SIL's 2nd anniversary. Congratulations to them both.
Respecting her privacy, it was also the anniversary of a tragic event for a good friend of ours and I hope that she knows we are here for her whenever she needs us. Time never heals some wounds, but if there is anything we can do from time to time, just say the word.
Life is a funny thing; peculiar, not ha-ha all the time. In the wake of our recent friend's passing, I would like to respectfully remind everyone to be safe out there in all ways. If not in an exclusive relationship, use proper protection (and to the young and stupid, birth control is NOT protection). On the water, one of the areas one has the least control when an accident is unfolding (coefficient of friction and all that), always wear some type of floating device, location device and identification. There are lots of new things to help keep one safe and to help locate you when you are in need of help.
Finally, and this is the easiest and the most prolific amount of stupidity, wear your bloody seat belts at all times in ALL belted positions in the vehicle in which you are riding. A recent crash of a minivan injured seven people killing at least two of them. The least hurt were in the second row and belted. All but one of the others, I believe, we ejected from the vehicle instantly killing at least one person. And this was a simple van into the ditch. They estimated that all of them would have lived if they had been belted.
If the seatbelt needs adjustment due to height, weight, girth, breasts, previous injury, whatever, there are devices to allow for that as well. The POS my DW now drives had an annoying habit of cutting into her shoulder. In days of old, one would simply move the shoulder belt portion behind you as you drove. This action could cause even more injury. We bought a belt cushion from Crappy Tire and it is no longer and issue (except for that swishing sound that nylon on cloth makes). There are belt extenders. There are booster seats. And while we are on the kids, go to one of the OPP (or other law enforcement) clinics and ensure that your child seat is being put into your vehicle the most secure way.
For a little investment in time, the reward and return is immeasurable and priceless; the saving of a life.
Peace and love.
Yesterday was my brother and SIL's 2nd anniversary. Congratulations to them both.
Respecting her privacy, it was also the anniversary of a tragic event for a good friend of ours and I hope that she knows we are here for her whenever she needs us. Time never heals some wounds, but if there is anything we can do from time to time, just say the word.
Life is a funny thing; peculiar, not ha-ha all the time. In the wake of our recent friend's passing, I would like to respectfully remind everyone to be safe out there in all ways. If not in an exclusive relationship, use proper protection (and to the young and stupid, birth control is NOT protection). On the water, one of the areas one has the least control when an accident is unfolding (coefficient of friction and all that), always wear some type of floating device, location device and identification. There are lots of new things to help keep one safe and to help locate you when you are in need of help.
Finally, and this is the easiest and the most prolific amount of stupidity, wear your bloody seat belts at all times in ALL belted positions in the vehicle in which you are riding. A recent crash of a minivan injured seven people killing at least two of them. The least hurt were in the second row and belted. All but one of the others, I believe, we ejected from the vehicle instantly killing at least one person. And this was a simple van into the ditch. They estimated that all of them would have lived if they had been belted.
If the seatbelt needs adjustment due to height, weight, girth, breasts, previous injury, whatever, there are devices to allow for that as well. The POS my DW now drives had an annoying habit of cutting into her shoulder. In days of old, one would simply move the shoulder belt portion behind you as you drove. This action could cause even more injury. We bought a belt cushion from Crappy Tire and it is no longer and issue (except for that swishing sound that nylon on cloth makes). There are belt extenders. There are booster seats. And while we are on the kids, go to one of the OPP (or other law enforcement) clinics and ensure that your child seat is being put into your vehicle the most secure way.
For a little investment in time, the reward and return is immeasurable and priceless; the saving of a life.
Peace and love.
Church Bells
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...
--------------------------------------
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even...Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
--------------------------
Submitted by BT
--------------------------------------
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even...Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
--------------------------
Submitted by BT
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
A funny video
I am trying to get back to my email-type format of dropping a bunch of jokes on a Friday and Monday to help people after a long week and back into the grind, respectively. That said, I had to post this one submitted by my BIL (who i think is still in Greece working right now). I warn you now that you may not want to watch it if you are a George Bush fan or supporter; it will make anyone that knows you question your sanity. :)
Enjoy.
B-U-S-H
Enjoy.
B-U-S-H
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Things stressed women say at work
Things stressed women say at work
------------------------------------------------
1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
11. I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet!
16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
18. I work 60 hours a week to be this poor.
19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.
22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
24. Earth is full. Go home.
25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
28. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
-----------------------------------------
Submitted by MAS
------------------------------------------------
1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
11. I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet!
16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
18. I work 60 hours a week to be this poor.
19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.
22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
24. Earth is full. Go home.
25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
28. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
-----------------------------------------
Submitted by MAS
Kids' Ideas about Love
Kids' Ideas about Love
Kids, aged 5 to 10, were asked questions about what they thought of love and marriage. Here's what they said.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love and Marriage:
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7
"Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." -- John, age 9
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." -- Mae, age 9
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." -- Greg, age 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." -- Tom, age 5
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -- Mike, 10
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when Dinosaurs is on television." -- Jill, age 6
"One of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." -- Andrew, age 6
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -- Carolyn, age 8
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -- Kenny, age 7
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." -- Ava, age 8
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced.'" -- Anita, 9
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." -- Regina, age 10
"Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." -- Angie, age 10
"A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together." -- Marlon, age 10
"[Being] single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." -- Kirsten, age 10
"Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime." -- Floyd, age 9
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kissing:
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down, and they don't get up for at least an hour." -- Wendy, age 8
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -- Jim, age 10
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -- Kally, age 9
"You learn [how to kiss] right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." -- Doug, age 7
"If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission." -- Roger, age 6
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." -- Tammy, age 10
"I know one reason kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." -- Gina, age 8
"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." -- Curt, age 7
"The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It's the right thing to do." -- Howard, age 8
(on seeing a couple kissing) "He is trying to steal her chewing gum!" -- Boy, age 6
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beauty:
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." -- Anita, age 8
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." -- Christine, age 9
"It isn't always how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything, and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." -- Brian, age 7
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How People In Love Act:
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." -- Brad, age 8
"They act mooshy. Like puppy dogs, except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." -- Arnold, age 10
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." -- Sherm, age 8
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." -- Sarah, age 9
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are -- on fire." -- Christine, age 9
"See if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." -- John, age 9
"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -- Craig, age 9
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What Mom and Dad Have In Common:
"Both don't want no more kids." -- Lori, age 8
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How To Tell If Two People Are Married:
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." -- Eddie, age 6
"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." -- Derrick, age 8
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deciding Who To Marry:
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." -- Allan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." -- Kirsten, age 10
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Strategies For Making People Fall In Love With You:
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." -- Del, age 6
"Shake your hips and hope for the best." -- Camille, age 9
"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there." -- Manuel, age 8
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." -- Alonzo, age 9
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." -- Bart, age 9
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Best Age To Get Married:
"Twenty three is the best age because you know the person forever by then." -- Cam, age 10
"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married!" -- Freddie, age 6
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good Advice About Love:
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." -- Dick, age 7
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." -- Lynnette, age 8
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!" -- Ricky, age 7
"Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love." -- Erin, age 8
"Sensitivity don't hurt." -- Robbie, age 8
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." -- Erin, age 8
"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." -- Natalie, age 9
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What To Do When a First Date Turns Sour:
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." -- Craig, age 9
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What Most People Are Thinking When They Say "I Love You":
"The person is thinking: 'Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.'" -- Michelle, age 9
"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it, and now they can go eat." -- Dick, age 7
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why People In Love Often Hold Hands:
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off, because they paid good money for them." -- Gavin, age 8
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing." -- John, age 9
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Titles of Love Ballads You Can Sing To Your Loved One:
"'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'" -- Eddie, age 6
"'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.'" -- Larry, age 8
"'I Am In Love With You Most of the Time, But Don't Bother Me When I'm With My Friends.'" -- Bob, age 9
"'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?'" -- Arnold, age 10
"'Honey, I Got Your Curly Hair and Your Nintendo On My Mind.'" -- Sharon, age 9
"'Hey, Baby, I Don't Like Girls, But I'm Willing To Forget You Are One!'" -- Will, age 7
------------------
Submitted by the Nova Scotian terror
Kids, aged 5 to 10, were asked questions about what they thought of love and marriage. Here's what they said.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love and Marriage:
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7
"Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." -- John, age 9
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." -- Mae, age 9
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." -- Greg, age 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." -- Tom, age 5
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -- Mike, 10
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when Dinosaurs is on television." -- Jill, age 6
"One of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." -- Andrew, age 6
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -- Carolyn, age 8
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -- Kenny, age 7
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." -- Ava, age 8
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced.'" -- Anita, 9
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." -- Regina, age 10
"Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." -- Angie, age 10
"A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together." -- Marlon, age 10
"[Being] single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." -- Kirsten, age 10
"Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime." -- Floyd, age 9
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kissing:
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down, and they don't get up for at least an hour." -- Wendy, age 8
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -- Jim, age 10
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -- Kally, age 9
"You learn [how to kiss] right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." -- Doug, age 7
"If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission." -- Roger, age 6
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." -- Tammy, age 10
"I know one reason kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." -- Gina, age 8
"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." -- Curt, age 7
"The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It's the right thing to do." -- Howard, age 8
(on seeing a couple kissing) "He is trying to steal her chewing gum!" -- Boy, age 6
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beauty:
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." -- Anita, age 8
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." -- Christine, age 9
"It isn't always how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything, and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." -- Brian, age 7
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How People In Love Act:
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." -- Brad, age 8
"They act mooshy. Like puppy dogs, except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." -- Arnold, age 10
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." -- Sherm, age 8
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." -- Sarah, age 9
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are -- on fire." -- Christine, age 9
"See if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." -- John, age 9
"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -- Craig, age 9
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What Mom and Dad Have In Common:
"Both don't want no more kids." -- Lori, age 8
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How To Tell If Two People Are Married:
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." -- Eddie, age 6
"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." -- Derrick, age 8
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deciding Who To Marry:
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." -- Allan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." -- Kirsten, age 10
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Strategies For Making People Fall In Love With You:
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." -- Del, age 6
"Shake your hips and hope for the best." -- Camille, age 9
"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there." -- Manuel, age 8
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." -- Alonzo, age 9
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." -- Bart, age 9
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Best Age To Get Married:
"Twenty three is the best age because you know the person forever by then." -- Cam, age 10
"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married!" -- Freddie, age 6
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good Advice About Love:
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." -- Dick, age 7
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." -- Lynnette, age 8
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!" -- Ricky, age 7
"Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love." -- Erin, age 8
"Sensitivity don't hurt." -- Robbie, age 8
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." -- Erin, age 8
"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." -- Natalie, age 9
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What To Do When a First Date Turns Sour:
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." -- Craig, age 9
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What Most People Are Thinking When They Say "I Love You":
"The person is thinking: 'Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.'" -- Michelle, age 9
"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it, and now they can go eat." -- Dick, age 7
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why People In Love Often Hold Hands:
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off, because they paid good money for them." -- Gavin, age 8
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing." -- John, age 9
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Titles of Love Ballads You Can Sing To Your Loved One:
"'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'" -- Eddie, age 6
"'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.'" -- Larry, age 8
"'I Am In Love With You Most of the Time, But Don't Bother Me When I'm With My Friends.'" -- Bob, age 9
"'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?'" -- Arnold, age 10
"'Honey, I Got Your Curly Hair and Your Nintendo On My Mind.'" -- Sharon, age 9
"'Hey, Baby, I Don't Like Girls, But I'm Willing To Forget You Are One!'" -- Will, age 7
------------------
Submitted by the Nova Scotian terror
MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
--------------------------------
Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade named: BOOK
BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it.
Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an Armchair by the fire-yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.
Here's how it works:
BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use more pages.
Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it.
Unlike other display devices, BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, and can even be dropped on the floor or stepped on without damage. However, it can become unusable if immersed in water for a significant period of time. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an "index" feature, which pin-points the exact location of selected information for instant retrieval.
An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session-even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOK markers can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once. The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK.
You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with an optional programming tool, the Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus (PENCILS).
Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. Also, BOOK's appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking. Look for a flood of new titles soon.
------------------------------
Submitted by BH.
--------------------------------
Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade named: BOOK
BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it.
Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an Armchair by the fire-yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.
Here's how it works:
BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use more pages.
Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it.
Unlike other display devices, BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, and can even be dropped on the floor or stepped on without damage. However, it can become unusable if immersed in water for a significant period of time. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an "index" feature, which pin-points the exact location of selected information for instant retrieval.
An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session-even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOK markers can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once. The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK.
You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with an optional programming tool, the Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus (PENCILS).
Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. Also, BOOK's appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking. Look for a flood of new titles soon.
------------------------------
Submitted by BH.
Monday, July 11, 2005
A funny for the ladies
Submitted by DoubleD.
---------------------
RETIREMENT
It is important for men to remember, that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is David...... Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Carol to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age.
I usually get home from the Golf Course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.
I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door...
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
I really think my experience as a teacher helps a lot. I consider telling people what they ought to do; it's one of my strong points...
Now that she has gotten older, she does seem to get tired so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this; as long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening, I'm willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club, or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling, or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing.. This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting...
Also, if I had a really good day on the course and it was wet and muddy, my clubs are a mess, so I let her clean them, you know.....get the grit off the grips and a little light Brillo on the club faces at a casual pace. My golf bag is heavy so I lift it out of the trunk for her. Women are delicate, have weak wrists and can't lift heavy stuff as good as men. But I did tell her I don't like to be wakened during my after-golf nap, so rather than bother me, she can put them back in the trunk when she's finished.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days! That way she won't have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too, and then take her break by my hammock. That way she can talk with me until I fall asleep.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible. Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.
However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other...
Signed,
David
EDITOR'S NOTE: David died suddenly Thursday Feb.3. He was found with a Calloway extra long 50 inch Big Bertha Driver II rammed up his posterior, with only 2 inches of grip showing. His wife Carol was arrested, but the all-woman Grand Jury accepted her defense that he accidentally sat on it, and died.
---------------------
RETIREMENT
It is important for men to remember, that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is David...... Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Carol to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age.
I usually get home from the Golf Course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.
I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door...
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
I really think my experience as a teacher helps a lot. I consider telling people what they ought to do; it's one of my strong points...
Now that she has gotten older, she does seem to get tired so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this; as long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening, I'm willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club, or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling, or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing.. This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting...
Also, if I had a really good day on the course and it was wet and muddy, my clubs are a mess, so I let her clean them, you know.....get the grit off the grips and a little light Brillo on the club faces at a casual pace. My golf bag is heavy so I lift it out of the trunk for her. Women are delicate, have weak wrists and can't lift heavy stuff as good as men. But I did tell her I don't like to be wakened during my after-golf nap, so rather than bother me, she can put them back in the trunk when she's finished.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days! That way she won't have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too, and then take her break by my hammock. That way she can talk with me until I fall asleep.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible. Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.
However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other...
Signed,
David
EDITOR'S NOTE: David died suddenly Thursday Feb.3. He was found with a Calloway extra long 50 inch Big Bertha Driver II rammed up his posterior, with only 2 inches of grip showing. His wife Carol was arrested, but the all-woman Grand Jury accepted her defense that he accidentally sat on it, and died.
Risque funny - you've been warned
Submitted by little JA.
_______________________
Skunk
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."
Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there."
She asks, "But what about the smell?"
The man replied, "Just hold its little nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.
_______________________
Skunk
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."
Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there."
She asks, "But what about the smell?"
The man replied, "Just hold its little nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.
The Trinidad Guardian -Online Edition Ver 2.0
As the saying goes, be ever vigilant. Anyone stupid enough to think terrorism and madness could not or would not happen on Canadian soil, are stupid enough to get themselves and those around them killed. This stuff can happen anywhere, anytime, anyhow. Get real people. Don;t live with blinders on.
This story may not encompass terrorism per se, but does it really matter when a bomb blows up beside you what the motivation was?
Peace. Please.
The Trinidad Guardian -Online Edition Ver 2.0
This story may not encompass terrorism per se, but does it really matter when a bomb blows up beside you what the motivation was?
Peace. Please.
The Trinidad Guardian -Online Edition Ver 2.0
Monday Funny
Thanks to DoubleD for this cool list that he emailed me. My anticipated comments are attached in parentheses as I felt warranted.
There are a few things which perhaps we didn't know...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Coca-Cola was originally green. (must have been the original rust that was cleaned)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
3. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that
they start with.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (ladies?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters
only on one row of the keyboard. (what bonehead worked this out?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. (go ahead, try)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
9. It is impossible to lick your elbow. (and many other places)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you
sneeze,your heart stops for a millisecond. (uhmmmmm...)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English language. (I always thought it was "I'm sorry")
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to
suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck
and die. (this is SO true as I am still hurting)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from
history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs
in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air,the person died as a result
of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of
natural causes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
17. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and
laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women. (notice alcohol, feminine products and rea-view mirrors are not in the list)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
18. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. - Honey (very cool, may not spoil but the damn thing crystalizes just fine does it not?)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. (sucks to be a lady crocodile)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
20. A snail can sleep for three years. (as can a Senate member)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
21. All polar bears are left handed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive
from each salad served in first-class. (imagine what they would save by buying their olives at Costco)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
23. Butterflies taste with their feet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
24. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
25. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. (does this exclude man as well?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
27. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand. (that does leave the right hand free)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (who does these studies and how can I get in on the scam?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (sadistic bastards)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could
have over a million descendants. (enough to feed a...)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in
your ear by 700 times. (Ewwwwww. Nuff said.)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
35. Most lipstick contains fish scales. (many fish jokes, must control)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different (c'mon, you're torturing me)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow, so put your elbow down, Clem... :o) (OK, I admit it, it is frickin' impossible unless you were born with a birth defect)
There are a few things which perhaps we didn't know...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Coca-Cola was originally green. (must have been the original rust that was cleaned)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
3. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that
they start with.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (ladies?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters
only on one row of the keyboard. (what bonehead worked this out?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. (go ahead, try)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
9. It is impossible to lick your elbow. (and many other places)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you
sneeze,your heart stops for a millisecond. (uhmmmmm...)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English language. (I always thought it was "I'm sorry")
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to
suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck
and die. (this is SO true as I am still hurting)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from
history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs
in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air,the person died as a result
of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of
natural causes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
17. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and
laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women. (notice alcohol, feminine products and rea-view mirrors are not in the list)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
18. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. - Honey (very cool, may not spoil but the damn thing crystalizes just fine does it not?)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. (sucks to be a lady crocodile)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
20. A snail can sleep for three years. (as can a Senate member)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
21. All polar bears are left handed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive
from each salad served in first-class. (imagine what they would save by buying their olives at Costco)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
23. Butterflies taste with their feet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
24. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
25. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. (does this exclude man as well?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
27. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand. (that does leave the right hand free)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (who does these studies and how can I get in on the scam?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (sadistic bastards)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could
have over a million descendants. (enough to feed a...)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in
your ear by 700 times. (Ewwwwww. Nuff said.)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
35. Most lipstick contains fish scales. (many fish jokes, must control)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different (c'mon, you're torturing me)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow, so put your elbow down, Clem... :o) (OK, I admit it, it is frickin' impossible unless you were born with a birth defect)
CANOE -- JAM! Television: Johanson's Sunday sex show cancelled
She is an institution and has been around forever. She is frank when she speaks and enlightened me to various things in the intimacy and sexual department. No, no, it's not DW.
Sue Johanson is an amazing person who I respect simply for her ability to talk about the untalkable without making it sound dirty or taboo or sick or anything else people in common society might make you feel. For many years she has deftly education those of us brave enough to watch her show on Sunday night without our partner thinking we are ready to ask a question ourself.
I hope that her show continues in the US for some time and that we will continue to be able to get it up here somehow. Get her book or go down and see her the next time the All-Sex show rolls into town. She is refreshingly normal.
Ciao.
CANOE -- JAM! Television: Johanson's Sunday sex show cancelled
Sue Johanson is an amazing person who I respect simply for her ability to talk about the untalkable without making it sound dirty or taboo or sick or anything else people in common society might make you feel. For many years she has deftly education those of us brave enough to watch her show on Sunday night without our partner thinking we are ready to ask a question ourself.
I hope that her show continues in the US for some time and that we will continue to be able to get it up here somehow. Get her book or go down and see her the next time the All-Sex show rolls into town. She is refreshingly normal.
Ciao.
CANOE -- JAM! Television: Johanson's Sunday sex show cancelled
Married Life - part trois
OK, before she gets all huffy at the last post, let me temper it by saying that this morning, like many mornings, DW fixed me a really nice lunch bag. The sandwhich I ate. The granola bar (I LOVE granola bars) I ate. Everything else went back into the fridge.
The strange thing is, I tend to eat less when I am at home most times. I also tend to eat differently, probably because there is more available. In any case, I wanted to give equaly time to the wonderful things that DW does for me on a daily basis. She would be able to do the same if she ever put finger to blog. :-P
Peace.
The strange thing is, I tend to eat less when I am at home most times. I also tend to eat differently, probably because there is more available. In any case, I wanted to give equaly time to the wonderful things that DW does for me on a daily basis. She would be able to do the same if she ever put finger to blog. :-P
Peace.
Married Life - part deux
So, while Dave is happily enjoying new wedded bliss (coincidentally it wears off the same time the alcohol does), I would be remiss if I did not get the guys in agreement about a little talked about but well known marriage irk: the unanswerable question.
Now, before you ladies, including DW, start in on me, understand that this is what you do so just admit it and save the drama, including DW.
So, there we are watching the boob tube last night. DW pipes up and starts to ask me a question (the exact text escapes me at the moement) about the show she has been watching for the exact same length of time that I have. It was something like "Why is he....?" and "What does mean?" about what was going on. Now, to the naked eye, by reaction is over the top. To the knowledgeable folks, they know I only go there after repeated visits.
Why am I Kreskin all of a sudden? Did I write the script? Did I see some sort of pre-show that let me in on information that DW did not have? Was my computer use during the show less than hers?
It would be fine if this was the first, the second or even the tenth time she has done this. But, oh no, this has to be in the triple digits now and it bugs my skin each and every time. Wanna know what is going on? Pay attention. Amazingly, it is what I am expected to do when you ask me these maddening questions. :) I still love you hon, I'm just getting you your own TV. Yeah yeah, I know the big screen belongs to you. Sheesh!
Guys, help me out here.
Now, before you ladies, including DW, start in on me, understand that this is what you do so just admit it and save the drama, including DW.
So, there we are watching the boob tube last night. DW pipes up and starts to ask me a question (the exact text escapes me at the moement) about the show she has been watching for the exact same length of time that I have. It was something like "Why is he....?" and "What does
Why am I Kreskin all of a sudden? Did I write the script? Did I see some sort of pre-show that let me in on information that DW did not have? Was my computer use during the show less than hers?
It would be fine if this was the first, the second or even the tenth time she has done this. But, oh no, this has to be in the triple digits now and it bugs my skin each and every time. Wanna know what is going on? Pay attention. Amazingly, it is what I am expected to do when you ask me these maddening questions. :) I still love you hon, I'm just getting you your own TV. Yeah yeah, I know the big screen belongs to you. Sheesh!
Guys, help me out here.
Married Life
Today, our good friend DP (leave it alone people) got remarried to his love on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. We were able to be a part of it remotely thanks to technology; a webcam is setup in the wedding chapel. This is great and all except for a few little irks:
1 - there is no sound, no real-time video and the size is a bit small. New technology will surely fix this one day.
2 - Psycho blond photographer and the two witnesses kept putting themselves between the cam and the people we were online to see. The back of your heads are lovely, now get the ^%(*&( out of the way!
3 - People in the wedding, including the bride and groom, forgot there is a delay to get images to us (20-60 secs on average). So, we missed the ring on the finger and the kiss after the "I dos". I have some shots that I will post on my photblog later.
4 - The lighting could have been adjusted to make things a bit clearer.
Sorry, once a geek, always a geek. I was just glad to see it happen though. DSP (as I can now I call the two of them collectively) are good friends and great supporters of DW and I both personally and professionally. Though he is now emasculated once again, I congratulate my man DP for taking the steps to ensure happiness again. I congratulate SP for taking a chance again after everything else and for putting that smile back on his face (keep it clean people, I am almost done).
To the happy couple, Salut!
1 - there is no sound, no real-time video and the size is a bit small. New technology will surely fix this one day.
2 - Psycho blond photographer and the two witnesses kept putting themselves between the cam and the people we were online to see. The back of your heads are lovely, now get the ^%(*&( out of the way!
3 - People in the wedding, including the bride and groom, forgot there is a delay to get images to us (20-60 secs on average). So, we missed the ring on the finger and the kiss after the "I dos". I have some shots that I will post on my photblog later.
4 - The lighting could have been adjusted to make things a bit clearer.
Sorry, once a geek, always a geek. I was just glad to see it happen though. DSP (as I can now I call the two of them collectively) are good friends and great supporters of DW and I both personally and professionally. Though he is now emasculated once again, I congratulate my man DP for taking the steps to ensure happiness again. I congratulate SP for taking a chance again after everything else and for putting that smile back on his face (keep it clean people, I am almost done).
To the happy couple, Salut!
Weekend Update
Well, it has been a bittersweet weekend.
Friday,. DW and I were able to enjoy some Chinese food from our favourite place in the city, Chinese Gallery on Eglinton West (between Spadina and Avenue roads). We have yet to find another place that does jardoo wings like this place does. We decided to stay home and treat ourselves instead of spending the money on a theatre movie. We watched Keeping the Faith (Jenna Elfman, Edward Norton and Ben Stiller), a fairly decent romantic comedy. We ended up just watching TV after that as we were no longer alone following the movie. :(
Saturday. A gloriously sunny and clear day, we made the trek to a little church in East Scarborough to say goodbye to a friend and colleague and to show support for a grieving family. Until Laura Flanagan's body is found, I suspect there will never be any true closure for anyone. The likelihood of this, if she fell in the deepest waters, is very low however. It was good to hear things about Laura we never knew (her travels, her education, her charity work), reminded of things we did know (her spirit, her compassion, her warmth) and being given a chance for a light-hearted moment or two (her teaching genes coming out with kids in Africa or her student calling her over with "hey, instructor babe") in the midst of this senseless tragedy.
I think the most chilling moment during the service (an overly long affair on the service side of things, not on the poignant people side of things) came when what was possibly her last land moments were described. She was reading a new book and after chapter one, she got into her canoe and went for a quiet ride on the lake, like she has done many times before. It is suspected that a sudden squall surprised her and, consequently, took her life. The church, too small for the many people wishing to pay their last respects and to comfort family and friends, overflowed into the parking lot with as many in earshot of the speakers as there was out of range. It was a fitting show of support for a classy lady.
It was good to reconnect with friends and colleagues of Seneca past. We did not go to the gathering afterwards because our group was too familiar with what that entailed (DW hates funerals as it reminds her of her father's, and another friend has enough to think about around this time). So, our little group headed up to Syogun on Woodbine for an all-you-can-eat for $15.20 (tax and tip included) sushi lunch. We were able to lighten the mood a little there with some closing talk and our general nuttiness. Some people like to wallow in the sorrow and misery; I, for one, like to move on and ensure that I get the most out of life while I still have a breath. These unfortunate events continue to remind one of what we have and how easy it can be lost. The lesson of the day is not to take things for granted.
The Saturday ended off on a high note (though not a HIGH note as I abstained from imbibing) with a surprise birthday party for none other than Ms. Penny Shagwell (shag very well). Mossy was actually able to fool her into thinking the WTs had simply conjured up a birthday surprise and I witnessed for myself the little hop she performed when the gathered group in her dining room yelled surprise. Having performed the near impossible feat of surprising DW on her 40th birthday (with the help of MsMittens), I know the stress-inducing process poor Mossy had to go through to get this done. If only PS knew how we planned around her and the various schemes in play to remove her from the house, get invitations out, etc.
It was a very enjoyable evening and, especially with relatively new friends, it is always good to find out new things and juicy tidbits that may be used later in some form. Meeting her assortment of old (not age, but, yeah sortof, uhm, nevermind) friends, was a treat too as your closest friends also help to show the kind of person that you are. I am happy to report, we have a confirmation that PS and MS are good people; twisted, but good. :)
Sunday. I had a shitload of bloody tickets come through in the 3AM to 6AM time-frame. Yep, I missed them all as I slept through them and through DW's nudging that something was vibrating on the bed that was not me. I forgot to put the beep back on the pager when I left the church so I missed S-I-X pages of the priority one and two variety. Oy Vey! Downstairs I went, picked up all the tickets, worked them as necessary in between drifting off to sleep on the couch. I finally got back upstairs around 10:40 and promptly passed out again.
I felt nudging around 1:30PM I think as DW informed that she had a finite time frame before the supermarkets closed so help her with the grocery list. OK, I got that she was saying this after about the fifth time because I was still partially asleep. I got up to have some leftover lunch (mmmmmmm Chinese Gallery) and pretty much stayed on the couch until her return. I then went outside to find that my expensive Teflon 20" wipers from Crappy Tire were the wrong size for TR. Great, another item for the garage sale (details to come soon). I then tried to put the plate protector I bought at the MTO onto TR; no such bloody luck due to the plate holder design of GMs.
DW returned from grocery shopping and I moved over to her car to try and get the fancy horns I bought for it installed. Why fancy horns you ask? Because the POS has the most anemic things ever assembled in a vehicle. Every time she blows the horn it sounds more like the POS is blowing its nose. So these nice two-tone jobbies from Italy will make her presence known in the big bad city of driving idiots. Unfortunately, there seems to be an issue in that the relay needed to make it work does not, so we have to take it back (or, if past the time, buy a new one and return it with the defective module).
So, being too late to change the relay, and too late to test the speaker and amp, I packed it all up and moved inside to finish enjoying the evening with DW. She was nice enough to cook a wonderful, lighter Sunday meal and we fiddle on the laptops and watched some TV till she inevitably drifted off shortly after 10PM. The weekend ended with DW going off to bed, me finishing up a 10000-27 (which I won) on Pokerstars, doing some overdue tech magazine reading and then some digital terminal watching as I was no longer feeling sleepy and my shoulder blade (pulled muscle or something) was killing me even after a nice heated rub from DW.
Overall, a typically busy, eventful but thoroughly enjoyable weekend for the clan.
Peace.
Friday,. DW and I were able to enjoy some Chinese food from our favourite place in the city, Chinese Gallery on Eglinton West (between Spadina and Avenue roads). We have yet to find another place that does jardoo wings like this place does. We decided to stay home and treat ourselves instead of spending the money on a theatre movie. We watched Keeping the Faith (Jenna Elfman, Edward Norton and Ben Stiller), a fairly decent romantic comedy. We ended up just watching TV after that as we were no longer alone following the movie. :(
Saturday. A gloriously sunny and clear day, we made the trek to a little church in East Scarborough to say goodbye to a friend and colleague and to show support for a grieving family. Until Laura Flanagan's body is found, I suspect there will never be any true closure for anyone. The likelihood of this, if she fell in the deepest waters, is very low however. It was good to hear things about Laura we never knew (her travels, her education, her charity work), reminded of things we did know (her spirit, her compassion, her warmth) and being given a chance for a light-hearted moment or two (her teaching genes coming out with kids in Africa or her student calling her over with "hey, instructor babe") in the midst of this senseless tragedy.
I think the most chilling moment during the service (an overly long affair on the service side of things, not on the poignant people side of things) came when what was possibly her last land moments were described. She was reading a new book and after chapter one, she got into her canoe and went for a quiet ride on the lake, like she has done many times before. It is suspected that a sudden squall surprised her and, consequently, took her life. The church, too small for the many people wishing to pay their last respects and to comfort family and friends, overflowed into the parking lot with as many in earshot of the speakers as there was out of range. It was a fitting show of support for a classy lady.
It was good to reconnect with friends and colleagues of Seneca past. We did not go to the gathering afterwards because our group was too familiar with what that entailed (DW hates funerals as it reminds her of her father's, and another friend has enough to think about around this time). So, our little group headed up to Syogun on Woodbine for an all-you-can-eat for $15.20 (tax and tip included) sushi lunch. We were able to lighten the mood a little there with some closing talk and our general nuttiness. Some people like to wallow in the sorrow and misery; I, for one, like to move on and ensure that I get the most out of life while I still have a breath. These unfortunate events continue to remind one of what we have and how easy it can be lost. The lesson of the day is not to take things for granted.
The Saturday ended off on a high note (though not a HIGH note as I abstained from imbibing) with a surprise birthday party for none other than Ms. Penny Shagwell (shag very well). Mossy was actually able to fool her into thinking the WTs had simply conjured up a birthday surprise and I witnessed for myself the little hop she performed when the gathered group in her dining room yelled surprise. Having performed the near impossible feat of surprising DW on her 40th birthday (with the help of MsMittens), I know the stress-inducing process poor Mossy had to go through to get this done. If only PS knew how we planned around her and the various schemes in play to remove her from the house, get invitations out, etc.
It was a very enjoyable evening and, especially with relatively new friends, it is always good to find out new things and juicy tidbits that may be used later in some form. Meeting her assortment of old (not age, but, yeah sortof, uhm, nevermind) friends, was a treat too as your closest friends also help to show the kind of person that you are. I am happy to report, we have a confirmation that PS and MS are good people; twisted, but good. :)
Sunday. I had a shitload of bloody tickets come through in the 3AM to 6AM time-frame. Yep, I missed them all as I slept through them and through DW's nudging that something was vibrating on the bed that was not me. I forgot to put the beep back on the pager when I left the church so I missed S-I-X pages of the priority one and two variety. Oy Vey! Downstairs I went, picked up all the tickets, worked them as necessary in between drifting off to sleep on the couch. I finally got back upstairs around 10:40 and promptly passed out again.
I felt nudging around 1:30PM I think as DW informed that she had a finite time frame before the supermarkets closed so help her with the grocery list. OK, I got that she was saying this after about the fifth time because I was still partially asleep. I got up to have some leftover lunch (mmmmmmm Chinese Gallery) and pretty much stayed on the couch until her return. I then went outside to find that my expensive Teflon 20" wipers from Crappy Tire were the wrong size for TR. Great, another item for the garage sale (details to come soon). I then tried to put the plate protector I bought at the MTO onto TR; no such bloody luck due to the plate holder design of GMs.
DW returned from grocery shopping and I moved over to her car to try and get the fancy horns I bought for it installed. Why fancy horns you ask? Because the POS has the most anemic things ever assembled in a vehicle. Every time she blows the horn it sounds more like the POS is blowing its nose. So these nice two-tone jobbies from Italy will make her presence known in the big bad city of driving idiots. Unfortunately, there seems to be an issue in that the relay needed to make it work does not, so we have to take it back (or, if past the time, buy a new one and return it with the defective module).
So, being too late to change the relay, and too late to test the speaker and amp, I packed it all up and moved inside to finish enjoying the evening with DW. She was nice enough to cook a wonderful, lighter Sunday meal and we fiddle on the laptops and watched some TV till she inevitably drifted off shortly after 10PM. The weekend ended with DW going off to bed, me finishing up a 10000-27 (which I won) on Pokerstars, doing some overdue tech magazine reading and then some digital terminal watching as I was no longer feeling sleepy and my shoulder blade (pulled muscle or something) was killing me even after a nice heated rub from DW.
Overall, a typically busy, eventful but thoroughly enjoyable weekend for the clan.
Peace.
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