Monday Funny

Thanks to DoubleD for this cool list that he emailed me. My anticipated comments are attached in parentheses as I felt warranted.

There are a few things which perhaps we didn't know...

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1. Coca-Cola was originally green. (must have been the original rust that was cleaned)
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2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
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3. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that
they start with.
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4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (ladies?)
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5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
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6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters
only on one row of the keyboard. (what bonehead worked this out?)
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7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
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8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. (go ahead, try)
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9. It is impossible to lick your elbow. (and many other places)
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10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you
sneeze,your heart stops for a millisecond. (uhmmmmm...)
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11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
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12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English language. (I always thought it was "I'm sorry")
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13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to
suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck
and die. (this is SO true as I am still hurting)
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14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from
history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
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15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
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16. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs
in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air,the person died as a result
of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of
natural causes.
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17. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and
laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women. (notice alcohol, feminine products and rea-view mirrors are not in the list)
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18. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. - Honey (very cool, may not spoil but the damn thing crystalizes just fine does it not?)
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19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. (sucks to be a lady crocodile)
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20. A snail can sleep for three years. (as can a Senate member)
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21. All polar bears are left handed.
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22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive
from each salad served in first-class. (imagine what they would save by buying their olives at Costco)
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23. Butterflies taste with their feet.
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24. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
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25. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. (does this exclude man as well?)
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26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
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27. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
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28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand. (that does leave the right hand free)
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29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (who does these studies and how can I get in on the scam?)
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30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (sadistic bastards)
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31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
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32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could
have over a million descendants. (enough to feed a...)
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33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in
your ear by 700 times. (Ewwwwww. Nuff said.)
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34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
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35. Most lipstick contains fish scales. (many fish jokes, must control)
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36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different (c'mon, you're torturing me)
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37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow, so put your elbow down, Clem... :o) (OK, I admit it, it is frickin' impossible unless you were born with a birth defect)