Saturday, December 31, 2005

Goodbye 2005...

how I loathe thee something fierce! Ok, sure, there were lots of good things that happened in 2005; my first anniversary, TC going to high school, life in general. There were also a lot of forgettable moments, cherry-topped this afternoon by (first) DW performing a rather silly operation remotely on her work server which forced her to leave home and drive to the other side of the city to fix it and (second) her subsequent discovery of the driver side, passenger quarter glass being smashed in and the glove box having been rifled through.

Yes folks, we were robbed right in our own *(&^(*&^ driveway!! Dear politicians, in case you were asking the answer is "No! NO, I do not any longer feel safe in Toronto! Now, do something about it you lazy f@@ks!"

Ahem, anyhow, since DW drives the POS 99 Corolla, one of the preferred cars to be stolen, it would seem the asswipe(s) tried to make off with the car. You see, originally we thought that they broke in because of the wrapped tires on the rear seat which may have bene mistaken for packages. We dismissed that because even a stoner idiot savant could tell they are tires. Then we thought they broke in for the radio, loose change or anything else that could be hocked for quick bucks. Since the radio is a Kenwood Mask (stealth faceplate that rotates into the dash) and she only had about 27 cents (which they left), we ruled that out too.

The evidence (emptied glove box and pulled down visor) suggests they thought the owners were one of the many stupid owners out there who leave the means to disable their anti-theft devices in the vehicle for the theives to quickly disable them and make off with the goods. In our case, both keys for The Club(tm) that protected the steering wheel reside in the house on our respective key rings. We believe that is the only reason we still saw a vehicle in the driveway when we poked our heads out today; the Apple Auto Glass people ($138 in repairs later) agreed with DW's statement.

So, sigh, I had DW make an official report to the police enroute to her job to fix that silly faux pas of hers. The Apple Auto Glass people also told her that several cars were broken into this week in the southern Scarborough corridor. Nice. Guess it is time to move to BF Everett or some other sleepy town that is progressive (they no longer hang my people) and has high speed access (ANYONE but &^%(*& Bell or ROgers PLEASE!!) will do just fine.

Well, we are ending the year with PS, MS and another couple (the husband works with MS and I) so the year will end on a proper note. Next year, 2006, will open with a bang when TC returms home to find out that DW and I know a lot more than we did before she left to spend the weekend with her grandparents. Her year will not be starting out so bright; learning the hard way still. :)

Best wishes to all, a safe rest of the holidays and a bright and properous New Year to everyone. Take care and see you in a few hours. I will try to catch up on so much stuff from the last few weeks.


I'm ^%*&(^(* sick!!

Just a quick note to all. Flu shots are nice but a cold is a cold is a cold. And our dear TC gave me a doosy of one last weekend that came to full bear after a nutty Christmas morning (long story, later post). Since then, however, I have basically been house bound, sleeping badly, horking up yellow, orange and green crap, aching in my muscles, dealing with headaches and just all around feeling like total shit. I thank my wonderful DW for taking care of me and making a super duper turkey soup this week. I am almost well but still hacking away with a VERY sore throat. Keep vigilant folks and drink lots of OJ; the Florida farmers will thank you.

Ciao. - Iranian leader: Holocaust a 'myth' - Dec 14, 2005

It just never ends. - Iranian leader: Holocaust a 'myth' - Dec 14, 2005

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Jokes of the Day!

Submitted by Frog number two

Santa's Tale

When four of Santa's elves got sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother would be coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went out to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.

More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the side rails broke, and the toy bag fell into the wet snow and toys and boxes were scattered everywhere in the slush.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

Disgusted, he went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and the irritable Santa trudged to the door.
He opened the door, and there stood a beautiful little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa! Isn't it a lovely day?! I have a beautiful Christmas tree for you.
Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

Monday, December 19, 2005

Jokes of the Day!

I will warn you now that some are funny, some are not, some are tasteless, some are not. Regardless how you take the joke, don't try to shoot the messenger. I will be adding more as the day goes on. Enjoy.


A lovely woman decided to confide in her roommate, "The strangest thing happens to me. Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

"What are you currently taking for it?", the roommate asks her.

She replied, "Black pepper!"

From Club54 on Comedy Central:

Canada is a wonderful place with a wonderfully diverse group of people across its territories and provinces. Then there is Newfoundland. Newfoundland is the only province you can go to where if you pay a penny for someone's thoughts you don't ever feel like you got your money's worth.

From an email that AL sent:

5 Reasons To Always Carry Your Camera

(NOTE: will try later as &^%(*& Blogger won't upload my pix)
From an email that Suther sent:

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oy - ster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

From Barbie (who hates that name) via email:

Call Girl -

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when your calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the heck, I'll give her a call.

"Hello?" the woman says.

Wow! She sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"

She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."

Also sent in via email by Barbie:

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked.
Let me go find out", and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple is still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they are allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."

Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer!

That's all for now.

Truly a classic. - playboy magazine october 1971 cover story

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Jimmie J.J. Walker

Yeah, you read that right. JJ. FRom Good Times. Mr. "Dynomite" himself.

Jimmie J.J. Walker

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Ryan's Network Tips

For you networking folks, this is a very cool site to get your feet wet in "rolling your own".

Ryan's Network Tips

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Well, I guess Italy is off the travel list...

Uhm, I honestly don't know what to say to this. I know that racism exists everywhere you go; I've endured enough to not be naive ever again. That said, I also know that except in cultured pockets, it is shown great disdain to embrace being a racist. Well, I did know that until LB showed me this article.

Even reading it again, I am slack jawed to understand how the highest court of a civilized country could condone this crap. They honestly think a lot of "dirty negroes" are going to be rushing to visit this country and spend their hard-earned tourist dollars there? Uhm, can I get a f**k no? Amen.

If anyone has a severe case of HUB disease (Head Up Butt), it is the judge that ruled on this case. There is going to be a race war in that country and it is not going to be pretty if they don't quell this shit right now. Oh yeah, so very Catholic of them all. God, I hate my religion sometimes. So filled with f**king hypocrites everywhere.

Anyhow, thankfully, pizza is a Chinese invention so I do not need to boycott it. But damn, what do I do about the rest of the pastas? Sniff.

Oh, and one more thing, there are a lot of dark Italians around the world; a lot. In fact, some of my ancestors are from the southern, Calabrese part of Italy where a little village still resides with a variation of the family name. Maybe the LB and I will pop over and stir some shit up!! Oh yeah, your great-great-grandpappy dropped some milk into the coffee pot and here we are ya bastards!!!

: "is "

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

So the Liberals want people's votes? Fix the *&^%*&^ Youth Offender's Act!!!

One adult male and three boys face a total of 18 charges in robbery investigation, 31 Division

Wednesday, December 7, 2005 - 1:32 PM
31 Division

In October of 2005, numerous robberies were reported in the area of York University at 4700 Keele Street. The robberies primarily targeting individuals in possession of cell phones and IPOD devices. They were becoming more frequent and the most recent robbery involved a victim being shot with an air pistol.

It is alleged that:

-on Tuesday, December 6, 2005 a robbery victim was in the area of York University and saw two males who had been involved in the previous robberies.

The victim contacted police and notified York University Security. With the assistance of York University Security and officers from 31 Division's Major Crime Unit at the males were arrested.

A total of four search warrants were conducted on residences in the Keele Street and Steeles Avenue area.

It is alleged that during the search warrants:

- stolen property was recovered,

- an air-pistol was recovered.

Arrested and charged are:

Farzan Ahmed Waziri, 18, of Toronto
Charged with:

1) four counts of Robbery
2) three counts of Possession of property obtained by crime (under)
3) three counts Theft (under)

Farzan Ahmed Waziri was scheduled to appear in court on Wednesday, December 7, 1000 Finch Avenue West, room 306 at 10 a.m.

A 15-year-old boy has been charged with:

1) four counts of Robbery
2)five counts of Possession of property obtained by crime under $5000
3) four counts of Theft under

A 12-year-old boy has been charged with:

1) three counts of Robbery
2) Robbery while armed with a firearm
3) Assault with a weapon
4) Weapons dangerous
5) Carry concealed weapon
6) Discharge air-gun/pistol with intent to wound

A second 15-year-old boy has been charged with:

1) Assault with a weapon
2) Weapons dangerous
3) Discharge air-gun/pistol with intent to wound
4) Robbery
5) Robbery while armed with a firearm
6)Possession of property obtained by crime under.

All three young offenders will be appearing in court on Wednesday, December 7, 2005 at 2 p.m., at 2201 Finch Avenue West.

The Toronto Police Service would like to thank the public for their assistance in providing information in this matter. Anyone who has been a victim of/or experienced a similar incident in the area of York University should contact 31 Division at 416-808-3100 or Crime Stoppers anonymously at 416-222-TIPS (8477), or online at