Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Funnies: A letter to a friend

Submitted by BB

Dear alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.
However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Funnies: Jokes from the old country.

Submitted by DW

Jewish Humour


Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though they practice and practice for hours everyday, they never manage to come in any better than dead last. Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship team. So Morris schleps off to Cambridge and hides in the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully watches the Harvard team at its daily practices.

After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured out their secret," he announces.

"What? Tell us! Tell us!", his team-mates shout.

"We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight should row."



It was mealtime during a flight on El-Al. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moishe, seated in front.

"What are my choices?" Moishe asked

"Yes or no," she replied.



A Rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck".

At the next Friday night service, the rabbi announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name.... and forgot to write a letter."



A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics. He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?"

"No," replied the guide. "It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer."

"Never heard of him. What did he write?"

"A cheque," replied the guide.



A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. Excited to prove to his wife his long-held contention that women in general, and his wife in particular, talked too much, he showed her the study results, which stated:

"Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000."

His wife thought awhile, then finally she said to her husband, "That's because we have to repeat everything we say."

The husband said, "What?"



The Italian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine."

The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have cognac."

The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka."

The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer."

The Mexican says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have tequila."

The Jew says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes."

Friday, February 23, 2007

IT Tidbits: Lost in Translation

Not every successful ad can be properly captured in another country, culture or language. MacRumours reports that the UK Mac versus PC ads are not doing as well as the ones in North America and may actually be hurting the business as it promotes the superiority stereotype of Mac users. I watched them all and they really are not as polished and the actors not as likeable. As for the so-called stereotype, well, I agree it is incorrect. The correct thing is to refer to it as the superiority "fact". :)


Apple (UK and Ireland) - Get a Mac - Watch The New Ads

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Thursday, February 22, 2007

IT Tidbits: It's like watching the Superbowl(tm) all the time.

No, I am not talking about a football game, I am talking about the commercials. Well, in this case, the wonderfully refreshing and funny Mac versus PC commercials. As much as Gates and Co. would love to merely dismiss these things, people remember them. They especially remember them when their machine has crashed for the umpteenth time and I told them to set it on fire as being a faster more humane death to the machine. Anyhow, the latest one riffing on the security feature in the new Vista operating system had me laughing out loud. Take a looksee at it and all the commercials made in this series.


Apple - Get a Mac

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IT Tidbits: Steve Jobs talks, and I am listening.

This is not an "on high" proclamation by any means. It is a thoughtful, and convincing, essay on why the whole DRM (digital rights management) issue really resides with those that insist DRM exists in the first place and that sue every thirteen year old that crosses it. Why don't more people, businesses and governments go after the music industry that forces DRM to be implemented instead of the people forced to implement it? Yeah, I want to know the answer too. Ask someone.


Apple - Thoughts on Music

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It will be a very interesting race.

No, I am not referring to the current edition of the Amazing Race (best reality show on television, period). I am speaking about the race to become the next United States President. Now do not roll your eyes or dismiss this post lightly. Anyone who think this does not affect the way the whole world runs would be very naive and misinformed. With the disintegration of the mighty Soviet machine years ago, only America remains as the one true superpower left. They have the money and they have the might. The rest of the world must rely on the President to decide how that money and might is wielded for or against everyone else.

I'd be lying if I said that this particular election race does not hold extra interest for me because we truly have for the first time a viable black candidate for the presidency. And, not to knock the movie because I loved it, it will not be as easy or as comical as the Chris Rock movie. In fact , I expect it to have very sad, telling, and shocking chapters to the saga that will expose the true hidden racial hatred that has had to go underground (for the most part) since the civil uprisings of the sixties. It simply is not safe to be openly hateful of someone anymore (hear that Hardaway?). However, this is a black man that dares to run for the most powerful job in the world. There are going to be a LOT of people and businesses and organizations and countries that will do everything in their power to see that this never happens on their watch. Chris Rock says it best in one of his comedy routines: The safest job in the world for a black man would be Vice-President of the United States because no one wants a black president so the president would never be assassinated.

So, does that mean that the second-most feared result, a woman president, becomes possible? I guarantee you that the parties are doing their best to try to find a man that can win over Hillary Clinton; this process is happening in both camps. Hillary Clinton, unfortunately, will never truly distance herself from her husband Bill. Besides the Lewinsky thing (c'mon, are you seriously all still mad that the man got a free hummer?!?!?), Bill was and is a very polarizing figure; people (like myself) either really like him or they really hate him. Unless she finds a way to distance herself from his tenure as President and people's perceptions that he will be running things in the background, she will never truly have a chance to win. Oh yeah, there's that whole thing about her being a woman and that there is no way she can handle the job. I think that is a crock of shit personally because Hillary Clinton has shown that she is as tough and as savvy as any of her colleagues. In fact, simply putting your hat in the ring for nomination makes you a magnet for every dirt hound and character killer out there. Many of her colleagues will say they have no interest in being president. They are lying as they do not want to go through the headache of becoming president. Well, she does, and is willing to and I say more power to her.

I have to delve deeper into each candidate's message to truly have an opinion on who I would want to see as president but right now I am an Obama backer. Would I like to see a black President (or Prime Minister for that matter)? Absolutely! What I would prefer to see is a strong leader that will clean up ties with Canada and stop the crap that has been happening between our two countries. I would prefer to see someone that is in power to help ALL the people under the umbrella of the U.S.A. not just his or hers business buddies and backers. I would prefer to see someone who actually dictated world policy that helped the oppressed and did not push western values onto someone else but instead educated and shared in the differences that made us all unique while promoting the shared qualities that make us all the same. I want someone in power that will spend as much time and money (93 billion dollars more for military George?!?!) fixing the problems at home. Why are there so many poor? Why are there so many without proper medical aid? Why are there so many homeless? Why is New Orleans still a mess while Florida is flourishing? Why are so many schools without proper books, equipment and other resources? I think 93 billion dollars would have gone a long way to fixing those problems as long as the money went to fixing them and not paying some fat cat at the top bonuses and private jet expenses. I bet there are a lot of lesser known, just as competent, CEOs that can run these operations for a lot less money that these twits that keep showing up at the money trough.

I believe Obama is the leader that will make the changes necessary for a stronger US to move forward into the future. I'll post another article once I have some facts to present to you. I can always change my mind, and I will, if it turns out that Hillary is the better candidate.


Clinton, Obama camps it up verbally -

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

What would she have gotten for flipping the bird?

As much as the title appears "flippant", I have to agree with the sentence. My LB may disagree, as he sent me this, but I will explain. The initial shock in this story is that this wife of a soldier, mother of three and normally composed person lost it this one day and did something stupid so why is she being treated like a career criminal and given a penalty that a sexual predator may receive?

All one has to do to answer that question is to think back to the case where two idiot, angry women ended up at the end of an off-ramp after cutting each other off. When one woman got out of her car to continue with the argument, the other woman, still in her vehicle, chose not to leave but rather to pick up a gun and shoot the first woman: dead. So, I fully understand and agree with the sentence because this case has a woman, in anger, picking something up at hand and throwing it into a moving vehicle hitting the driver. What if something heavier was at hand? Something sharper? A gun? Something caustic? Something hot? She could have done damage not only to the driver but also to whomever the driver hit when he/she lost control of the vehicle and hit another vehicle, or a pedestrian, or a baby stroller.

Ignorance and idiocy are not sufficient defenses of one's actions. This sentence may deter someone else in that city to think twice before doing something equally stupid or worse. If only other judges had the same awareness and fortitude to do the same in other cases to really send a message that crime does not pay and that we truly have laws to protect the innocent.


ABC News: Woman Sentenced to Two Years for 'McMissile'

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Uhm, right.

This guy claims to be God; not talk to Him, not walk like Him, but to be actually HIM (or HER, pls, another day maybe). Anyhow, there is not much needed to be said on this but two words: Waco. Guyana. Nuff said. Not to blaspheme, but, when Jesus was killed on a cross, he rose from the dead. We are a fast paced consumer society so we do not have time for the drama and the waiting. Off him now and should he rise, decide then. If he does not, phfffft, sucks to be him and we are rid of another freaking wacko trying to sponge of off hard-working but totally weak-minded people trying to get through this thing called "life". Ok, sorry about the Prince reference but you know what I mean.


Pastor with 666 tattoo claims to be divine -

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Tyra? Yes. Halle? Oh my, YES! Beyonce? Uhm, what?!?!

OK, anyone that tries to tell me those pictures will not be heavily airbrushed have never watch the videos and live performances of Beyonce. Look, great voice, nice to look at but SI material? The aforementioned two, Heidi Klum, Giselle, sure; I just am not sold on this one. I will faithfully pick up my copy to ensure the integrity of the issue is kept and will report back on my findings. Stay tuned.

Bikini-clad Beyoncé is SI's new Dreamgirl -

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IT tidbits

Not sure why Apple insists on giving the competition time to come up with a response to their announcements instead of just blowing them out of the water by announcing and releasing to retail in one fell swoop. Anyhow, it seems, as everyone predicted, that everyone has jumped on the "touch-screen" bandwagon and are coming out with new models to rival the upcoming iPhone. Of those mentioned in this article, I would consider the Samsung and the Meizu the frontrunners if they can deliver on their promises.

The race to THE phone to have will soon be a very heated and interesting one; June is not far away and rumour has it that the iPhone will be released sooner than planned.

Mac Rumors: iPhone-alikes: miniOne, F700, LG Prada

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IT Tidbits: A new style of "Adult Games".

Originally I thought I would try to pick one up for Christmas but, as you know, the funds simply ran out. I have been thinking about it since but, besides funds, held off because of the flying controller issue (strap was recalled) and was waiting to see if other issues cropped up. Well, nothing seems to be cropping up and the Nintendo Wii is gaining popularity everyday. The not-so-secret to its success is the fact that of the three currently available new-gen systems (Microsoft's Xbox 360, Sony's Playstation 3 and Nintendo's Wii), this system makes the player move the most. In a continent full of jelly-bellies like myself, this can only be a good thing.

In fact, one guy (no doubt to hawk his upcoming book and to start a new fad) was on TV claiming of a new exercise regime. He allegedly lost 18 pounds since he bought his Wii simply by playing the games included with it; he says he did not change his diet in any way which includes fast food, pizza and the usual dieting no-nos. Many reports back up the claim that the player can work up quite a sweat with some of the games played (uhm, bring your own sweaty controller please and thank you). Note, this has been attempted before; melding exercise to a "fun" activity on a connected TV screen. The only thing that has been remotely successful has been the Dance Dance Revolution craze that still goes on today. All manner of bikes, rowers, elliptical runners and other assorted devices connected to computers and displays and "games" have failed miserably on the market due to a lack of "fun" and/or extremely high prices. If this guy's claims are true, and his book is cheap and simple to follow, he is going to make millions.

For under $300, and a major fun factor included, the Wii could become hotter than one's thighs after playing around with Suzanne Sommers' Thighmaster(tm). Imagine getting little Johnny and Janey a Wii and negotiating a two to one ratio of game playing; two physical exertion games to one player's choice. The couch potatoes will be still in front of the TV but now off the couch. The machine can still babysit the kids while you cook or work on the car, but now it will do some good for a change.

Naturally, I am not saying we should make the kid into more of a house dweller; I believe in outside activity for everyone. I am just saying that if they are going to play something, and they are stuck inside (i.e. rain, snow, bitter cold, tornado, etc.), why not have them play something that will help their health, possible educate, and cost less than a car lease payment (hear me Sony)? I'll post about the true ability of the Wii in the exercise department as soon as I acquire one for my household.


Wii is guest of honor at new genre of parties | Tech News on ZDNet

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Another funny for today (in case things do not go well)

Submitted by Skibum


FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay,? Means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you are welcome.

Oh, and before we forget ?

"Whatever"'s a woman's way of saying F!#@ YOU!

Sports break

Raptors Win! Yep, the dinos are on a tear and looking more like the pre-season power than the start of the season punks we had been watching. Going into the game against New Jersey with Vince "wince, traitor" Carter (and minus Jason Kidd), they have won eight of their last ten games. These games were against decent opponents too, not the flotsam of the NBA. Last night, almost blowing a ten point lead two minutes to the end of the game, they summoned the testicular fortitude to hold off a team that has constantly spelt trouble in the dying minutes. Chicago had beaten the Raptors fifteen straight games before last night's lost. To put this in perspective, not even the Bulls of Michael Jordan's time managed that kind of one-sided record. But, this is a different Raptor's team and they do not match up well against just one or two teams, they now have the weapons and depth to go toe to toe with any team in the NBA on any given night.

The Achilles heel, though, remains strong defence and closing games out. Oh, we will get our points alright, but so will the other team and that needs to change. Signs of that change is starting to show as even TJ Ford is getting a block or two in. They shut down Kobe's explosiveness the other night so let's see what they can do with VC tonight. Personally, I hope NJ suffers back to back ass-kickings. We are ahead of them in the standings for a reason. I want that made clear to everyone tonight.

Good luck Raptors!

Today's Funny - Happy Valentine's everyone

Submitted by BT from MTL

Newfie Valentine Poem


Fer Me Wife
I writes ta say I loves ya b'ye!
Cause I don't say it very much
Everytime I tries ta cuddle ya
I tried ta be more gentle
Took me rubbers off outside
When I tells ya where I was last nite
Ya always tinks I lied
Ya knows I loves me Fishin
Ya knows I loves me boat!
But you're da life preserver
I needs to stay afloat!
So I got ya sometin really nice
How much, please don't ass
But you'll find it a lot easier now
When ya goes ta cut da grass!
Just pull da cord,stand behind
Steer her as you go
Next Valentines I'll get ya sometin
Dat helps ya shovel snow!
So keep up da cookin and cleanin
You're de only one I got
To keep me duds all washed and clean
And me coffee always hot!
You knows dat I appreciates
Your home made buns & Bread
And I hope dat it continues on
Till one of us is dead!

And there you have it.

There is nothing else I could possibly say to this. Oh, except, when do we go on vacation?

Dutch judge rules that peep shows are theatre, gives owners tax break

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Monday, February 12, 2007

The Grammys recap (also know as "Why Britney Spears does not belong here.")

For the last few years I have not bother watching the music lovefest that is also known as the Grammys. Frankly, it stopped being of interest or priority viewing. This year, I considered the 49th edition of the awards show a must see. For the first time in 23 years, the trio formerly know as "The Police" played together and opened the show with an amazing Roxanne set. Uhm, but that is all they played?!?! I felt robbed because quite frankly they could have handed out all the hardware in the back while The Police played the rest of the night. DW informed me that short of her being in labour, we ARE attending the inevitable reunion tour concert. We saw Sting not too long ago (with Ms. Annie Lennox opening for him) and it was an absolutely amazing concert. A concert with The Police would be mind-blowing, I'm sure.

OK, so o to the rest of the show. There were many deaths in the music industry this year so there were a lot of references and tributes but the one that brought down the house was the one for the Godfather of Soul, James Brown. It was a single song, it was a single set and it was a solo performer; it was a perfect tribute. The singer did an amazing rendition of JB's "It's a Man's World". The singer brought the house down and floored Jamie Foxx (evident by his expression) with the power and substance and tone in HER voice. Yes, it was a female singer and while the easy, default, stereotypical view might be that it was an older, robust, black woman singing (i.e. a Patti Labelle, Aretha Franklin, Natalie Cole, etc.), this was not the case. The singer was super sexy, younger, petite, and white.

Christina Aguilera again showed the world why, despite her missteps early in her career, that she is the real deal and both Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears (and Hillary Duff, and Lindsay Lohan, and...) are simply pretenders, wannabes and a marketer's wet dream. The lady can sing and she can belt out the notes high, low, long short, soft and hard. She. Can. Sing. There is no way any of her so-called peers would ever have been considered to do that song, make that performance shine, because they are all simply incapable of doing what she does. I hope that she gets some writers and some future collaborations to really take her to Madonna-like heights because she deserves it. Not since Annie Lennox has any non-black singer made me turn to see who was that was. She is simply amazing.

Other performances of note would include Chris Brown, Justin Timberlake, The Red hot Chilipeppers, Mary J. Blige, Ludacris (sporting the new lack of do), Beyonce (yawn), and the Dixie Chicks. Ms. Mary and TDC cleaned up on awards and both were well deserved. Ms. Mary's acceptance speech may go down in history as the longest ever at the Grammys. TDC was careful not to stir up too much controversy but they were obviously vindicated after the ridiculous backlash hurled their way for daring to speak out against President Bush's policies. I would love to see all those people lining up to bend over and kiss their asses now while mumbling sorry with a mouth full of ass. TDC is amazing that they not only endured it all, they grew stronger and better as a group. They are one of the few country acts (I not-so-lovingly refer to them all as "twang-twang music) that i will listen to; Reba, Garth and a few others make up a very short list.

Anyhow, if you happen to catch a few of the performances on YouTube or other video sites, it will be worth the watch. Next year, the 50th anniversary will be bigger, badder and no doubt, longer.


CityNews: Comebacks And Tributes Mark 49th Grammy Awards

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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Lots of people have died for far less.

I hope this guy is ready for a career change because he won't be holding his current position for long. How does one even try to explain this gaff? Personally, I think it was done to deliberately embarrass the Chinese diplomats. Not a wise move.

Submitted by LB.

Band leader reassigned after playing Taiwan's anthem at China-financed venue

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Sunday, February 04, 2007

IT tidbits: Don't believe the hype... or the rant.

I put this here as a placeholder for now so that I do not forget to deal with it. As a quick overview, anyone that knows me knows I detest ignorance. I read this article to see what rhetoric Billy would be spouting this time. As usual, it was te normal back and forth between competing companies (though I will touch more on that shortly). What really got me was the crap being spewed in the comments below the article. I am used to reading the usual suspects rants back and forth from unintelligent and uniformed parties. This time however, I found myself getting angry at the simple baseless lies and false information and opinion being given out. Yes, please do not point out to be that an opinion cannot be "false" by its very nature. I consider it as such when the foundation on which it is being made is false. I am writing this post on a Dell laptop with Microsoft Windows XP Professional installed on it. To my right sits an Apple Mac Mini (PPC-generation) that I used for work items (it has been replaced with a new Intel-based unit, and I am sooo jealous of BB for getting it). Unlike a lot of the posters, I have the ability to compare the two units and their core OS directly. I will do so this week and append it to this paragraph. Right now, I must go help my wife prepare the house for our annual Superbowl gathering.

DailyTech - Bill Gates Speaks on Windows, Criticizes Mac Ads

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

If she doesn't think that, she just doesn't understand men.

And that may explain why her last relationships have fallen apart. Read a book Jen. And talk to some other men. If any of them deny wanting to see it happen, yell "Liar!" in their face and walk off.


CANOE -- JAM! - Aniston did get nose job, sort of

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