Monday, December 14, 2009
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, 'Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'
The rabbi responded, 'Yes, that is still one of our laws.'
The priest then asked, 'Have you ever eaten pork?'
To which the rabbi replied, 'Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.'
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, 'Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.'
The rabbi then asked him, 'Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith.'
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five Minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said, 'Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?
May happiness smile on your world and in your heart...
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re Sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this Really great new drink.
The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.
After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The
Bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar:
1. A salt shaker,
2. A shot of Baileys,
3. A shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue.
Next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth.
And finally you drink the lime juice.'
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.
He puts the salt on his tongue........salty but OK.
He drinks the shot of Baileys and holds it in his mouth..........smooth, Rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks........this is OK.
Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
1. In one second the sharp lime taste hits
2. At two seconds the Baileys curdles
3. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like Consistency hits
4. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot
This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, Jesus what do you call that drink?'
She smiles widely at him and says, 'Blow Job Revenge.'
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Husband Banned from Target
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Petabytes on a budget: How to build cheap cloud storage | Backblaze Blog
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
I may not be Jewish but being married to a person that is means to at least have some understanding and participation in the things and times that are important to her. Truth be told, there are times I am the better Jew, lol. Anyhow, it is important to my DW so that makes it important to me. Important days are coming up in the Jewish Calendar including the New Year and Day of Atonement. This site provides plain language explanations for all of it.
Jewish New Year: High Holidays 2009, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot and Simchat Torah
Monday, August 31, 2009
Get a grip people.
Guy Busted for Stealing WiFi at NYC Library — to Play Halo - Halo - Kotaku
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
As a consumer, I chose the systems that gave me the best bang for the buck and and the best overall experience (you know what I mean, right?). I would have bought an original 20Gb or 60GB model to get the backward-compatible Emotion engine so I could ditch our PS2 but I was not paying the ridiculous amount of money to get one when the system was released (and they are very hard to find used at a reasonable price, natch). Sony lowered the price on their system but removed the Emotion engine; too little too late.
So will the PS3 Slim finally be the unit that puts Sony in the same playing field as the Wii and the 360? I doubt it. they are still being stupid about things by no lowering the price of the 80GB and 160GB units currently on sale as they clear them out of inventory. That's both stubborn and stupid. Their reasoning? People will buy the old ones out of nostalgia or because they prefer the shape. Are you freaking kidding me?
I want a PS3 because I am a bonified geek but I do not NEED a PS3 so I, along with millions of others, can wait until Sony has a fire sale unless they get real with their pricing. Very soon.
Sony officially announces $299 PS3 Slim | Crave - CNET
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Well, now they are trying to brush off a lawsuit AGAINST them for the exact same practice. They can appeal all they want but someone over there better start selling some stocks to pay for the bill of $294 million and counting.
BBC NEWS | Technology | Judge bans Microsoft Word sales
Friday, August 07, 2009
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Mick appeared on the Newfoundland version of 'Who wants To Be A
Millionaire’ and towards the end of the program had already won $500,000.
'You've done very well so far,' said the show's presenter, but, for
1 Million dollars, you've only one lifeline left, phone-a-friend. Everything is
riding on this question. Will you go for it?'
'Sure,' said Mick. 'I'll have a go!'
'OK. The question is, which of the following birds does NOT build it's own nest ?
a)Robin ( b)Sparrow (c)Cuckoo (d)Thrush.
'I hasn't got a clue,' said Mick. 'So I'll use me last lifeline and phone, my friend Paddy
back home in Come-Bye-Chance.' Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances,
and repeated the question to him.
'Fawkin Eh, Mick!' cried Paddy. 'Dat's just simple logic....it's a Cuckoo.'
'Are you sure, Paddy?' asked Mick.
'I'm fawkin sure' replied Paddy.
Mick hung up the phone and told the TV presenter, 'I'll go with cuckoo, as me answer.'
'Is that your final answer?' asked the host.
'Dat it is Sir.'
There was a long, long pause, then the presenter screamed, 'Cuckoo is the correct answer!
Mick, you've won $1,000,000.00!'
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink. 'Tell me, Paddy?
How in God's name did you know it was the cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?
I mean, you knows fawk-all about birds.'
'Fer fawks sake!' laughed Paddy. 'Lord tunderin Jaezuz, everybody knows a fawking cuckoo lives in a clock!'
Friday, July 17, 2009
An RCMP officer stops at a ranch up in Iron Mountain, B.C. and talks with the old ranch owner. He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.'
The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'
The RCMP officer verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge, the officer proudly displays it to the farmer.
'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish....on any land. No questions asked. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the RCMP officer running for his life and close behind is the rancher's bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs....'Your badge! Show him your fucking badge!"
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Hollywood Squares: These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course...
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde (About fifteen minutes later): Loneliness!
And the audience laughed for another 10 to 15 minutes.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
True or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant?
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em.
Can you get an elephant drunk?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but she still won't go up to your apartment.
Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other cattle aren't?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies ... but I don't recommend the cookies!
While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What's that mean?
George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Wife Came Home Early
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset.
'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried.
'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children?
I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!'
And the husband replied 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'
'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed, 'but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same.'
The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please .. do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Monday, June 08, 2009
Ever wonder how a fight gets started? ......read these.....
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"
I replied "Dust".
And that's how the fight started.....
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And that's how the fight started.....
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And that's how the fight started.....
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
" No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says my wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And that's when the fight started.....
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Saturday, May 02, 2009
A 1st grade teacher in a Detroit , Michigan elementary school asked her students if they could tell the class what sound a pig makes.
Little Winston stood up, and said, "Up against the wall, motherfucker!"
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Thanks to Lady Geek for pointing out this story. I will post the You tube link to Ms. Boyle's performance as well. I will also post the link to Paul Potts, a similarly unlikely star that the NY Times described as "a tubby, dentally challenged, cripplingly shy Welsh cellphone salesman" in this article.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.' The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms . Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The Dead Husband!
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing...
"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm so very sorry," replied her friend, "What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Friday, March 06, 2009
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Monday, March 02, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Monday, February 09, 2009
A Jewish woman says to her mother, 'I'm divorcing Norm! All he wants is anal sex, and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be about the size of a nickel.'
Her mother says, 'You're married to a multi- millionaire businessman, you live in an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $2,000 a week allowance, you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away over 45 cents?'
Friday, February 06, 2009
Robert Whiting, an elderly Canadian gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
'You have been to France before, monsieur?', the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
'Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.', the customs officer continued.
The Canadian said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.'
The officer responded, indignantly, 'Impossible. Canadians always have to show passports on arrival in France!'
The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, 'Well, when I came ashore on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
THE TRAMWAYS OF TRINIDAD & TOBAGO
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Wear red on fridays, support the troops, support canadian troops, yellow ribbon, red shirts
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
A woman in the article is quoted as saying that she will find somewhere else to send her $25 monthly donation as she feels lost. Lady you are lost if you think giving a group money to upkeep a large glass building and many overpaid jobs rather than to starving children all over the world and even in your own backyard. Twenty-five dollars a month could be the start of change for someone down on their luck. But no, continue sending it to those who don't need it and obviously are too shallow to care. That's what God wants you to do in this life.
Give me a break.
Family spat divides televangelism empire - Faith- msnbc.com
Yet, TWICE now during a Superbowl broadcast (the other was to New Jersey viewers I believe), a WHITE penis has showed up on the screen for more than a couple of seconds and you don't see the FCC fining Comcast or Comcast being banned from showing the Superbowl, on Congress calling Comcast to a hearing or any of the other foolishness that Janet and Justin were subjected to.
Where's the misplaced moral outage against this? We are talking full on PORN and there is no backlash? TWICE. Yep, no racial bias there folks.
Comcast 'mortified' about porn interruption - Super Bowl XLIII- nbcsports.msnbc.com
Monday, February 02, 2009
A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick."
I picked the Steelers this year (though I am a long suffering Buffalo Bills fan) and thankfully, literally, they pulled it out in the end. I'm lucky to know that though because believe it or not, I fell asleep after Arizona scored their late 4th quarter touchdown to take the lead. Our guests were leaving so they woke me up and I see ribbons falling on the Steelers jerseys.
But wait, there's more. Thankfully, (ugh! I loathe to say this) we have a Rogers PVR that we were watching on so I was able to rewind back to the Fitzgerald TD and play from there so I did see the whole thing unfold. I would not say it was the greatest game ever but it definitely deserves a top ten placement. Minus some of the stupidest penalty taking EVER, this game had some major highlights: Fitzgerald's go-ahead TD, Arizona coming back from 13 points down, Steelers blowing a 13 point lead in the fourth quarter, a 100-yard, longest ever, interception return for a touchdown, not one but two successful replay challenges, a first appearance by The Boss, the return of Jennifer Hudson to sing the anthem and just a whole lot of heart, grit and sweat spent on the field.
I'd like to thank our guests, Redsomtimes and date, AL and the lovely K, MR and NR, and Wynterluv and the great Peruvian, and the Skibum for coming out and joining us. We're sorry the DoubleD and his DW could not make it out, PS and MS are too CFL loyal (oh yeah, I said it beetaches), Bajan Boy's eye was bothering him (and stones were with his DW) but especially Famine and Devoid as she is recovering from a car accident this past week. Get Well Soon! Oh yeah, almost forgot my cousin, Weeb; still waiting to hear YOUR story for yesterday. :-P
Alrighty, that is it for this subject, on to more items in a few.
Monty: How so?
Herb: At five, he wrote an opera; at six, he wrote a symphony; and at seven, he wrote a duet for piano and violin.
Monty: Wow! What happened at eight?
Herb: At eight, breakfast was on the table and it was time to get ready for school.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Today's funny for all my geek homies.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
5Top: Hollywood’s hottest celebrity jerks - 5Top- msnbc.com
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in Port George, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.
'We're sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife,' said one Mountie.
'Tell me! Did you find her?' the husband shouted.
The Mounties looked at each other. One said, 'We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?'
Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said, 'Give me the bad news first.'
The Mountie said, 'I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay.'
'Oh my God!' exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, 'What's the good news?'
The Mountie continued, 'When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 6 good-size lobsters clinging to her.'
Stunned, the husband demanded, 'If that's the good news, what's the great news?'
The Mountie said, 'We're going to pull her up again tomorrow.'
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I suggest you grab a large, inexpensive USB key and drop them all onto it so that you can spread the love to all those family and friends machines that you look after. Who knows, some of it may just help cut down on the support calls that come your way.
Windows Starter Kit
Security Starter Kit
BEWARE, as with the music player, you can damage your unit if you do not follow the instructions or upload corrupted firmware. If the router in question is your bread and butter connection, I would take every precaution before looking to perform this change. On the other hand, I naturally encourage you to try it with the caveat of knowing you may need to buy a new router in the worst case scenario. Really though, the danger is no worst than upgrading the firmware supplied by the vendor.
DD-WRT :: News
Rockbox does exactly that for music and video players. It adds format compatibility, equalizer settings and other goodies that the manufacturer simply chose not to add into the original release. As with anything, BEWARE to do this on a device you use regularly as sometimes things go wrong and you can end up bricking the unit. That is why it is best to try it on an older machine that you may not need or use. If something goes wrong, ah well; at least you tried. If it works out, then you have breathed some new life into a dusty unit that was sitting on a shelf.
Rockbox - Open Source Jukebox Firmware
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Seagate Knowledge Base
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Yes, I bring these items to light because of Obama. Hopefully, like the holocaust, Hiroshima, Rwanda and many other attrocities, we will never see them happen ever again. We can only make sure of that by never forgetting that they were possible in the first place.
Tuskegee Study of Untreated Syphilis in the Negro Male - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Lost Wallet Test ,,, 100 wallets deliberately lost to test honesty
Monday, January 19, 2009
Washington, D.C. - Millions in the
U.S. are counting down with excitement to the swearing-in of Barack
Obama as the 44th President of the United States on Tuesday.
Up to three-million people are expected to make their way to
Washington, D.C. for the historic inauguration, as security reaches
unprecedented level of readiness.
Those who live in the Washington-area said they have never seen
anything like the security that is in place -- 10,000 members of the
National Guard will be spread out across the city, with over 7,000
military personal, 4,000 city police officers and 4,000 others from 96
different law enforcement agencies, as well as the Secret Service and
A security spokesperson told CNN that security is so tight because
the U.S. is engaged in two wars and on-guard against terrorism, and
because of the number of people expected on Capitol Hill.
Those who make it to the National Mall will have to pass through
airport-like screening, with just as many restrictions on what they can
Washington will be locked down by late Monday night. All bridges
into Washington will be closed by Tuesday morning and roads will be
closed for miles around Capitol Hill. So, the crowd will not be able to
line-up until 6 a.m. Tuesday.
Cell phone and Internet companies have installed portable towers in
anticipation of colossal calling coverage and cell phone picture
The actual ceremony will begin at 11:30 a.m. with the Marine Corp Band, the invocation and a performance by Aretha Franklin.
Vice President-elect Joe Biden will take his oath at 11:46 a.m., followed by Obama's oath at noon.
His address is expected to make the kind of history made by John F.
Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt. In fact, Obama will
use the same velvet-covered Bible used by Lincoln in 1861. Obama is
expected to wear a tuxedo and a top hat during the swearing-in.
The parade will follow next, which will leave the Capitol along
Pennsylvania Avenue at 2:30 p.m. Obama and his wife will attend up to
15 inaugural balls before returning to their new home, the White House.
Click here for the Inauguration Day schedule and a list of other events.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Bored.com - Tap the rhythm of the song's melody to find music
Friday, January 16, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Thursday, January 08, 2009
The Israelis are NOT wrong for responding to the constant attacks on them by Hamas and others. They ARE wrong for the strength, direction and apparent lack of focus and control that they are exhibiting in that response. Just as Hamas is wrong for firing rockets wildly into Israel without regard for life there and the Palestinians are wrong for continuing to support Hamas as they get nothing but grief in return for these actions. Many people, including good friends of mine, are quick and vocal to chastise Israel for killing innocent civilians and children. I do not disagree with this voice but I do not sit back and listen; I question.
My first question is, "Where were your voices when Hamas STARTED this issue by firing more rockets into Israel?"
My next question is, "Where were your voices when Hamas and Iran and others were calling for the destruction of Israel and the death for all Jews?"
My final question is, "Where were your voices when bombers were killing children on buses, tourists in cafes and innocent people in a wedding reception?"
If you are going to be vocal about atrocities, you should be vocal about ALL atrocities. If you are going to pick and choose which really bad things bother you then, seriously, just STFU!
Israel stopped their offensive and arranged for aide to help those affected in Gaza and for that they received more rockets out of Lebanon (who promptly denounced the action of those stupid enough to draw Lebanon into this latest fray). There is a lot of history and facts that I honestly am ignorant of but neither side should think to claim innocence in these matters because there is enough shit for everyone's fans. The thing that boggles my mind is the apparent mind lapse by these people that Israel is a nuclear nation. When Saddam was firing Scuds across, the only reason he did not get a nuke up the tailpipe was because the US stepped in and begged Israel to chill out. Now, I doubt Israel would use nukes on any of its Arab neighbours as that would simply provoke a sinkhole effect in response (everyone would gang up on beating them down) but the possibility still looms so why on earth would you provoke them?
I will again state that I do not in any way condone the killing of children or innocent people in any form or fashion. I will say though that you only have to remember some well known sayings to know Hamas royally f**ked up.
"You don't bring a knife to a gunfight."
"Don't poke a beehive unless you are willing to get stung."
"Don't wake the sleeping bear."
"Mess with the bull and you get the horns!"
And my final words come from a skit Chris Rock did about the OJ Simpson case in his "Bigger & Blacker" concert. I don't agree with what the Israelis are doing as a response to Hamas' violence, but I understand. I just hope it all stops before it is too late.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Very well done video that shows the amount of work the better videos require and the better results that come of it.
Maurice: The most beautiful blonde I ever saw in my life. I pushed the driver out of the way and opened her door. When she climbed out, she kissed me on the cheek and said, “I hope our paths cross again one day.”
Malcolm: Wow, that’s so romantic!
Maurice: Exactly ten years later, at exactly the same time, I was standing in front of the Biltmore Hotel again and a yellow taxi pulled up. Do you know who was inside?
Malcolm: The same gorgeous blonde?
Maurice: No, the same driver.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
CityNews: Wife Charged With Murder After Allegedly Setting Husband's Genitals On Fire
I'd check for dead animals around the yard.
CityNews: Angry 4-Yr.-Old Shot Babysitter For Stepping On His Foot: Cops
Monday, January 05, 2009
Mrs. Roddenberry was supposed to play the part now immortalized by Leonard Nimoy's Mr. Spock; it seems the TV executives simply could not fathom a woman with that much power in those times so ordered a change. She ended up in a more minor part as Nurse Chapel but has also been immortalized in her own right as the voice of the Enterprise in almost every Star Trek show and movie and video game. If that was not enough, her turn as Mrs. Troi, Deanna's mother in both TNG and DS9 provided some of the most comedic episodes to ever air during those series' runs. Her greatest accomplishment is probably driving the continuing legacy of her and her late husband after his passing in 1991. She brought not one but two distinct, successful science fiction series to TV syndication in Earth: Final Conflict and Andromeda.
Very easily she could have been labelled as a pain to work with, undesirable boss, on and on. I personally have never read such stories and continually I have read about what a wonderful person she is on and off the set. Frankly, I don't care if those stories exist, it would nto phase me one bit. To me, she will always be that voice that says, "So and so is not on board the Enterprise" and "Oh Jean Luc, such naughty thoughts."
Rest in Peace and I hope you and Gene can now spend eternity together.
Majel B. Roddenberry, wife of 'Star Trek' creator, dies - Los Angeles Times
Sunday, January 04, 2009
I read the article and I added the information I recently gleaned from friends who live on Amherst Island near Kingston, Ontario to form my opinion. Unfortunately, it is still on the fence in a manner of speaking. Let me explain.
First, I think the title of this story is misleading because it never specifically outlines any actual facts concerning the effect on the actual environment itself. It does mention ruining the picturesque views for some folks but the photo opportunity of your horizon is not argument enough to stop such projects. It would have been far more effective an article with actual facts on what these projects do to the surrounding lands, animals, erosion patterns, etc. I expected better than a half-ass report from a national newspaper and Mr. Frum, you should be ashamed of printing this incomplete report.
Next, on the island they have some true concerns about these windmills and very little of those concerns have to do with how things look from their window. The island is in the migratory path of many birds and the ONLY resting spot for certain owl species. Schools, scientists and birdwatchers flock to the island to observe these birds all year long. with approximately eighty-six wind turbines being slated for the island, smack dab in the middle of these lands, the obvious question is "what happens to these birds?" Now, I am all for alternative power but it seems that in order to lessen the installation cost, the obvious site out in the water is being ignored in order to lower the price of putting these items in. THIS is a true example of the environmental cost and impact Mr. Frum. Do some research and get back to us.
My finally note on this topic is one I have sung before. If this is not the solution to the issue, what is? Once again, right or wrong, we have the government pushing forward a solution and a bunch of people nay saying and running against it going through. Everyone is well within their right to protest against it BUT what other solutions has anyone come up with? People want the coal burning stations shut down, they want no more nuclear plants built, they want less cars on the road, they want the moraine saved and they want no further lands flooded for hydro electric damns as it displaces (and kills) the wildlife. Uhm, okay, so then what do you propose as a solution to provide the power for a growing population in 2009 without doing any of the previous items you don't want done? CRICKETS!! Yeah, thought so.
I'm not saying what Dalton's government is doing is the absolute right answer or that how they are going about it is necessarily the right way. i am saying that I am tired of the Conservatives and everyone else simply bitching about the decisions without coming up with a concrete plan that can be put forth and measured directly against the current plan to PROVE it is the better way to do things. One does not have to be in power to effect change and if that is all one is seeking by going against the plan, then what incentive is there for anyone to listen to you.
I don't think the people of Ontario, or across Canada, should simply shut up and accept the current plan as it is being put forth. I DO think that those in a position (i.e. opposition leaders, etc.) to get the current plan changed should shut up until they have something meaningful and useful to say. It is 2009 people and this planet is quickly running out of time. Grow up and start behaving like adults and fix this before it is too late for us all.
Shut up and pay for your windmill
After the annual office Christmas party blowout, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed,
and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he was able to
make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she assured him, voice dripping with scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded
in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the President of the company to his face."
"He's an asshole - piss on him!"
"You did," Louise informed him.
"And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday!"
The wonderful thing about the Internet is that you can get immediate information about just about anything newsworthy from around the world. It also allows for immediate reaction and expression about those events. Sometimes that is done in forums, letters to the editor, emails between friends/colleagues, articles, You-Tube videos or, like has been done here, imaginative and creative shockwave games. The person who sent it to me got 9; I've managed 8 in the few times I tried. I'll update this post when I break 9. Enjoy.
Sock and Awe!