Saturday, July 29, 2006

WHAT THE F@@K?!?!??!

I posted the following at this site as a comment to the posting there. You may not have listened to The Humble and Fred Show in its various incarnations in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA); you would have been missing the best duo on radio, in mine and DW's humble opinions. Other shows may have larger numbers (stupid kiddie tricks) and more expensive advertising, but in sheer creative, timely humour, crassness, real feeling, there simply was no better radio show on the dial. Oh yeah, they lived to piss off stupid people (like this one).

Last year, Fred "Freddie P" Patterson was sacked from the show. Howard "Humble" Glassman continued on for the next eleven months until he returned from vacation when he to got the call to say he was done. I am shocked. DW is shocked. We are both pissed off. And don't bother telling us about the radio biz or any other set of horse manure; we don't want to hear it and we don't care. We hold the MIx 99.9 radio station responsible for f**king up our morning routine and our act of choice is to ban the station from our dial unless there is a time that H&F return.

Humble, if you somehow land on my little blog here, contact me so we know where to meet up for that Gentile season (Christmas) as we intend to continue our tradition of presenting you with genuine Trinidadian Black Cake and Punch a Creme. Before I go (and drop a bucnh a links after my pasted comment) I want to share two vivid memories of past Humble and Fred shows.

First, I was lucky enough to be working downtown at the 2 Bloor Street office when I heard they were giving The Humble and Fred Show CD away for any donations to the charity of choice. I made my way downtown very quickly and secured my copy before heading into work. I did not get a lot done that morning because I was laughing so hard it hurt. If you want to hear it, let me know.

Second, I was on my way up to the Gordon Baker Rd. office. I am listening to the show as they were doing yet another charity drive I think. Anyhow, they were promised some time to speak to that offbeat comic/radio/tv personality, Carla Collins. Well, they got essentially brushed off a number of times by her handlers or assistant people and it kinda ticked off the boys so they start riffing on her. next thing you know, they are being scolded by one of these people. Anyone who has listened to the show knows that was simply stupid to do. They continued even more and then the classic bit. The conversation turned to talk about Freddie being able to take Carla, the "Cutesy-Putesy Carla Collins" comment, and then something about tying her to a chair and zapping her with one of those self-defence items. I was driving to work. I was drinking hot chocolate. I was spewing out of my nose. I was barely keeping on the road. I was laughing my ass off.

This is Humble and Fred. And I miss them. Well done guys!!


Here is the comment I posted:

I know there are some people that probably will not get our attachment to radio personalities and that really is sad for them. We make no apologies for our closeness to people that we want to hear more than the din of our own families.

I turned my wife onto the fellas some eight years ago because any woman I was going to marry had to get, and like, the humour of The Humble and Fred show. She embraced them immediately on Mojo and moved to the MIx when they moved. As such, I married her two years ago and, upon our request, Howard and Fred were a part of our wedding as we played our "You're Getting Married" conversation on the show to all of our guests at the end of dinner and speeches.

The station of record at the time became our number one radio preset in each car. You got us to work every morning feeling better than when we left. I still play the CD because nothing is funnier than "cutesy-putesy Carla Collins", Fred farting on air, the off-air cursing sessions and I forget her name but the woman cussing like a teamster about the ass-wipe in the parking lot that hit her car.

Mix 99.9 will become an unused footnote on our dial once again because without the promise of someone who got what the listeners needed to hear, we don't feel a need to listen. We know this is the business but in every business the customer is your first, best and last gauge of whether or not they want to buy your product. Today, you have definitely lost two loyal customers forever.

Howard my friend, P** and I will still make you black cake and punch a creme (that sweet, milky, liquor-laden drink we bring each year). If you still have one of our email addys, send us a note. Or go to my blog and leave me a message or email me from there. If all else fails, we will find you. Just know we are part of your extended family and are here to support you and your family in whatever path you take next.

Best of luck to you.

Here are the links about the fellas and their departure:

Humble Howard

Fred "Freddie P" Patterson and his new website.

Note at Mike Boon's Blog

National Post article

Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Jewish Mistress

Submitted by DoubleD

A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

Being tagged can be fun...

or so MsMittens says. :)

Things can be fun in fours.

four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Gas and propane jockey
2. Sears dock worker
3. Independant car courier
4. 7-11 store clerk

four movies I watch over and over:
1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
2. All Star Wars and Star Trek movies and TV series
3. Rush Hour 1 & 2
4. Sound of Music

four places I have lived:
1. Port of Spain, Trinidad (until two and a bit)
2. Toronto (North York)
3. Markham (less than a year)
4. Toronto (Scarborough)

four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Stargate: SG-1
2. Almost all reality-based shows (mainly on Fox)
3. The Young and the Restless (BEST soap opera in the world, EVER!)
4. Breakfast Television

four places I have been on vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. St. Martin/Sint Maarten
3. Barbados
4. Florida

four websites I visit daily:
1. The regulars linked of my blog (see right column)
2. Gmail
3. Canoe
4. Canada Computers (researching the ever elusive upgrades)

four of my favorite foods:
1. Roti
2. Macaroni Pie
3. Potato Salad
4. Sushi and almost all seafood

four places I would rather be right now:
1. Sleeping beside my wife (been up since 3AM)
2. Hawaii
3. St. Martin
4. anywhere not within a day's driving distance of the GTA

four favorite bands/singers:
1. Janet Jackson
2. Barenaked Ladies
3. Prince
4. Black Eyed Peas

I will tag the following people for some interesting answers:
1) DW
2) LB
3) MS
4) PS
5) Cricket

Leave me a note when you have completed yours.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 - NHL - Lindros in 'great situation' with the Stars - Tuesday July 25, 2006 7:30PM

Lindros is dreaming in technocolor. I have always liked Lindros, but he is seriously smoking something strong if he really believes this. - NHL - Lindros in 'great situation' with the Stars - Tuesday July 25, 2006 7:30PM

Monday, July 24, 2006

If you have a Mac or have used one recently, you will get this.

Monday Funnies

(Find the hidden toons for even more laughs!)

10. I could use some pointers… show me how you used to spank her.

9. Do you mind if we borrow your video camera, for the evening?

8. I just got my license today… I can’t believe I made it over here alive!

7. Five bucks says she's a D-cup.

6. Yeah, I can unscrew it and take it out, but then there’s a huge hole in my tongue.

5. Don’t worry… I’m only contagious when I have a break out.

4. Hi, I'm Robert, but my friends call me Back Door Bob.

3. I couldn’t help but notice your apartment number is 69… that’s my favorite number!

2. Did you know that Costco carries 60-gallon drums of vaseline? How handy is that?!

1. Hey, we’ve got something in common… she can call me daddy too!

Friday, July 21, 2006

Survival Kit In A Sardine Can at

If you hike, or camp or do strange things in the woods (just saying, not judging), then this may be a good thing to keep handy.


Survival Kit In A Sardine Can at

BBC NEWS | Technology | Poisoned PowerPoint attacks users

August 8th. AUGUST 8TH??!?!?!!?

That is when Microsoft will release a patch to fix the hole that currently resides on your machine that could let a progam in (called a keylogger) that can capture and then transmit every keystroke you make on your computer's keyboard. Geez, M$, don't do us any huge favours.


BBC NEWS | Technology | Poisoned PowerPoint attacks users

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Apple - Trailers - The Devil Wears Prada

DW and I went to the Paramount theatre a couple of weeks ago to see Superman in IMAX; we failed as the damn thing was sold out. OK, don't care, find another movie as we ARE going out. Sold out. Sold out. Sold out. Oh, this one is starting in ten minutes and has room. Which one? WHICH ONE?!?!?

So, as I am bitching and moaning on the way up the super long escalator, this woman tells us that she heard that even though it looks like a chick flick, it really is not. Uhm, riiiight.

OK, so I owe her the mantra: She was right, I was wrong. This movie is funny, is not a chick flick and thoroughly enjoyable. She may not win but if Meryl Streep does not get at least nominated for her portrayal, it will be a travesty.

Go watch it.


Apple - Trailers - The Devil Wears Prada

Apple - Trailers - The Oh in Ohio - Trailer

It is in limited release but if this gets released in a theatre near you, I would try to go see it. It looks like one of those sleeper hits that becomes a monster hit either in the theatre or in DVD release.

Apple - Trailers - The Oh in Ohio - Trailer

Monday, July 17, 2006

Good Bush!

Bush curses Hezbollah during G-8 luncheon - Yahoo! News

Wired News

Does not matter how much money one has, it seems that the lvel of stupidity, ignorance and hatred can match it. One would think that someone with the Spaulding fortune behind them would walk in better circles but it simply serves as yet another example of how privilege does not breed a good human being. All privilege does in these cases is provide above average resources to someone that belongs in the Darwin Awards list.

And yes, we are oh so surprised that the judge does not see it as racially motivated. The girlfriend uttering racial epithets, his Mazi and white supremist materials, his carrying of a concealed and illegal weapon meant to inflict great pain without killing... nope, no clues to racial motivation here.

I know we have issues up here too but it is times like these that I am glad I am Canadian. Sorry my American friends but this stuff is just too much.

Wired News

Family Guy

If I have to explain this, it simply is just not worth it. Enjoy.

Family Guy

Friday, July 14, 2006

One Laptop Per Child - prototype video - O'Reilly Digital Media Blog

If you are unfamiliar with this initiative, you really should take a look at it on their website. It's funny that it has taken this long for it to happen and all the naysayers who said the project was doomed to failure and impossible to execute, are now jumping on the bandwagon to ensure their name is mentioned as a forward thinking company of the world looking to help people; truly pathetic really. In any case, this initiative will bring what you and I take for granted and consider a given to areas of the world where clean running hot and cold water is not even guaranteed. So why does a computer matter to people in these dire predicaments you ask?

Simple. Knowledge is power. These people are powerless because they lack the knowledge to do anything about it (or are oppressed by governments that try to keep that knowledge from them). Lots of people get the chance to go abroad and then return home to try to make a difference. What if we brought that ability to gain knowledge to them locally? Could the process of progress be accelerated for these people? Time will tell but at least someone is trying.

Oh, and if you wonder why neither Micro$oft or Apple have their OS running on these units, the answer is a simple one. The OLPC group did not want to be beholden to any one company. They wanted the OS to be open source so that developers around the world could constantly tweak and modify and expand its capabilities at will. Micro$oft would never do it and Apple would never do it to the extent that s required. As much as I think Apple could have modified OS X to meet the needs in a quicker fashion, I absolutely understand and agree with the group's refusal to use them.

Anyhow, take a read at their site and you should also check out which takes you to a Wiki site I believe. It has a lot of information there too.


One Laptop Per Child - prototype video - O'Reilly Digital Media Blog

To High-Tech Industry: I'm Not your Friggin' Test Department - O'Reilly Digital Media Blog

To High-Tech Industry: I'm Not your Friggin' Test Department - O'Reilly Digital Media Blog

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Comedian Red Buttons dies at 87

I am really an old soul because, unlike some of you I am sure, I did not have to Google who Red buttons was. Even though he and people of his era are supposed to be our parents' preferred entertainment, I continued to enjoy them when I was growing up. It simply goes to show that certain things are timeless and have no boundaries. I feel the hand of time sweeping by when all these folks continue to die off, a simple reminder that my time will come one day too. Today however, the world has lost another great, a unique artist, who will never be equaled again. RIP.


CANOE -- JAM! - Comedian Red Buttons dies at 87

Thursday Funny

Submitted by AL's little brother Eddo.

The Men's Rules

At last a man has taken the time to write this all down. Finally , the man's side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules " from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving
it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem . See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Wednesday Funny

Submitted by LB

Never offer information; just confirm or deny

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her. So he says, "Do you Know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

Friday, July 07, 2006

We're not alone

I was going to moan and groan and bitch and complain about having to work the camping long weekend and the rain and a couple of other things bugging my mind but I decided to steer this in another direction; a positive one.

We have friends (also mentors and parental units) that live on Amherst Island, near Bath ON and accessible only by ferry. It's a great place they have retired to and they make us welcome there any time we are in the area and they are free (or at home). We stopped in for a short visit on the way home from camping. While I am simply glad to be able to see them evrery so often, this was especially good because of our talk this time round.

While details are not for this post, suffice it to say that it was good to hear from other parents who not only dealt with some of the things we are dealing with (and worse) but it was comforting to know we were not the only ones making tough child-rearing choices and that in the end, it is the right thing to do. Usually, and this not to look badly upon anyhow, we get a look of shock or disapproval or something that makes us question ourselves. This time we got an "oh yeah, been there done that, you aint seen nothing yet" reaction. Really? We aren't the only ones thinking we will either lose our minds or kill the child? Apparently not.

There are things in life that will never be easy to deal with, choices never easy to make, but it really does feel good to know someone really understands what you are going through, the pain you feel in making certain choices and the reality that certain things have to be done for the good of everyone.

I just want to thank J&J not only for a wonderful addition to a not-so-bad weekend, but for their support over these years, unwavering and non-judgemental. We cherish and appreciate your love and friendship and tutelage.

There are no special days during the year; everyday is special. Once in a while, when the mood hits you, make some extra so.


Tuesday, July 04, 2006

NASA Human Space Flight

NASA Human Space Flight

3Men With Nothing Better To Do

3Men With Nothing Better To Do

American Royal > BBQ

This is the site of the competition we were watching tonight. The next one is October 6-7. We may not be able to make it there this year but we are thinking of getting some rib lovers together to check it out next year. Are you in?

American Royal > BBQ

The Smoke Ring- All you need to know about barbecue

With the summer in full swing, a number of BBQ events happen around the city. DW and I are watching one such competition in the US on FoodTV. As such, I have added a couple of links here for you to check out. If you happen to be in the Toronto area around the first full weekend in August (also known as Simcoe Day weekend and Caribana weekend), there is a big Ribfest that is held every year in Thompson Park at Brimley, just north of Lawrence. See you there. :)

The Smoke Ring- All you need to know about barbecue

Seafood & Barbeque Rubs and Seasonings Source - Butt

Seafood & Barbeque Rubs and Seasonings Source - Butt

Print Story: Scorpions, worms and ants on the menu at NY club on Yahoo! Canada News

You know, people simply have too much time or money on their hands. I am all for the education of the masses on the other other other other meats of the world but at $175 per scorpion, things people kill daily for free all over the place, it seems that it is more show that share. A pure waste of time in my view.


Print Story: Scorpions, worms and ants on the menu at NY club on Yahoo! Canada News

Monday, July 03, 2006

Rain and flying recycling bins

The dam must have overflowed somewhere because it is hard to believe that clouds hold that much water. It was relentless and while there is no comparison to a true monsoon, tropical storm or hurricane, it really was something to be out in a little tent under a tree getting pummelled with wind and rain; oh, and the interjection of ear-pounding thunder with the camera-flash like lightning preceeding it.

So, you really do get what ou pay for sometimes and that applies to our camping gear. A while back when we agreed to join Famine's family camping, we had to buy new gear because as a single entity, DW and I possessed none (having no need for it in an apartment and being couch potatoes). Admittedly, we went for price not brand name and ended up in a Zellers where we bought a Cherokee brand tent that can sleep six in a pinch and has a removeable dividing wall inside; two entrances, six windows and a rain fly complete the package. All in all it is a sturdy, roomy tent for DW, our inflatable queen mattress and our stuff.

The problem lies in the actial construction of the tent. Not being camp-savy when we bought it, we did not notice that the wall and the floor joined at a stitched seam at the base of the wall. Why does that matter you ask? Well, in the dry it poses no issue at all. When it rains, however, the water rolls down the walls, hits the seams and starts to bead on the inside of the tent. Enough rain, enough beading, and you have a LOT of water inside. We encountered this both of Friday and Saturday night, but the latter was the worse because of the torrential downpour. In the morning, we found our bed ringed with a wet floor, and because we were on a slope, it all drained down to where our stuff lay.

Every back got soaked including my laptop bag where the computer magazines, and my three work notepads with all my important notes were not soaked halfway up each. Oh yeah, the laptop was sitting in it too and feeling damp. Now I was frightened that it has sustained water damage and was toast. I sat it on its side, opened and off (NEVER turn on electronic equipment not meant to be run wet) and let it sit so that any residual moisture either drained or evaporated away. The books, the clothes, the mattress, the everything, we laid out in the sun on the grass or on the folding chairs we commandeered from our friends. Our attention then turned to drying out the tent and evacuating it of the various creatures that decided it was a nice place to hang out too. The catepillars (they are EVERYWHERE) we don't mind so much. The long-legged, creepy looking spiders, the annoying shag flies, the mosquitoes and these really strange looking flying bugs had to go outside or to their maker; their choice.

Since I am on-call, I also had to do some work so I checked the laptop, which was fine, and popped into TR to play some tunes and doe some work. Naturally, in all the times I have played music in the truck, this would be the one time I would drain the battery and require our friend's generator (the one recharging rhe laptop and APC and Blackberries, and lantern) to boost the battery so I could start the truck. We did this and given ennough time, after dinner, DW and I headed to the shower stalls for a much needed shower. The stalls have automatic sensors so that water is not wasted but they don't work real well so one has to stick one's ass out to ensure that the water is on. What happens when you need to wash the part? Use your imagination.

Dinner was amazing last night as DW and I bought a couple of steaks at Dominion as our camping treat. We are talking tender, juicy, THICK steaks. Mmmmmm, oh yeah, good. Add a couple of corn and it was more than filling. When we had gotten back from showering, the ganag had already worked the fire up and we joined the gang. We did not sta up as long this time though because some folks that joined us yesterday had to leave in the morning for the guy to go to work. One guy who was camping here with his family had to leave to go back to Dorval (in Quebec, about 2hrs away) to go to work for 3AM. BT's husband and MTL's middle child along with her friend headed out around 6:15AM to go tubing.

How do I know when they left you ask? That would be because for the third straight morning I was woken by the sounds of my phone ringing for a roblem ticket to be taken care of. For the third straight morning, I was up two or three times during the night as part of the process to ensure I did not miss anything. It's the part of my job that bites a little but what can one do; it is what they pay me for. Besides, it meant that I was up early enough to catch the groundhogs in the area creeping about people's campsites and scurrying away like the little coward bitches that they are at the slightest sound or movement (though I managed to get within 20 feet of one, he is lucky I am not a hunter). I also got some pictures as the flying recycling bins (AKA seagulls) rummaged through each and every firepit looking for more crap to digest and then relese in a torrent of shit on unsuspecting people below. They really should have a price on their head.

So, I am off now. We have to get breakfast together, break camp, load TR and head off to Amherst Island to visit with our friends there for a little bit. Maybe, just maybe I will actually make that damn ferry on time for a change. Nahhhhhhh. Then it is back to T.O. where we can shower in an abundance of hot water, grease up our skin in anti-itching cream and settle down for a night of insect-less, TV viewing.

Yeah, I know. I miss camping already. :)


Saturday, July 01, 2006

Camping in the Parks of the St. Lawrence - Long Sault Parkway

I am blogging from a Rogers AirCard (read gutless, slow as ass) wireless connection; but it works so I will stop complaining now. I will complain by the fact that the damn connection constantly drops and recovers but then switches between Rogers and Cingular carriers. Cingular has the stronger signal as well so it poses its own challenges.

Anyhow, it has been raining on and off, fairly hard, since lunch. Our friend cannot take DW and the gang out for boating fun until tomorrow because of the weather. Unfortunately for me, I am on call with my colleague away for two weeks, so no water fun for me. Total suckage.

It has been a while since we have been camping so this was nice. We had to spend a whack load of funds in order to have enough equipment for ourselves though as the last time, our Everett crew supplied what we did not have. So, we now own a Woods cooking top, cooking and eating utensils, and various necessary camping items. Due to the need to work, I had to do the ultimate geek thing; I brought an APC 1500 to help augment my laptop power. Look it up if you are lost on that one. :) Thankfully, B & J have a generator as well so the APC can be recharged. I have been working on the laptop since around 9:30 this morning as I have used the internal battery, the APC, the generator, and now the APC again; not bad at all.

More lightning, thunder and RAIN. The folks are a bit tired of it all. I actually love the rain. I find the sound very soothing and it is better to have the real stuff than the recorded crap those machines play.

This has been a week from hell (I'll post about that another time) so this weekend, even though I have to work, is a welcome diversion from it all. I am going back to my Corona and my Caesar's (yes, BOTH at once) now. I hope to get some nice picture tomorrow. Unfortunately, with all the rain, I could not get any today to post.

Have a happy Canada's Day to one and all.


Camping in the Parks of the St. Lawrence - Long Sault Parkway