Sunday, April 30, 2006

Happy Birthday Mossy!

Today is Mossy's 38th birthday. I met Mossy (and PS) through Dtrini who works with him. He's funny, loves the CFL, is an avid hockey fan, plays a good game of Cranium, and is an oveall good egg. Here's hoping he's having a great birthday full fun and frolicking. :) If you haven't met Mossy go say hello on his blog.

Happy Birthday Mossy!

Friday, April 28, 2006

CANOE -- CNEWS - Weird News: Man tries to sell baby to pay for home improvements

Are you freaking kidding me? Forget for the moment that one typically sell people when you are putting them into slavery (a practice that still goes on today). Forget for the moment that if you really wanted to ensure the child's well-being because you could not take care of him/her properly that you would have seeked a solution through a lawyer or agency.

Nope, let's concentrate on the simple fact that any normal human being, with blood ties to this innocent child, would NOT act in this manner!

And therein lies the great debate that rages through our society and pretty much all around the world. Simply because you can bear children or you provided the genetic material does not automatically make you a parent. It is the love, sacrifice and determination to see that child fulfill his or her potential in life and grow up a good person in the world that makes a parent.

Stupidly, people do not want homosexual people adopting babies because they are deviant. They do not want single people adopting because they will be absentee. They don't want white adopting black, black adopting white, Indian adopting chinese, and any other combination because there is simply no way an educated, worldly person could possibly offer the experience that people of the child's origin could offer. I understand that to a certain extent but I would counter with the question "And just what does languishing in an orphanage or bouncing from one foster home to another offer in the way of learning about their heritage exaclty?"

Of course, this story burns me even more personally considering what DW and I are going through in our own life. It sickens me that any child should be treated in a way that they shouldn't; it is much worse when that abuse comes from the parents themselves. I hope this asswipe enjoys his time in lockup and I hope he is placed in general popualation accidentally for a litle, old-fashioned tuning up.

CANOE -- CNEWS - Weird News: Man tries to sell baby to pay for home improvements

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Maximum PC: Neuros MPEG-4 Video Recorder 2

A nifty gadget for the likes of you with an Apple iPod video or a Sony PSP.

Maximum PC: Neuros MPEG-4 Video Recorder 2

No one believes me, but...

Clean Sweep - The Taking of the A******* Atoll is coming soon. For those unfamiliar with the hit TV show Clean Sweep, let me explain. People sign up to have the show come in and help them get a room, rooms or their house organized and cleaned up. We have a lot of clutter and crap, yes, but you should see some of these people's living areas. I mean they use their bedroom, dining rooms, living rooms, everywhere they would normally reside as the area to store stuff. Our stuff is basically stuffed into the basement. We refuse to allow our dining and living rooms to be cluttered because we host so many things during the year. And we refuse to have our upper floor (bedrooms) packed up around us.

So, admirable effort aside, we have boxes that have not been opened in almost four years (it will be four years in this house as of August) and some from before that which we had in storage since they would not fit into the old apartment. Now, a lot of books are in there that we want out in the open when we eventually move to a place that can hold some book shelves; some we will donate to schools here and abroad. I have mounds of computer equipment that is outdated and collecting dust. The General, a friend and UNIX mentor will take a load of it off my hands to use to teach technology on the island he lives on (sorry, not in the sunny part of the world, in the St. Lawrence). I am a paper pack rat so there are hundreds of magazines that I have been trying to get to. I buy and try to read about 10-20 a month depending on the interesting article that catches my eye. Yes, I know, but I do get through quite a bit of them quickly (i.e. Maximum PC, PC World, Mac World, Linux Journal, etc.).

So, how am I going to accomplish this monumental feat? F**K if I know. DW and Famine have been threatening me for years with doing a "While You Were Out" and clearing it all before I got home one day. I threatened to divorce her so those plans have been changed. I have two weeks vacation from last year that HR (evil bastards) tell me I MUST take by the end of June. So, at least one week will be spent, morning to night, cleaning up the crap in this house. I am trying to get a read on what week that would be but I will not have a lot of choice soon seeing that the year is flying by (what the hell is that?) and I now only have two months to get these two weeks in. I do have that poker tournament coming up so I may work around that so I am already off as I go forward in the tourney and working on the house when I am not playing.

Regardless, the moment some real sun hits these parts (still waiting for those elusive 20s) we will be having the mother of all garage sales on our street. Everything from books and mags, to possibly some clothes, dining ware, electronics, maybe some music and movies, computers, furniture, and considering we will probably not end up in a place with a 19 foot living room, DW's beloved 65-incher may be up for grabs too.

First things first though, I have to clean up and find it all. Wish me luck. Peace.

How was your Monday?

A late post, so sue me. From midnight Monday morning, I was on a doctor ordered fast as I had to do some tests that morning for my annual checkup. My doctor, Dr. R., is also from Trinidad and a straight talker. Anyone who knows me knows I have little patience for ignorance or BS, just give me the facts then go away (part of my sparkling social people-hater personality). Anyhow, I go in expecting what he is going to say but fearing there may be something more. In typical Trini style, my appointment was for 8AM, I got there at 8:30AM and he did not see me until 9:30AM.

Thankfully, no clothes had to be shed this time around. No playing marbles with the boys. No greasing up and goosing. Nope, just a plain old blood pressure check (absolutely normal and steady like last time), a weight check (steady with my tubby self, but still way to high), a girth check (suffice it to say that I can not be described as rotund) and a round of blood work in the lab downstairs. The doc himself had to lose some weight due to a ruptured disc. He spoke about the recent studies that linked girth in males to a reduction in life span. Yes, they are directly proportionate it seems. I am okay with doing things, it is the getting started that stumps me. Thankfully, DW has started the trend so I will follow her and it will be good for both of us.

The lab tests are the real kicker though and I have to admit that I am a little worried about them this time out because I have not exactly been a good boy lately. The concern comes not only from my current condition (that would be fat) but from family history and genetic markers. There are not many people you will meet that have as many predisposed illnesses in their family tree. Of course, that list includes a lot of the big ticket items like Cancer, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Kidney Disease, Arthritis, Bad Circulation and a slew of other nasties. So, the doc keeps a watchful eye on certain flags to ensure we catch any potential problems early. So far so good but I need to stop pressing my luck. I have a family to be here for.

Anyhow, after the doctor I went for breakfast at a local Greek greasy spoon. It is a quaint little shop with only four or five, two-seater tables. They make amazing food though so I had a large OJ with a sourdough omelet sandwich. Mmmmmm. Then it was back to the grindstone in the dungeon (MS and PS still cannot believe how much crap we can cram into such a small space). You know, common sense, especially in the corporate world, really is an endangered species. Sometimes I just wanna wring the stupidity out of some people.

Apparently that is a felony though. Pity.


'The Beast' Self-Inking Rubber Stamp

Editor's Note: Remember to check the tab for which blog you are posting to. I accidentally posted this to DW's blog. Really not a good thing. :(

So here I was, installing a VMware server (yes MsM, it seemed the complete rebuild worked, but it really did not) and I named the server "Beast". In order to connect to the machine, I could use either the IP address or type in http://Beast/. Well, when I did that, it did not find my new server for me to play with, but rather this very strange, very disturbing site.

I mean, is this thing for real? I have not clicked on it yet to go any further. I just had to blog it before I continued. You know, just in case something happened to me. :)


'The Beast' Self-Inking Rubber Stamp

Monday, April 24, 2006

Monday Morning Funnies

Not sure if I posted this one befdore, but it makes me laugh still.

Submitted by Edo.

Free Haircuts LOL!

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A cop goes for a haircut, and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'Thank You' card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

A Jamaican goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service. The Jamaican is, of course, very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there????

(You know it!!!) A dozen Jamaicans waiting for a free haircut. :)


Submitted by BT from MTL


A man was in a long line at Walmart. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Register 5."

The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of medium-sized condoms, Register 5."

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said.........................

(You'll love this one)

"Cleanup, Register 5"

Submitted by AL

Sunday, April 23, 2006

DW's Blog

Hello everyone, I finally got DW's link added to the little column there with the rest of them (she is on top of course, but that is a topic for another post). If you want to keep up on the details, just head on over there. Only if I think there is something of particualr interest that either of us posted (yes, I will be guest-posting once in a while as I am part of the process to a certain extent) will I mention it over here in this blog. So, click on the link and add it to your list of daily checked blog sites. Give the little lady some bloggy love.


She would have ripped him a new one.

Have to be careful with these type of posts. It is very sensitive where I work so details and such are a big no-no and grounds for dismissal. That said, with details left out to make it very generic, all is fair in love and war.

So, I am on-call this week (means 24-7 coverage) and as such, tickets coming in at any hour is expected as are certain updates and calls. That said, any tickets and calls are under strict guidelines on what gets paged out and when it is okay to bother me and my partner after hours. We are routinely bothered for shit that don't involve us or should have waited till the next business day.

So, every morning, a series of emails come in. At 6:30, it is CityPulse24 Weather; typically between 7 and 8, information concerning current and lingering items in the pipeline; we have a 10AM conf call on this each weekday as well. These are expected and generally ignored so we can get back to sleep. We do not expect a phone call at this time period unless an actual trouble ticket was generated (or some one of my family needed something and, as usual, forgot the home number). Yesterday, a fairly nice man I work with, who can be a royal PITA at times, calls me at 7:50AM!! DW was woken of course, but not seeing a number she recognized, and I was dead to the world (I L-O-V-E DiSaranno, strictly for medicinal purposes of course), she ignored the call figuring if they really wanted me they would have called again or the home number. Thankfully, this person does not have our home number and he leaves a voice message.

When I retrieve the message, he is asking about something that happened the night before, but he cannot retrieve the information since he did not currently have access to a computer terminal. This is actually a reasonable request considering his position and responsibilities. The problem lies in that the situation was handled (and the ITIL/ITSM process would have made him aware of any shit hitting the fan if it was not handled). So, knowing this, there was no hurry and therefore no need to wake us yesterday morning, on a weekend, for something no longer broken.

When I finally replied around 5:30 or 6:30 this morning, I gave the pertinent information and added a PS as a signoff that read similarly to what follows: PS My wife said to tell you that if you wake her at 7:50AM on a weekend again, it had better have blown up or is still on fire. If it is not, she will have to hunt you down and hurt you. He got the message and left a lengthy apology for me on my work vmail.

Common sense would save a whole lot of people a whole lot of grief if they would only exercise it once in a while.


Amazing Human Beat Box

We never get these amazing ads over here.

Uptight pricks that we seem to be. What a shame.

This one in honour of the LB

Some people just don't learn.

The number oe, and simplest, lesson learned from watching Cops, America's Most Wanted, Hill Street Blues, The Shield, N.Y.P.D. Blue, Mianmi Vice, The Job, All CSI and Law and Order versions, Stargate SG1, Battlestar Galactica, X-Files and yes, even the Star Trek series and Babylon 5, is this:

When someone of authority or, more importantly, someone with a weapon or other device that can hurt you is pointing it at you (and you are not pointing back) and they tell you to do something, JUST (&*%$%^#*^ DO IT!

Oh yeah, also remember to not drink and drive, do drugs and drive, or think your ignorance produces some kind of shield that will protect your sorry ass. Just ask the woman in the video what she thinks.

And to anyone that does not think this is funny, to each their own. Personally, I love to laugh at stupid people as it gives me a baseline to know when I have crossed mine.


This cat has nine lives, and just used one.

Fake or Real?

Last soccer video for now. This is simply and amazing feat if it is real. This is not the whole video either, if you click on the title, you will be taken to the Nike site that has the whole thing. I know when they did the LeBron James one, it was faked. There are a lot of people who swear they have seen him do this in person. Remember, when Tiger Woods did his gold ball bouncing trick, the talk all next tournament was that he faked it. So, he duplicated it on live television and the talk was finished. If Ronaldinho even makes it two times, I think eveyrone should shut up because it is a tragedy when you hit the cross bar instead of getting a goal; it is pure skill when you can do it on purpose repeatedly.


Last one for now. Simply Amazing. Ronaldinho rules! Beckham who?

Soccer Tricks

That's just sick!

I have World Cup Fever, so sue me. The clips in this video (and yes, I have fixed the code on all of them so they no longer autostart) just gives a glimpse of the true talent out there. It is way past time for FIFA to clean up all the crap in the sport I love to make it enjoyable to watch again.

Enjoy these truly great, skilled atheletes.

BTW, "sick" means amazing and unbelieveable in this context.


CANOE -- CNEWS - Tech News: Biz Tech Report: Oracle studies Novell acquisition

H-O-L-Y C-R-A-P!!!!

CANOE -- CNEWS - Tech News: Biz Tech Report: Oracle studies Novell acquisition - Michele Mandel - The long shadow of Chernobyl

We will never know ALL of the truth. - Michele Mandel - The long shadow of Chernobyl

CANOE -- JAM! Television: Debbie Travis builds new home series

Uhm, yeah, right. We'll see.

CANOE -- JAM! Television: Debbie Travis builds new home series

American Dad Vs Family Guy - Flash Player Installation

If you like these two shows, you have to play this game. Too funny.

American Dad Vs Family Guy - Flash Player Installation

CANOE -- JAM! Television: Catching up with 'Amazing Race' jerk

And people say that reality TV is not based in reality at all? Where else do you know of that an asshole, borderline spouse-beater (because it happens both ways folks) with money would stand to make more money by having their behaviour exposed?

Hmmmm. Let me think. Hollywood. The Senate. Major League Sports. Trailer Parks (except for the money part).

It is life imitating art imitating life. Sad is it not?

CANOE -- JAM! Television: Catching up with 'Amazing Race' jerk

CANOE -- JAM! Television: Tabloid apologizes to Teri Hatcher

They need to be slapped more and more often.

CANOE -- JAM! Television: Tabloid apologizes to Teri Hatcher

CANOE -- JAM! Television: 'Idol' gives stars a big boost

CANOE -- JAM! Television: 'Idol' gives stars a big boost

CANOE -- JAM! Television: 'Seinfeld' star enjoying new role

CANOE -- JAM! Television: 'Seinfeld' star enjoying new role

CANOE -- JAM! Television: 'Hill Street Blues' producer dies

CANOE -- JAM! Television: 'Hill Street Blues' producer dies

CANOE -- JAM! Television: Sexual harassment case by 'Friends' assistant thrown out of court

Nice try, gold-digging idiot.

CANOE -- JAM! Television: Sexual harassment case by 'Friends' assistant thrown out of court

CANOE -- JAM! Television: It's time to give TV a pass

CANOE -- JAM! Television: It's time to give TV a pass

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The wife be a blogging now.

Yep, you read it right, my DW is now blogging on her lonesome. And no, I had absolutely nothing to do with it as I have been trying to get her to do so for some time. I guess it really was a matter of timing and when she had something she felt she wanted/needed to say. Personally, I think every waking minute of everyday she has something she wants and/or thinks she needs to say, but I digress (and am stopping before I get whacked).

So, for a more serious spin with heart, truth and emotion, take a mosey on down to DW's blog at I will add her to the sidebar as a link as well when i get a chance to modify my template.

I may ghost write over there from time to time rating movies and magazines that produce the best samples, how to handle the rack of tests and anything that would be beneficial to the cause. :) Dtrini-style, of course!


Top Ten Dunks

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Ronaldinho..AGAIN. Unreal.


Forget Suzanne Somers, I want this exerciser!!

Ronaldinho - nuff said

Special Massage Girl

Sexy girl gag

There is a Simpsons movie coming out in 2007.

Here is a teaser trailer for it.


Tuesday morning funnies

Submitted by AL

Subject: Fw: Coming home drunk

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function.

He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.

And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly
clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, THAT!...Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, bitch, I'm married!!!".

Broken table - $200
Hot breakfast - $5
Red Rose bud - $3
Two aspirins - $0.25
Saying the right thing, at the right time... Priceless

*Encounter on a Train - This is too funny*

Sitting together on a train, traveling through the Canadian Rockies were an American guy, a Canadian guy, a little old Greek lady, and a young blond girl with large breasts. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the American has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.

*The old Greek lady thinks:*
The American guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped his cheek.

*The blond girl thinks:*
That American guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.

*The American thinks: *
The Canadian guy must have groped the blond in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

*The Canadian thinks: *
I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the American again.


Submitted by BT from MTL

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."

They tried it, and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon, however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.

The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him so he asked her what was wrong.

"Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

Monday, April 17, 2006

You never know

I got this in an email and it seems legit enough so I am posting. We are getting older and cannot take things for granted.


Good info to know

Please share this with a friend.


During a BBQ a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm, Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ- had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke perhaps Ingrid would be with us

It only takes a minute to read this------ A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke ...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed and getting to the patient within 3 hours which is tough.


3 steps. Read and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize stroke by asking three simple questions:

1. *Ask the individual to SMILE.

2. *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

3. *Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e... It is sunny out today)

If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher. After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems,
researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions. They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved. BE A FRIEND AND SHARE THIS ARTICLE WITH AS MANY FRIENDS AS POSSIBLE, you could save their lives.

Greed is not always good

Everyone has heard the arguments against the current conflicts that the US have been engaged in recently (Kuwait and Iraq) as being more anout oil and money than the liberation of the local people and freedom for everyone in the world. It has not been a difficult task proving that this is indeed the fact but in doing the self-serving bit, there is the fallout that the people are indeed being freed from oppression. The trick in the end will be how the locals can keep things free once the big, bad allied troops leave.

On the other end of the spectrum, and very much out of sight, is the plight of people who do not reside on top of much wanted natural resources, or, do but they are not white so it does not matter to anyone that cares. No, I am not being melodramatic. Take a little Google(tm) run around the net and look up any of the following: Apartheid, Sierra Leone, Rwanda, Tibet, Kashmir, Ethiopian Jews, Native Peoples Canadian and American), New Orleans and FEMA, and on and on.

Always on this list, but in varying degrees of visibility, is China. Everyone remembers the picture of the Chinese student trying to stop a tank in Tiananmen Square. Well, now we have something that is much, much worse. While the communist country is known to suppress religion and generally keep people in line (a worry for the IOC when China was chosen for the summer olympics), the issues that are coming to light show there is far more going on than that. This article talks about China stepping up the ante for dissidents that dare to go against the wishes of "the people". It seems that they may be recycling these broken people so that others may do better things in the world.

Yeah right, if only it were that noble. They are killing off the prisoners and the dissidents and then turning around and selling off their various body parts for transplantation into people willing to pay to extend their lifespan at the cost of someone else's life. It is not oil, or land, or religion, or diamonds that is the currency in this atrocity but human body parts. If there wre only enough organs available, a lot of lives would not be lost. However, in most cases, another has to die in order for one to live. As medical science perfected the various transplants that extend life, it was known there would be a day when a black market would emerge that traffiked in human body parts at the expense of the donor's lives. It is a cash cow when you think about it. Someone, somewhere always needs the next part and someone that knows them will be willing to pay for it in order to buy more time with that person. China seems to have decided that it need not be a black market but rather a Big Box mall retailing the parts of those who would dare oppose them as if in a flea market.

So, why do we not see this front and center on the news stations everywhere? China is a closed country to freedom of the press. You see what they allow you to see and that is what is going to be their greatest challenge controlling when the world comes to their doorstep in 2008 for the Olympics. No one wants to rock the boat with China either due to the upcoming games as everyone wants to give them a chance to shine. But, at what cost?

I think this is serious enough that China would want to have it cleared up and that the world should want to demand it proven to be erroneous reports; but, that is simply my opinion. Is the trafficking of human body parts from people who go against an oppressive government's will important enough to step in and do something or do those bodies have to be buried on a shitload of oil for anyone to care?


Sunday, April 16, 2006

Holy Saturday

No, that is not an exclamation, it is the name of the day for the Easter weekend Saturday. Apparently, referring to yesterday as Easter Saturday would be incorrect. What do I know? I am just a lay Catholic.

So Saturday we got up later than we were supposed to. I was going with my nephew to an electronic warehouse to check on pricing; I never made it out. He was there by the time he woke me. No great sale anyhow, though he picked up a Nano for his girlfriend. If you need to have what Nano is explained to you then you lead a sheltered life.

DW and I got up and had some breakfast, trying to plan out the day. We really did not want to do much of anything, and accomplished that feat admirably. We were popping into the nephew and girlfriend's apartment for the first time for a visit. It is a comfortable two-bedroom place in a lowrise (three storey) building. There is no elevator so thankfully they live on the first floor, a short stair climb away. Hammy's girl (nickname to come soon) made a nice Lasagna dinner which we ate too much of. We then fiddled with the Nano for a bit and had him whip us in Ghost Recon on the Xbox 360 (holy mack are the graphics and movement realistic). I am forbidden, however, to obtain the services of a new unit until one of the old units, several computers and a whole lot of junk is removed from the residence. I guess I am getting one next year.

From there we went downtown by my MIL to help her with her TV woes. She usually does something strange and cannot back out of it so I am the go to guy. It was not a big deal, just some cabling issues. We visited for a little while (well, DW did, I was busy watching the game) and then it was back home for the evening.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

A Good Friday, indeed. :)

So, unless you are one of those "other" religions (like my dear, sweet DW), you will be observing the rituals and traditions of the Easter weekend, which is one of the most important dates in the Christian calendar. This is the weekend where we reaffirm our belief in the death and resurrection of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. No, this is not going to be a religious sermon I am merely setting the tone. So, let's move on, shall we?

Yesterday was the day I agreed to go with my LB to see my mother for the first time in almost a decade. Much had passed between us over that time and absolutely none of it was good. More than I wish to admit at times, I am definitely the product of my mother and father. I am determined, stubborn, giving, reserved, volatile, a pack rat, loving, spiteful, vengeful, forgiving and non-forgiving. And, oh, so much more. Psychoanalysis another day.

Nothing brings out the emotion in me like family, and no one does that more than my mother does. Part of it stems from being a little lost in the family tree. See, my oldest brother (the twit in Barrie) is the first born so he has a special spot. My sister is the only girl so she owns that category. I was next and had a good run for five years until the LB rolled along. Not only was he, and still is, the baby of the bunch, there is a special connection between them as they both nearly died the day he was born. So, as such, I naturally strived for my fifteen minutes as it were where my mother was concerned. I didn't always get it.

Enter my adulthood years and now what I was striving for was acceptance as the adult that I had become: Responsible partner, responsible parent, responsible adult. I still did not always get that recognition but now I could make my own way, my own rules; and I did just that. I railed against the machine that caused me pain and grief and kept me down in many ways. The collateral damage did not matter to me as long as my family was okay. Sometimes the end does not justify the means. Sometimes, there can be a middle ground. Does that apply in this case? Honestly, I don't think yesterday would have happened if I had done things differently. However, we will never know and I am left with a lot of "what ifs" and some regret.

Good Friday. I almost backed out of it when I heard that there were going to be people there that should not be. Pat of me wanted something to get screwed up so I did not have to do this. Part of me was tired of the fighting and wanted it to be finally over. It takes a lot of energy to keep up these intense feelings; energy that LB rightfully pointed out could be spent and directed to things that benefit our immediate families. Yes, he too had something holding him back and it needed to be purged. He is a family man now, a father, and my nephew needs ALL of his dad and his uncle to ensure that he does not experience some of the bad things we did and he gets to experience some of the great things that we did.

LB, that skillful little UN secretary-general of ours, ensured that the platform was clear for my arrival. Mum had not been told that I would be there. For many reasons this was necessary but in the grand scheme of things, the reaction would be real, the emotion would be raw and all that would add up to is the true way she was feeling when she saw me. It was more than I expected or imagined and though part of me knew that my "mother" could react this way, the woman I had been fighting for the last decade was no where near the woman I knew as my mother. LB sad she had changed a lot (with tinges of her old self intact), but he knew I had to play Thomas; I had to poke my finger myself. But here she was, crying, hugging, kissing, thanking, happy, excited, with a touch of sorrow that it had been so long. Mum.

I started to tear up not just because this reunion was finally happening but at the thought we were about to change how she was feeling. I felt bad that we were about to rob her of all this good feeling but it had to be done. THIS had to end today. It is why we settled on today, symbolic in the end becoming the beginning. This was a chance for me to get my mother back and I was not shying away from that. I missed her. A lot. I realized that more in the ten minutes I had been in the door than in the last ten bitter years.

So, we had our talk, we had our cry (she was heartbroken, angry, but surprisingly understanding) and then we did what our family is famous for; we joked, we ribbed each other, we shared memories, we ate some food. Mum was worried about my weight (who isn't these days?), was worried about TC (who isn't these days) and wanted to see DW (comfortably slaving away at home as AL was coming for dinner and I wanted her to meet mum when everything was settled). The rest of the crew was filtering in now, and thankfully I was heading back home. My nephew, his girlfriend, my father (oh yeah, we are a movie waiting to happen), my sister, my SIL, my other nephew (who was sleeping on her shoulder and she would not let me wake) came in and that was fine. Then the cousins came strolling in while one I can tolerate and handle, the other one makes my skin crawl and boil and is effectively dead to me. So, off to join my wife at home. I left with way more than I expected: a foundation to start rebuilding my relationship with my mother, a respect for my LB's perserverance in his Kofi role, a good feeling where almost none existed prior to yesterday and a sampling of mother-cooked food to help DW attain the next level in Trini cooking. You know there will be some visits/lessons coming as soon as I can arrange them.

Thanks LB. I love you.

So, back at home, DW was almost finished cooking for our dinner with AL and his "friend". I brought in the sampler and we were talking and tasting when AL showed up a few minutes early. For those who don't know, AL and I have been best friends since grade seven (1979 as we have figure out, so thirty years as of 2009). He knows my mother's cooking and he has missed it as well. He knew the moment he tasted it that it was hers. So, the four of us stood in the kitchen, DW still finishing up, having the dinner sampler as our appetizer plate. This will probably not mean anything to the lot of you but it included the following: paratha/roti (bought though as mum's back could not allow her to cook her own), fried rice, curry chicken with chick peas, fish in broth, fried fish, green banana, plantain, sweet yam, regular yam, dasheen (I think), and a half of a small sweetbread (flour not pancreas).

For dinner, DW made a fish broth with many dumplings but nixed it because she did not like how it turned out. Still, we got full on macaroni pie, fried shark and some bake (I'll explain that one another time). We watched Snatch as dinner was completing and then watched Jarhead after dinner. I cut some of LB's kaiso discs for AL and then they went off home. DW and I tried to watch Sportsdesk but it ended up watching us as we both fell asleep.

Yep, a Good Friday, indeed.


Thursday, April 13, 2006

Arts | 'Make the nasty music go away!'

Arts | 'Make the nasty music go away!'


I thought I would surprise my Dtrini with a guest post. :) This one's for you hon. Not sure if it really says much though. ;)

Put your iPod/Winamp/MP3 on shuffle.Reading one question at a time, press play.Use that song title as the answer.

1. How does the world see you? Days Go By (Paul Oakenfold Vocal Remix) – Dirty Vegas. I guess this could be true.

2. Will I have a happy life? Roses – Outkast. Hmmmm.

3. What do my friends think of me? Rosanna – Toto. I think this is a good thing.

4. Do people secretly lust after me? C’mon – Mario. Thank you?

5. How can I make myself happy? I’ll Be Over You – Toto. Not sure who this is about, but it sure isn’t my Dtrini.

6. What should I do with my life? If You Were Here – Thompson Twins Uhm, okay?

7. Will I ever have [more] children? J’attendrai – Swing de Paris. “I will wait”? I’d rather not, thank you. :)

8. What is some good advice for me? Here I Go – Infamous Syndicate. Seems reasonable.

9. How will I be remembered? Words – Paul Van Dyk Not sure here.

10. What's my signature dancing song? Send Your Love – Sting.

11. What's my current theme song? Yes Yes Y’All – Will Smith. I’ll take this I guess.

12. What do others think is my current theme song? The Unexplained – Pablo Gargano. Hmmm.

13. What shall they play at my funeral? What the World Needs Now is Love – Jackie De Shannon. I’ll take that.

14. What type of men do I like? Born To Run – Bruce Springsteen. Not sure here.

15. How's my love life? Communication – The New Meanies. I’ll take this as a good thing?

Lenience for baby-killer

Submitted by Famine

What the hell is our society coming to? Sure, if I were ever made a judge, it would be the hanging kind, but I can show compassion and I can show mercy where warranted. When you deliberately take your child in your hands, with the knowledge and intent in your head to do them harm, then there is only one sentence for you: Hell. And for this heinous crime, death is not hell, it is a release. That person needs to suffer the pain and sorrow such a death causes society.

How in the world can a judge tell society that it is better for a mother, who suffocates an innocent child, and conceals the act by dropping the body in a dumpster, that it is better for her and society that she been released? There is something seriously wrong with the system. And right here, right now, I am telling you that I will vote Tory/Conservative for the first time in my entire life if they can finally show some existense of gonads to make the changes to the system to prevent such travesties in the future.

I am all but physically ill that this reprobate got a mere 18-month conditional sentence with no jail time. Would the sentence be the same for the killing of the judge's relative's baby? Is it okay then to kill your own since you brought the child into the world? Where IS that line that we are supposed to know not to cross?

A plastic bag. A dumpster. A freed killer.

This is NOT my Canada!!


Wednesday, April 12, 2006

A new meme from PS

Borrowed from Penny Shagwell

Put your iPod/Winamp/MP3 on shuffle.Reading one question at a time, press play.Use that song title as the answer.

1. How does the world see you? (I Hate) Everything About You - Three Days Grace. Fine, I hate everything about you, too.

2. Will I have a happy life? Fight (Over Skit) - Ashanti. Heh, no comment; read my blog. :)

3. What do my friends think of me? Superman - Eminem. Aw, shucks.

4. Do people secretly lust after me? One More Chance/Stay With Me (Remix) - The Notorious B.I.G. Uhm, sorry ladies (and gents) I am married to a terrific, awesome lady.

5. How can I make myself happy? Andre the Lion - Stalin. Lost me on this one.

6. What should I do with my life? Just Lose It - Eminem. OK, I am going to take that as "lose it", party style. Sheesh Penny, what are ya trying to do to my self-esteem?

7. Will I ever have [more] children? Intro Medley - 112. Lost me again.

8. What is some good advice for me? Dirt Off Your Shoulder - Jay-Z. I do my best to follow this but it is hard for me.

9. How will I be remembered? Rocky Mountain Way - Joe Walsh. At least it is not Brokeback. :)

10. What's my signature dancing song? Little Drummer Boy - Jars of Clay. I protest. This is definitely not correct.

11. What's my current theme song? Wedding Anniversary Dance - David & Gila's Band. DW should love this one.

Note: Crap, I was fiddling with something and accidently reshuffled the songs so I am continuing from the corresponding number.

12. What do others think is my current theme song? Slow Jam - Usher. I can live with this.

13. What shall they play at my funeral? Love To Love You Baby - Donna Summer. Ewwwww, necrophilia.

14. What type of women do I like? Banire Mohia - BJ TANAP. Only the LB will get this one.

15. How's my love life? Willow Weep For Me - Lou Rawls. ROFLMAO, the truth hurts and I am not saying a thing more for fear that my DW will seriously hurt me.

Suhweeet. Feel free to borrow/steal.

Guess who won a seat? Tee hee!!

Wish me luck, please.

News - Follow the Leader - Toronto Maple Leafs

Look, I like Mats Sundin, I really do. However, this crap they are saying on this site about him shutting up his critics with his record-making, six-point performance is just that: CRAP. You want to shut up this critic, Mats? Play like that the ENTIRE F**KING HOCKEY SEASON and then maybe we can talk about shutting me up. The season, by the way, is eighty-two games long, not sixteen. And come on now, while it was indeed a special performance, it is why he gets paid 120 times what I get paid; it is his damn job. So clap for him now and remember it through the playoffs while we watch the Ottawa Senators win the Stanley Cup we have been promised for 39 years!!

News - Follow the Leader - Toronto Maple Leafs

A meme of sorts

What the heck is a "meme" anyhow?

So, I bumped into this site, saw the equestions and I thought they were kind of neat so I said what the heck and here we are. Steal, borrow, expand at will. First I put what was on the site, then I will put in my own answers.

Q1. What's the band you listen to when your heart is broken?
A1. JIMMY EAT WORLD - Hear you me!!!!!Simple Plan. Anything sad and slow that will make me cry it out!

Q2. What music do you listen to when you are in love?
A2. Any genre that talks about how good things are! A song that reminds me of the person haha right now it would have to be "I wanna be a balla."

Q3. What is your favourite music to dance to?
A3. Hiphop, breakdancing beats...

All music has something going for it. Yes even country sometimes!!! Ya just got to find where you belong in it so you can embrace it!


Q1. What's the band/artist you listen to when your heart is broken?
A1. Sade - Powerful, seductive, sad, happy, everything. If I want to shut out the world, this lady does it the best for me.

Q2. What music do you listen to when you are in love?
A2. Sade - Did I mention that she does it all for me?

Q3. What is your favourite music to dance to?
A3. Sort of redundant no? Basically, I have such eclectic tastes (I'll post our music collection list one day) I can only say that I will dance to anything with a beat. That means that everything from Two Puerto Ricans, a Blackman and a drum machine (house music) to Madonna (pop music) to Twisted Sister (rock music) to Wynton Marsalis (jazz music) to Black Eyed Peas (R&B) to Snoop Dogg (Hip Hop/Rap) to... well, you get the idea. :)

I think Heavy metal and acid rock are the only real forms I have not gotten into. I use music to later my mood, to calm down, to get revved up, to work, to play, to rest. Music is without the boundaries that we otherwise put on our lives. You do not have to be from a particular country, believe in a particular religion or wear the colour skin of a particular race to be allowed to listen to any particular style of music. It truly is one of the few universal forms on this planet. May it one day bind us all.

Much SweetSounds brought to you by Hershey®* Reese™*!

Monday, April 10, 2006

BBC NEWS | Business | Disney puts shows online for free

BBC NEWS | Business | Disney puts shows online for free

Man hit with $218 trillion phone bill - Peculiar Postings -

Man hit with $218 trillion phone bill - Peculiar Postings -

Monday Morning Funnies

Submitted by DW

The Parrot

Amanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstance s, talk to my parrot!"


When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Tiz the season

I have been trying to remember to write this post for some time now and since I am up and WIDE awake, I may as well do it now. As the last of the winter cold, snow and blahs start to move out of the city, we experience the changing of the seasons. No, I am not talking about that little date in the calendar that reads "First Day of Spring"; I am talking about something completely different. There are actually multiple seasons in change so let me explain from least annoying to least tolerable.

Stupid people/ignorant people/stereotypical women drivers. Look, don't shoot the messenger. I really hate people who are stupid and ignorant simply because they are too lazy to educate themselves. This would include the class on "if it looks as big as a truck, move the f**k out of the way more quickly when crossing against the red" and the seminar on "yes, getting hit by that could kill me". This group also missed the memo on why it is not wise to exit a driveway or enter and on-ramp perpendicular to the much faster oncoming traffic at a much slower speed than said traffic. The stereotypical women drivers chime in when those who never drive in winter because, well, they suck and blow at it, decide it is safe to come out of hibernation now and continue their war on traffic flow. That sign says 60km/h where 'h' stands for hours not helium, house, hemispheres, hostels or anything else compeletely irrelevant to the progression of your vehicle in the direction of flow at the same rate as the rest of the flow you dared to join. If you cannot drive at least at the speed limit of the roadway you are on (much less WITH the traffic you are a part of), then you seriously need to find a new route, highway or country to drive in. I bundle older, er, mature, adults in this category as well. Cricket, my "Today's Idiot" posts will begin anew.

Next on my shitlist are cyclists. Sorry MsMittens but though I am sure you do not fall into this category, many of your colleagues do. Already I have witnessed the irritating behaviours of SOME cyclists. Yes, yes, as stated above, there are lots of idiots and other people who should nto have licenses that are on the road, but in their defence they are surround by one to four tons of body-mangling vehicle. So, were I cycling anywhere remotely in the core of Toronto, on those shitty narrow streets of ours, the last thing I would want to do is blindly turn the corner out of a side street, bursting through the stop sign, and head right in front of oncoming traffic during rush hour as people try to make their way home in haste. I also would not venture outside of the desingate bike lanes simply to pass a slower cyclist, oblivious to that bus or delivery truck that had to slow down to not interrupt you bone-headed manouver with your certain death. Finally, I doubt I would run the red light, repeatedly, because no cars seem to be coming in the direction that currently has the green lights. I witnessed all of these behaviours on the way home from work downtown last Wednesday; ONE EVENING. This is insane and the cops need to start nailing these assholes before someone gets seriously hurt. I have had two friends seriously hurt in bike-vehicle mishaps (neither was their fault) and in the end, the vehicle always wins. My friend in high school had his promising racing career (he was third in Ontario) ended and our other friend, she still suffers from the damage to her arm and shoulder. Something needs to be done.

Finally on the topic of changing seasons is the one I hate the most: The return of begging season! Mere moments after the snow and wet has moved of the sidewalk and I am accosted with requests for money for everything from help, food to my favourite "I am short x amount to get my prescription filled as this person wheels down Yonge street. Now, if you really needed the prescription filled and you were hard up would you not think that a) a drugstore may help you with the fees if you live int he neighbourhood and always get your drugs there or b) you would beg AT the drugstore in question since people may be more inclined to go inside with you and pay that small dispensing fee you are claiming you owe? Yep, a whole lotta poppycok is what I smelled there. Typically, if we walk to lunch up Yonge from the downtown office during the summer, we run the gauntlet of approximately three or four, per side, in a two block walk. That is simply unacceptable. And before you bleeding hearts start yapping at me understand something about me first. I will gladly buy someone a coffee/tea or a meal if they ask for that, but I will not give anyone money ever again. Long ago I gave someone five bucks and he told me flat he was not using it for food or somethjng non-alcoholic to drink and it was the last time I gave money to anyone. If you go to the Beer Store on Gerrard during the summer, you will see a lineup that usually starts at 9:30AM (about the time I am getting into work) on most weekdays. No suits, no retirees, nobody you would expect to be at home with time on their hands or a need to run this errand this early. WHO NEEDS BEER ON A TUESDAY AT 10AM?!?! Ok, as a beer drinker maybe that is the wrong question to ask but you get my drift. DW and I were at George's Chicken (a famous BBQ chicken place downtown) and this guy was there in the store asking for money. He was polite and plesant enough and I told him flat that I do not and will not give him money. However, if he is hungry and wants something to he and drink, I will buy it for him. He thanked us and accepted and I paid for his dinner. I think a lot of people like myself would do the same but we are all simply fed up with the begging for money and the unbelievable attitude and grief a lot (not all) of these people give you when you do not give them anything; like you OWE them. I think not!

I cannot wait till Squeegee-kid season starts so I can bang on my windshield or turn the wipers on when some dumbass ignores our wave-off of their "services". Uhm, excuse me, but The Roo only gets washed in Evian(tm) okay? So, unless you have that in your bucket, PISS OFF!


Gaming Night

For those of you who only know me from this blog or don't really know me in person, understand that at nearing forty I am one of the world's oldest children; I love to play games. I mean any types of games; cards, physical, mental, electronic, board, anything. So, in meeting MS (and consequently PS) at work, and getting to know them and the Englishman and his wife, it was the start of a regular set of outings where we adults could have the fun that seems to be reserved for the kidlets these days. We have some other friends that are into games as well, but I think this little sextet is more dedicated to regular get-togethers for the sole purpose of food, drink, fun and games.

Yesterday was another such opportunity. DW, my wonderful cooking overachiever, tried out some new recipes and they turned out marvelous as usual; rice and peas cooked in coconut milk, a light version of jerk chicken (which will get more "jerked" next time), some super delicious chocolate-chip-sour cherries cookies, a spinach and goat cheese salad, a fruit bowl, hand cut vegetables, and some dips and pita chips from the OOAK show. I am still full. MS and PS also brough this chocolate bunt cake which was amazing; it had to be as I am not normally a chocolate cake eater. I like my cake like my woman. :)

The games for the night, after much fun yapping and drinking were Crossword Pyramids (bought a while back at OOAK when it was being launched), Cranium Hoopla, we broke for dinner and finished off with a very addictive dice game from the Englishman called Liar's Dice (here is a link to a downloadable version of the game, PC and crackberry). That took us well past the midnight hour and it was time to call it a night as PS had to work the next day, and everyone else (except for me, obviously) was ready to hit the hay.

We may not be able to do this monthly, but I hope that once every other month or so will not be too much strain on everyone. We adults need to play too!


Short but Sweet Meme (from Penny)

Okay, so the deal is this: In a comment, describe me in one word. Just one.

Don't hold back and be creative!

Then, if you like, at the end of your comment put "Now do me" and post the meme on your blog.

I'll be sure to visit and do the same for you!

Avenue Q on Broadway

We had no idea. After a wonderful night of gaming with MS, PS and a couple of other friends, DW and I were sifting through the library on TC's computer (I ripped every CD we own to iTunes, 32.8 days of continuous music, 55.38GB varying from 128kbps to 320kbps) as we were using the "party shuffle" function to provide music for the duration. Anyhow, DW had heard what appeared to be a showtune earlier in the day so we went looking for the rest of the tracks to it and discovered it was a disc we had backed up for our niece in Chicago; it was the soundtrack for the musical Avenue Q. Neither of us knew anything about it and we did nto have track or album names because iTunes did not recognize the disc so did not fill in the names.

I went hunting in Google for the soundtrack and found a great site that has basically (with a few minor errors) all the lyrics for all the songs in the musical. From those pages we were able to name the individual tracks and the album itself. However, in doing so, we realized that this musical was more adult-oriented than we previously though, even though it was performed entirely with puppets. It has a twisted, and sometimes dark and slightly sick, sense of humour which is why we really want to see it now. Hopefully we will be able to scrap the coin together to go see in on Broadway (and finally visit my aunt in the process).

Check out the site and maybe you will think about joining us, or checking it out on the Vegas trip. Here is the Vegas review of it.


Avenue Q on Broadway

Friday, April 07, 2006

YouTube - darth vader police japan

Somtimes shorts, animated shorts or parody shorts are better than some of the tripe they try to pass off as Oscar-worthy movies. Here, submitted by MsM, is a greater exampkle of one such short. Enjoy.


YouTube - darth vader police japan

Digital Home Canada - Buying an HDTV: Five things to consider

Thinking about buying a new TV? You better hold that thought and understand what is coming forward. Our current viewing system is being phased out. High Definition will soon no longer be a buzz word, but what is the accepted default when one says one is "watching TV". Further to that though, and this is where it gets expensive, the technology used to view this new TV will mean all your old equipment will soon be landfill trash as they won't be able to support the signals and copy protection of the next generation TV broadcasts and Digital Discs (i.e. Blu-Ray, HD-DVD, both or (if they get a clue) some combination of both into a single, industry-wide standard). This article will help you get started on your journey into the future.


Digital Home Canada - Buying an HDTV: Five things to consider - Blu-ray FAQ - Blu-ray FAQ

Viper Lair: Computer Hardware Reviews, Articles and Guides

Another decent geek site.

Viper Lair: Computer Hardware Reviews, Articles and Guides

My Boring Ass Life » Me and My Shadow, Pt. 1

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Lessons of the $100 Laptop

Is anyone surprised that Bill Gates, his evil highness incarnate, would have criticism about a project that would help educate the poor? Oh, by all means point out all the charity Mr. Gates has shown and the philanthropy he has performed; kudos all around. But, he is making public critcisms when he could have told these things directly to the man in charge that he supposedly is working with to make a Windows CE version of this inexpensive laptop available. Nope, instead, he chooses to air his complain in a public forum due to the inclusion of Linux over Windows as the OS of choice for this worldwide project.

Does his ego really need to be stroked that much? Shouldn't he get a better trophy wife if he is not getting enough stroking at home? Does the project not mean more than what publicity and future sales your company can reap from it? Shame on you Bill, shame!


The Lessons of the $100 Laptop

Friday's Funnies

Submitted by Eddie

The Blond and the Lord

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "IS THAT YOU GOD?"



Submitted by DoubleD


Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone.
Athletic..........................No breasts.
Average looking...................Mooooooo.
Beautiful.........................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure................On medication.
Free spirit.......................Junkie.
Friendship first..................Former slut.
New-Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned.....................No BJs.
Outgoing..........................Loud and Embarrassing.
Voluptuous........................Very Fat.
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate...................Stalker.


1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


1. I am hungry = I am hungry.
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy.
3. I am tired = I am tired.
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now!
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay.


Submitted by BT

Subject: "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a"

An attractive blonde was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a
nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was
uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.

"Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off," the blonde answered.

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles!"


A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."

"Damn!", says the little old lady, "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Maybe a challenge, MsM?

Microsoft Virtual Server 2005 R2 is now FREE! by ZDNet's George Ou -- A few months ago when VMware released a free VMware Player, I challenged Microsoft to do the same. Not only has Microsoft answered, but they've gone a step further and made their Virtual Server 2005 R2 Enterprise Edition FREE!

Need to clean up your system?

Wiping an infected computer is best for any OS by ZDNet's George Ou -- Why bother with file forensics on a compromised computer when you can just blow it out and revert it to a known good state? While all the fuss about Microsoft's endorsement of wide scale system imaging is just silly, Microsoft isn't helping their cause by stupidly placing user data in the same logical hard drive partition as the operating system.

Apple: Windows on a Mac is here | Tech News on ZDNet

ALMOST the holy grail. As good as it currently gets, but when I can build the killer gaming box I want to run Windows games, AND I can install Mac OS X so I can use its creamy goodness, nirvana will have been attained.

Apple: Windows on a Mac is here | Tech News on ZDNet | Impaired envoys continue to be granted immunity

I understand the need for "diplomatic immunity" so that people of your country is not persecuted because they happen to be there and someone hates you now. However, there should have been made provisions that when your ambassador or other government representative actually breaks the law in that country, they should be held accountable and either allowed to be jailed or removed from that post. It is ridiculous that innocent people and property is being harded by these idiots. It is past time that something was done about it.

Ciao. | Impaired envoys continue to be granted immunity - Sesame Street baby videos spark controversy- CTV News, Shows and Sports -- Canadian Television

I have not formulated how I feel about this as yet. How do you all feel about this? - Sesame Street baby videos spark controversy- CTV News, Shows and Sports -- Canadian Television

Windows Media Center 2005 Patch! - OSx86 Project Forum

Windows Media Center 2005 Patch! - OSx86 Project Forum

Monday, April 03, 2006

How to recruit people for their proper position in a company

Submitted by a colleague who shall remain nameless since his bricks don't make a full wall. Enjoy.


Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks: Put them in the Accounts Department.
If they are recounting them: Put them in Auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks: Put them in Engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order: Put them in Planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other: Put them in Operations.
If they are sleeping: Put them in Security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces: Put them in Information Technology.
If they are sitting idle: Put them in Human Resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved: Put them in Sales.
If they have already left for the day: Put them in Marketing.
If they are staring out of the window: Put them on Strategic Planning.

And then last but not least!
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved: Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

Pam, you let me down.

So, the Juno awards (the less extravangant, less glitzy, less relevant Canadian cousin of the Grammys) were last night and our hostess with the mostess huge breastesses had the opportunity to either show up as the knowledgeable, intelligent witty person I like or the dim-witted Barbie doll that MS and PS loathe so much. Sadly I must admit that she showed up in the latter guise in all its slutty, stupid, dim-witted, unfunny glory.

Everyone expected that she would take this national platform (as it was broadcast from coast to coast) to make her plea again for Canadians to stop looking barbaric to the rest of the world (i.e the world that contains female genital mutilation, genocide, tribal wars, holy wars and other such things that kill everything in its path not just cure little pups). However, her wittiest comment was how her friend Seal could not attend tonight for fear of being clubbed to death. This of course was met with resounding boos. She did not take the hint and went on to state some stupidity about preferring to seeing blood on the ice during a hockey game rather than the blood all over the ice from baby seals being killed on the coast. Yet another round of boos met her as the house, probably containing seal hunters, grew tired of this political, unfunny monologue. And calling it a momologue is being extemely kind because it did not look like the woman was able to string many intelligent thoughts together last night.

In fact, by the time she said goodbye for the night, in a very short white dress that she had to hold down as she climbed onto something in the DJ area and did her best impression of a desparate hooker looking for acceptance, I was completely appalled that she represented us for this prestigious music event. I am think that the Junos should stick with either really funny people, or musicians that can read cue cards with decent timing. This was a seriously failed exercise even if those wonderfully constructions of monumental effort were smooth, ouiled, tanned and barely held in. Yes, I am talking about those fake bumps in her blouse. Personally, I can see no fun being derived from being hit contstantly with massive balloons as I tried to extract some pleasure but it works for some people. I prefer my fun bags in the natural pack of two thanks.

So, as I do with DW, I must say the mantra because Pamela let me down. MS? PS? You were right and I was wrong.


A time for reflection

The Catholic world is in the midst of Lent leading up the the Easter weekend (which, for the uninitiated , includes Good Friday, Holy Saturday, Easter Sunday and Easter Monday); it actually includes more than that (Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and a bunch of things in between). In any case, as this is the year of change and there is lots going on (not all of which I am at liberty to discuss in this forum), I thought it would be nice to share a bit of the past with you as I look forward. The picture below is of me (100lbs lighter, I am ashamed to say) and TC (quite a bit lighter and smaller as I could not hold her now like that). This picture is approximately 12 years old. Seems not so long ago and really makes one understand that time flies and is very precious. NOW is the time to enjoy those you love and those you choose to be with and around. Regrets are only for those who have run out of time. Peace.


OK, this is a question out to you ladies. Please help us guys understand this little quirk of yours and answer this simple question: Why the hell can you all not take a compliment? If it is not suspicion that we are up to something it is some archaic belief that we must need glasses, are drunk, half-asleep or something else. DW and I have been together for almost either years now yet she still cannot take a compliment. She always appears shocked or bewildered that I am seeing her like I do. Are you all missing the gene that understands that we see you, our partners, like no one else does and therefore if we say you look good, smell good, or we really want you now that it simply is to be believed to be true?

We all know what would happen if guys answered your questions (i.e. Does this make me look fat?) the way comedians have dared us to do for years. There would be an immediate rise in 9-11 calls for sure. How about simply accepting the fact that you do look good to us even when you don't look good to you? How about accepting the fact that it does not matter that you have grown older, we have grown older with you and that is the best part of being with you? How about simply saying "thanks" and nothing else when the compliment is paid?

I welcome your enlightenment on this ever confusing topic.


The second part of March Break

Yeah, I know it is a late post; sue me. The rest of the week was dedicated to either enjoying time with our neice and nephew in from Chicago or doing a whole lotta nothing. We picked the kids up from the airport on the Thursday and went over to their mum's mother's place for dinner along with Pam's brother and mother. After that, they came and spent the night with us. Friday morning brought a day of lazing about until we decided to get moving and we headed downtown to surprise our nephew with a little trip for his birthday.

We took them to the Hockey Hall of Fame. It is the first time I had been there (DW had actually beaten me there by a couple of days when she attended on the Tuesday night through work). As a die-hard Toronto Maple Leaf fan (otherwise known as dumbass fan), this really was a treat to go to for me as well. While looking at endless stats, videos and parapharnelia of hockey can get tiring quickly, there really is a lot of information on the game from past to present and you need more time than we had to soak it all in.

We got some pictures (including the requisite one with the Stanley Cup), one with our nephew taking shots on an NHL goalie and of various things of interest around the place. We coughed up for the requisite memoribilia in the tuck shop on the way out as well. From there, we headed over to their aunt's place to drop them off for their next leg of visiting.

The rest of our time off was a mixed bag. Due to another family emergency for my team partner (the third in about four or five months), I had to cut my vacation time and ended up working from Thursday night onwards instead of being completely off until the Monday morning. I will be recouping that time at a later juncture when it suits me best. Needless to say, DW was neither amused nor happy that our week together was now going to be marred by that dang blackberry going off and my now having to answer it. I'll make it up to her later as well.

Well, that was basically the rest of the march break week. Nothing overly exciting to most, but quite enjoyable for the two of us.


Movie Review

ICE AGE 2 - The Meltdown

Well, as you saw in the previous post, we got to see this movie on Saturday after the show. While I think the first one contained a certain charm and newness that the second one lacked, I still think it is a movie worth watching. I will caution you to not do what we did and see it on a Saturday afternoon. We got to watch it with some strange folks: a guy who is the future image if I do not get my ass healthy, a man and his family that cannot seem to decide on a seat in a half full theatre, and a couple of women and their kids whom they did not seem to explain the meaning of "shhhhhhh" and actually allowed the little whippers to continue yapping at the start of the movie and even joined in until a resounding round of "shhhhhhhhhs" were bombarded upon their inconsiderate heads. Also, if the movie was a three hour epic, I can understand the likes of small bladders like DW's need to pop out after the large drink is consumed for a quick inter-movie tinkle. How the hell do you explain the need to do that in a sub-two-hour movie?

Anyhow, the movie was good with lots of funny parts' especially parts for the adults to keep them interested. I just checked out the offical site and I have to say I am a little puzzled. This movie has a rating of PG and the reason for this is cited on the site as "Some mild language and innuendo". Excuse me? The word "crap" is uttered and there is a reference to the need for procreation without uttering a word or anything crude that says to entities have to bump uglies. THIS is what the rating system has gotten to?

The original crew is back and the addition of Queen Latifah (in just about any movie of the quarter) is a good one. I think she could do a lot more animated voice work as she has a nice delivery on screen. Ray Romano is great as Manny the Wooly Mammoth , John Leguizamo is back as Sid the Sloth and Denis Leary returns as Diego the Sabre-toothed Lion. The jokes are the usual type: slapstick, physical, first movie references, adult-inside and silly for the kidlets. Pretty much what you would expect of a sequel but definitely not on the originality par that Shrek 2 delivered over the first movie. That said, it is a decent time-waster for the average family with kids; adults may want to wait for it to be released in video stores.


OOAK Show Review

DW and I were able to get out to a matinee on Saturday after spending a quick (and relatively expensive) hour in the morning at the One of a Kind sale. We try to go at least once a year (there is a Spring and Christmas show) to stock up on items not made in a huge factory that tend to be a bit off the beaten path. Names like Tickleberries (chocolate covered fruit treats from B.C.), Mad Hatter's (amazing gingerbread items from Toronto), this beet place from Hamilton I think (makes an amazing beet pepper jelly we buy by the case for pork chops) and this amazing pepper place called the Peppermaster from Quebec of all places (with pepper sauces to rival the ones from the Caribbean). The next time Famine, DoubleD, AL, LB or KJ are down by us, we will try to have something so that they can sample it themselves.

The OOAK show is not just food, though that is a huge reason a lot of people go, but also jewellery, crafts, art, music, metalwork, sculptures, and clothing; almost everything that can be made by hand can be found being sold here. It really is a spectacular show, most of the vendors are quite friendly and willing to chat with you (when it is not incredibly busy and full of the rude folks), and sometimes you can find the unique item for the very hard to shop for. We bought these really neat metal figurines for friends one year from an artisan at the show. Considering the talent show by our friends, PS and MS, we think they should consider getting a table one year to sell their wares.

Now, a final note on the people of the show. I get around Toronto pretty well and never do I see some of the, er, unique examples of the city that I do at this show. We have a large hippie colony somewhere around here as evidenced by the woman wearing the long khaki skirt, oddly hemmed with bright red thread at two spots on the outsides of the bottom of the skirt. Then there are the folks who believe this is an "event" they are attending so they need to dress to the nines to enter what is essentially a large open warehouse (International Centre at the CNE grounds). Finally we have the group that we will lump all the others into that we will simply refer to as the group that should have known better or bought a mirror the day before they dressed themselves.

Can any women out there tell me why a lot of you insist on wearing clothes that no longer or never fit you in the first place, only to awkwardly be constantly readjusting it as it rides up, on or in your various crevacies? We had the youth, mother beside her, wearing a white belly shirt that she constantly pulled down to hide the belly that had no business being shoved into that shirt in the first place. We had the woman with the 50's hair (big), 80's pants (barely below the new type), 70's shoes (black) and socks (grey) and the blank stare of the new millenium. We had the woman that looked like she was about 120lbs wearing what looked like 240lbs worth of clothing (no coat, decent temperature day). Only a few with a clue, like my DW, wore comfy shoes (ones you did not mind getting stepped upon), loose comfy clothing (ones you did not mind getting spilled upon) and nothing that could snag and break (unless they were ones you did not mind getting snagged and broken).

And Toronto, what the hell happened to our manners? We try to be good little ambassadors in the city because you never know who you may be talking to, but damn!! We are just so tired of the lack of manners today and now that DW has been Scarboroughized, she does not take it from the idiots anymore either. Her language is much more colorful, her tongue much quicker to wag at unsuspecting or complacent dimwits. Me, I used to just brush it off but now being the family protector, I am ready to throw down at the first cart to bump my DW's behind or to graze my ankle. Courtesy is a lost art that needs to be taught in schools again.

Anyhow, if you get a chance to go to this one, or one in your neck of the woods, it is worth the time and effort. A lot of these folks only go to the two shows to sell anything and go back to their normal nine to five the rest of the year so we like to support them when we can afford to. We cannot afford to this year but we just said, "What the hell, life is short." Oh, as for the movie, I will post that separately.


Sunday, April 02, 2006