Monday Funnies submitted by DW

A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the hub-cap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer drain.

A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station.

The motorist thanked his profusely and said, "I don't know why you are in that place."

The patient said, "I'm here for being crazy, not for being stupid."

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A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "arthritis."

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"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the US of arrogance and Germany doesn't want to go to war."

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BATHTUB TEST
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time. This little test should get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director which is the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. We offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."
OK, here's your test: (Those with an abnormal tendency will scroll to the bottom to get the answer before taking the test.)
1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?



( D O N' T C H E A T )




"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon."
"No," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."
So how did you do?